𝐓𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐇 ME|| 𝐓IMOTHÉE 𝐂HALAMET

31 || 'one day'

"I'm glad to hear that." He looked scared to say much more. When our eyes met again my skin became alert with its hairs prickling. My breathing deepened and I found myself intoxicated once more in his presence.

"And you've been good as well." It was less of a question once I had spoken it aloud.

"Hmm. Yeah, things are going well." 

He looked up at the ceiling above us rather than look me in the eyes. It gave me a hidden invitation to watch him. His eyes were colder and more severe.

"She's really very beautiful." He looked shocked at that. I tried to smile at him. He still wouldn't look me in the eye.

"You've changed so much." We could barely talk in normal conversation only our thoughts spoken aloud.

"How so?"

"You're so much more confident." I closed my eyes and shook my head. God, what this man did to me.

"Why did you want to talk to me Timothée?" 

He dropped his head to his hands and ran them both over his face. 

"I can't do this all over again." He whispered. "I don't know Cara, when I see you I want to be around you and then you kiss him - when I see you with ..." His words trailed off. 

"Look we've both moved on, clearly, so shall we just leave it?" I asked getting up and brushing my dress down.

Remembering how many times he had made me feel rejected was making my head go dizzy and I needed to remember what my goal was tonight. 

I put a hand on his shoulder as I picked up my drink. "I'll see you in there." I smiled and held onto my glass so tightly I was sure it could've broken.

"Hey Cara." His voice sounded so sweet.

It was like he was calling me from across a street. It felt like hearing something you've been waiting for, for so long.

I turned around. He was still sat down. 

"I missed you." He half smiled. Those eyes being painted with the most subtle shade of pain.

I closed my eyes and smiled back at him, I picked my dress back up and tried to climb up the stairs as quickly as possible.

Once out of view, I found a wall and nearly collapsed against it. I blinked away my tears and the memory of his voice. I finished my drink, remembering that I couldn't let Harry sense anything had gone wrong.

I looked across the room and like clockwork he made eye contact with me. His face slowly broke out into a grin. He excused himself from the conversation he was in and made his way over.

"Hey, you okay?" He asked. His brows were knitted together in concern. I bit my lip and smiled back at him. I found his hands and entwined our fingers. 

"Let's dance." He pulled us over to the dance floor as a slow song played. I rested my head on his shoulder and he rested his on my head. I closed my eyes and saw my thoughts coming together so clearly. 

"You don't know nothing, just pretend you do
I need something, tell me something new..."

I looked up at Harry. "I think I've got the last lyrics for that song." I smiled at him. "Shall we leave soon and go hang out?" I asked him. He nodded and kissed my forehead. He was humming and I could feel that he was playing with melodies in his throat.

I opened my eyes like I had been asleep to see Timothée holding Lily. They looked like they really loved each other - I thought. He looked a bit awkward dancing with her, like he was scared but then I realised I'd never danced with him in public before so I wouldn't know. 

I thought about when we first kissed on his balcony, and how we never danced and yet our bodies always felt like they were. 

I squeezed Harry's hand and tried to brush the tears welling in my eyes as quickly as possible, hoping no one would notice. Harry grabbed my clutch for me and held the back of my dress as we rushed down the steps into the hot summer night. 

I thought I could hear footsteps rushing after me, but when I turned to see there was no Timothée. I remembered - this isn't a movie or a book Cara, the one's we love don't rush to us or declare their undying love.

Sometimes the one's we love don't love us back, so better to be with someone who cares for you and who you care for than to be alone. 

Once in the taxi I grabbed out my notebook and scribbled down my last lyrics.

His words filling my mind. 

"I missed you."

I began to write.

oh tell me something I don't already know

When he whispered. "I can't do this all over again." 

"We've both moved on." How I tried to avoid his rejection

almost over, had enough from you

And yet, I still loved him - perhaps more than I ever had. I thought back to what I said to my mum, how I hadn't spoken to her like that before. I hadn't since she'd died. I always wished I believed in a God or a religion, to have something to hold on to whilst she was gone, but I guess to me she was my religion and my saviour.

And I've been praying, I never did before

I thought about how odd it was that I had found, in that moment, my own church - with bare walls and a room with space for me to fill with my pain.

Understand I'm talking to the walls

I looked out the window. Harry tried to hold my hand but I quickly bought my hands together in my lap and watched the city pass me by. 

And every street that we passed I swear I saw T and I on every corner. Every couple, old or young - all the infinite 'what if's' and 'what could have been's' haunting me. 

I closed my eyes and wished. I wished for my 'one day'. The one I'd never prayed for before.

I've been praying ever since New York

I closed my notebook and my eyes. There he was, his eyes forever carved into my eyelids.