𝐓𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐇 ME|| 𝐓IMOTHÉE 𝐂HALAMET

22 || it was cold

Trigger warning : mental health

It was 6am. I was sober. I didn't feel anything. My mind had just ... stopped.

"Cara what the fuck is going on? Where are you?" Timothée growled down the line loud enough for me to hear. I sat with my head in my hands in the back of the taxi with Lucie.

"Timothée it's Lucie, Cara's younger sister, she's not talking to me about why she's been completely detached all night so I need answers. Now." I could hear her, but I didn't feel anything. It was cold, I knew it was cold. But I wasn't. 

I could hear his voice sigh. "Look, I get you're her sister but that's really not something I can do right now."

"I don't care - if you can't or won't because, mate you're going to start explaining and you're going to explain now. Because I can't have this happen again. So I need to know what I'm dealing with here so I know what help to get her."

"I'm on my way."

I remember taking my hands off of my head, looking at them, trying to squeeze them. I couldn't feel it. 

"Cara, come on, do your coat up. It's freezing." 

Lucie opened the door to the building. "What's going on?" Timothée rushed over. I looked at him. "Cara?" 

"Hmm." I could feel my voice box vibrate. 

"Don't." I saw his eyes. They looked sad. He grabbed my arms. "Cara? Cara? What's going on?" He turned to Lucie. 

"The last time she was like this ... it was a long time ago. I'm going to leave you two to talk, don't you dare hurt her, don't you dare."

Timothée pulled the coat over me. "Cara. Talk to me."

"I don't understand." 

"Tell me whatever it is, we can try and understand it together - or not understand it. I just - please talk to me ... Cara don't look at me like that. Darling, it's me." I felt a hand on my cheek. "You're crying. Why are you crying?" 

"Am I?" I asked.

I didn't feel anything when I looked in those eyes, not that time. "Cara, you're scaring me."

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to."

"Can you remember the last time you felt like this?" He asked.

"Mum died." I could hear a voice. I think it was mine. "Why are you crying?" I could see tears on his face.

"Can I hold you?"

"No." That made him look sad. "I won't feel it. We're not real. I'm not really here you see."

"Yes we are. Baby we are so real. You are the most real person I know, look, it's us. We exist. We're existing right in this very moment. This is us Cara." He raked a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I don't know why I hurt you. I should never have done this to you. I'm sorry. Please you can stop now, Cara, stop looking at me like that. It's me." 

And finally... "It's T." 

I looked at his hand, they were holding two other hands. 

I looked at the hands his were connected to. They were connected to arms that were connected to shoulders that were connected to me. 

"I don't feel anything."

"Cara. Please. Please."

"I don't know what you expect of me. I'm so tired." I closed my eyes. I know, because everything was more manageable. Nothing was so bright and painful.

"Let's go to sleep then. Come on let me get you to bed." He tried to get me to go up the stairs.

"No! No! You're not listening to me. I can't sleep this off." I shook the unfamiliar arm away from me.

"Cara, how do I help you?" I recognised desperation in a mans voice.

"Can you just call Lucie." I started sobbing. "I just need to go home."

"I can't leave you Cara." - The man.

"But you're not with me - you're not here, you ..." I pointed to my mind, "are not in here with me."

"Let me try. Please."

I heard footsteps echoing. I closed my eyes. I felt someone hug me. I felt someone hold my head to them. I heard them cry. I heard them howl. "I need to take her home."

"Mum. I want mum, Lucie. Can't I go be with mum?"

"No! No! No, no Cara because I need you here- with me, I need you Cara."

"Look at me. You don't need this."

"I do. I need you. Cara. I'm not letting you go. I'm sorry I'm not." She held me, it made it hard to breathe. The harder it was to breathe the more I realised how little I had been.

"What do I do?" I heard the mans voice say.

"Help me get her on a plane, as soon as we can."

"Okay."