sarah paulson mental health one shots

quicksand

cordelia goode - quicksand
content warning : anorexia
authors note : i swear ill start opening up my ideas soon, also yet again, delia is a mother figure, not a significant other

-

it started again a few months ago. it wasn't bad at first, just missing a meal here and there. nothing serious. but then the feeling of hunger became your enemy and motivation all in one. then you were skipping breakfast and lunch, just eating dinner with cordelia and the other girls. but now, you felt disgusting whenever any sort of food went in your mouth. simply eating a salad could drive you over the edge, and send you into a panic attack, which would end with you curled in a ball on the bathroom floor sobbing. i mean obviously you ate, you'd be dead if you didn't. but every last calorie that went into your mouth got counted and you followed specific rules.

cordelia knew about your eating disorder. in fact, she had helped you recover the first time it happened. it was hard, but even then, you weren't as deep as you were now. you were drowning in quicksand, and not even she could pull you out. your mind drifted back to life after you recovered the first time. you could go out with the girls and get ice cream, go out to dinner with cordelia and not worry about having to get a side salad as your meal and avoiding dessert. obviously you had hard days, but eventually the hard days fell to a minimum, only happening every so often. your thoughts were disturbed when cordelia knocked on your door.

"hey sweetheart."

"what's up?"

you had barely any patience, and typically used it all with delia, not wanting to hurt her feelings.

"i just haven't seen you much today."

"yeah. i guess i'm just busy."

"have you eaten?"

shit.

"uh- not yet."

"y/n, you can't just be missing meals. i don't want to see you go down that dark path again."

"jesus delia, it was two meals."

"i know. but i haven't seen you eating much lately, and some of the girls are worried about you."

"what?"

she sighed.

"i just don't wanna see you get hurt again."

too late.

"i'm fine delia."

"promise me?"

"yes."

and with that, she left your room.

you thought she would believe you, or at least forget about it, but of course she didn't. she's cordelia. you woke to the smell of bacon and eggs the next morning.

"hey. y/n sweetie."

"mm. what?"

"time to get up."

"it's saturday."

"come on."

you just wanted to sleep.

"okay, i'm coming."

cordelia was slightly taken aback at your lack of patience with her, but she just brushed it off as morning moodiness. she led you down to the kitchen, where you saw two plates of food.