morning sun {r. lupin}

twenty

"I'll get on the train with or without you James and right now its looking like youll be spending Christmas with Peeves."

"Shove off I'm almost done."

It was the morning of the start of Christmas break, the castle was in chaos as students hurried to catch the Hogwarts Express back to Platform 9 3/4 for Christmas with their families. The night before, Greta and the boys prepared their things so they had time to enjoy their last Hogwarts breakfast of the year, then get to the train with time to spare. James on the other hand insisted he could do it in the morning. There they stood, 20 minutes before the train leaves as James scrambled to throw all of his belonging in his trunk.

"What did I-"

"I KNOW WHAT YOU TOLD ME GRETA!"

The four chuckled at James' sudden rage in the middle of his panic, even knowing he was wrong, he'd never actually admit it.

"Here." Remus offered. With a lazy wave of his wand, all of James' things placed themselves in his trunk which closed with a snap.

"Why didnt I think to do that?" he grumbled, dragging his trunk to the the door behind the others.

The group moved as fast as they could, levitating their trunks as far as the teachers would allow so they could get to the soon departing train as quickly as possible.

Just as Sirius stepped on the train, it began to pull out of the Hogsmeade station, all of them making on just in time. They found an empty compartment and crashed onto the seats, completely out of breath from not only the intense cardio workout they just got but also from the stress of missing their ride.

"I hate you James." Peter wheezed, an arm draped over his eyes.

"I second that." Sirius joked raising his hand. 

"Me as well." Greta agreed.

"You sound like Lily now." James commented, earning a small laugh from the group, none of them knowing if they should or not.

"Self burn, those are rare." Remus said trying to fix the awkwardness in the air.

Remus being Remus, he could fix everything just by being present, this was one of those things. The train ride was full of conversation and loud laughter that could be heard from several cars down, the marauders making the most of their time together as always.

The scenery out the window changed with little warning, what once was a snow covered valley was now a brick wall, signaling that they had arrived at Kings Cross station.

The goodbyes were not tear filled like what was seen every June, instead they were cheery and energetic as everyone was excited to be home for the holidays. Greta pulled Peter into a tight hug, swaying slightly as they spoke to each other, the usual "Ill miss you, see you on New Years."

When she let go, she turned to Remus who had just finshed being attacked by both James and Sirius at the same time. His neat hair now messy like he had just woken up, one of Greta's favourite Remus looks.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, forcing him to bend down slightly to reach his arms around her waist. He could feel her breath on the slightly exposed part of his collarbone because of the worn neckline on his sweater. He leaned his head slightly into hers as he listened to her whispering.

"Ill see you in a few days, dont have fun without me."

"Believe me I wont."

"Please write to me."

"Expect a letter tomorrow morning."

"Good."

"Gret I know Moony gives great hugs but this is taking years." James complained.

The two released each other, saying goodbye one last time before going their seperate ways. They both hated this.

☽ 

As Remus unpacked his trunk, reorganizing his room, his only thoughts were of Greta. In a few days time she would be there and he wanted everything to be perfect. He moved around every picture and nic nac in sight until he was somewhat satisfied with everythings placement. Why was he so stressed, it was Greta, she wouldnt care if the picture frame on his desk wasnt sitting at a perfect 45 degree angle. But the problem was that she was Greta. 

Finally after giving up on rearranging everything in his room, he began to get ready for bed, stripping out of the clothes that still smelled faintly of the train and Greta's perfume, a light vanilla scent with a hint of cedarwood. When brewing Amortentia earlier that year, the smell of her perfume was what he recognized right away, the others scents being dewy morning grass, hot chocolate, old book pages, and a wood fire. When asked by Greta what he could smell, he told her, leaving out the perfume part of course, hoping that she wouldnt realize that they were all smells he tied back to time spent with her.

(TW: body image issues)

He stood infront of his mirror, staring at his reflecting, looking at the scars that were all over his chest and shoulders. How could he possibly ever think for a second that Greta would want to be someone that looked like this, scarred and broken. He hated his reflection, every time he looked in the mirror he wished it were a different face, a different body, looking back at him. Someone whose skin was untouched, who never suffered so much as a paper cut in their life, someone worth looking at. As he found a reason to hate every inch of his body, something on his collarbone stood out to him, a pink blotch much different than his skin tone. He rubbed a finger over the spot, the waxy pink substance transferring onto his finger. As he examined the familliar colour, he cracked a small smile knowing just where, rather just who it came from.

He thought of Greta's lips pressed ever so gently on his skin. Though it was only hours prior, it felt like it was days ago that he last saw her, last heard her infectious laugh, last held her. 

He hated the thought of being apart from her after they graduated made him feel sick. Perhaps as time went on and their lives went in different directions things wouldnt be so bad, but in the present the thought was unbearable. 

His crush was far beyond what his friends and even himself realize. Remus Lupin was truly, genuinely in love with Greta Potter.

wc:1059

a/n

i really didnt think i was gonna update today but here we are. i really wanted to put something out and the last part of this chapter came to me earlier in the day and i wanted to do it before i forgot lol. i wanted to dive into remus' self image issues because its something i struggle with myself and feel like other people can relate to, and i know it was harsh here, like many people are on themselves, but next couple chapters thisll change i promise.

just a reminder to everyone, you are beautiful the way you are. your worth is not to be determined by youre size, or scars, or blemishes...etc. give yourself a break and remind yourself of how wonderful you really are <3

question of the day: what would your amortentia smell like?

my answer: vanilla, rain, pine, cookies in the oven.