Used And Abused

27

TW: Gore
        Murder
       Rape

"I love You" 

These 3 words make my heart skip. I look at him for assurance that I heard him right. He take my Hand in his and looks at me with pure love.

"I love you" he says again "I love you so fucking much it scares me, I just want you to know how lucky I am to have you in my life and I'm so scared of losing you, whatever happened back there, just remember I'll always be there for you and listen to everything you have to say when you're ready and I'll be right by your side and help you get through it"

I look at him with tears filling my eyes.

"You won't love me  anymore when you hear about my past" I tell him tears falling down from my eyes.

"Try me, your past doesn't define you, you'll always be the strongest person I know, you'll always be the same chantal that was always there for me, you'll always be the same chantal that always  puts others first, you'll always be the same chantal that I care and I love about" he says and kisses me telling me through the kiss that everything going to be alright.

He pulls away and rests his forehead on mine.

"I'm ready"

He shakes his "I don't want you to feel pressured into telling me this"

"I'm telling this because I trust you and I love you" I say without hesitation.

He looks at me with suprise that I actually said it.

"Say it again" he says it dangerously low "I love you"

I take a deep breath getting emotionally ready to tell him my story. "It all started two well almost 3 years ago after my mom's death" I look at him and his warm, love filled eyes give me the courage to continue.

"My sperm donor was never in the picture, my mom met Thomas when I was pretty young I guess he was always there. They got engaged and married when I was 8. When I was 12, Thomas started drinking, it started with drinking on the weekends and passing out due to alcohol but it slowly turned into him drinking every single beer bottle in the house every day " I take  shaky breath as he wipes a few tears that managed to escape my eyes.

"First he lost his job, I guess that was his trigger, he would always shout at mom when he wasn't drinking or passed out. She'd always protect me from his wrath but after a few months he started getting physical. First it was a few black eyes but gradually it was broken limbs or bruised ribs. She loved him too much to leave him."

"One night he had too much to drink and I guess he had popped a few pills. My mom has just gotten back from her job. She was a waitress. She started to make me something to eat because I hadn't eaten anything since breakfast. She was making me a sandwich while I was doing my homework on the kitchen counter top. Anyways Thomas was passed out, a plate accidently slipped from my mom's hands and woke up Thomas. He was enraged that we woke him up from his beauty sleep" I gave him a pained laugh
"He starts yelling at my mom for being such a worthless whore. He started throwing things at her while she told me to go to my room and I did, god how much I wish I didn't. I could hear both of them screaming, I didn't really hear what they were saying because I had my ears covered. The shouting went on a for a couple of minutes before I heard a gunshot, and then another one and then complete silence. I knew what happened but I refused to belive it. Thomas came into my room and dragged me out. He started dragging me through the living room where I saw her dead body" at this point I was full on sobbing.

"Oh god that was most terrifying thing I could see. I was so scared. She looked so lifeless with blood pooling around her. He pushed me into the passenger of his car while he went inside. I just sat there crying, I should have ran, called for help but it was like my feet were glued to that spot. He came after a few moments with her dead body and then he tells me while pointing a gun at my head "if you ever tell anyone about this you're gonna be next" with that he pulls out the driveway and starts driving to this really creepy forest. He drags me and my mom's dead body while he had given me a shovel to carry. We reached this open, damp spot where he started digging mom's grave. After he finished digging he threw he body in like she was some rag doll. After putting the dirt back I  again he threw me again a tree and whispered to me with a sadistic smirk "if you tell anyone about this you'd end up juts like her or worse" he chuckles darkly at me and then drags me to his car again.

A few weeks passed since her death. Life moved on. I couldn't tell anyone because I was scared shitless, I cried myself to sleep every night. One day when he came home extra drunk with his buddies. I was in the kitchen when they stumbled in making dinner. This one specific friend took a liking towards and kept staring at me. After finishing dinner and serving it I went back to my room. A few moments later, I was laying on my bed he stumbled in and winked at me. He kept coming forward while I kept backing away until I hit the wall. That's when my worst nightmare came to life.

That was the day when I was stripped of my dignity. That was the day I lost my virginity. That was that day I was raped I tried screaming but it was no use.

After that day he never came back but Thomas did. He'd come to my room and do the same things that the guy did."