sarah paulson mental health one shots

stuck

ally mayfair richards - stuck
content warning : anorexia, suicidal ideation
authors note : ally's y/n's mom in this

-

you were stuck.

there was no better way to put it.

and now your mom was pissed at you because she had no idea you were relapsing and the doctor had to be the bearer of bad news when she notified her of your vitals and weight.

"what the hell happened?" she sighed, head resting on one hand, with the other white-knuckle gripping the steering wheel.

fuck.

now you were stuck in the car with her.

"i don't know." you muttered, facing the window.

you could feel her turn and look at you. her gaze pierced holes through the back of your skull as if she was trying to flip through the pages of your brain to figure out what was going on inside of it.

"you don't know?"

"i just messed up."

"there's no room for just messing up anymore y/n."

"i'm sorry."

she was silent for a moment and you turned to face her. her hand turned the dial on the heat to low so you reached to turn on your heated seat.

"would you quit it?" she barked, swatting your hand away from the knob.

"i'm cold." you mumbled.

"of course you're cold, you don't eat."

"i eat." you rolled your eyes and turned the seat to high.

"right."

you hated when she was pissed at you over food.

"we just want to help you, you know? dr. smith, me, your father. that's all we want."

"well i wish you would all just leave me alone."

"you can't do it on your own, this has just proven that."

"maybe i don't want to do it at all."

"you have to." she sighed.

you'd had this argument too many times before, but you'd never been able to bring yourself to tell her the truth about how you felt.

"why? it's my life."

"because y/n, you're my child and i'm not just going to let you die."

"i'm not a child."

"well you're sure as hell acting like one."

you didn't even want to talk to her anymore. tears began to pool in your eyes and your vision blurred as you tried to hold them back.

"maybe you should." you croaked out.

"should what?" she snapped back, an irritated tone lacing her voice.

"just let me die."

"what?"

she turned her head to look at you, but you were facing the window.

"i don't want to live like this anymore."

it was useless to try and hold back your tears at this point, so you let them pour out of you.

"that's why we have to get better babe."

she reached to hold your hand and you pulled it away.

"how many other ways do i have to say it? i would rather die than get better. i would rather starve myself until my heart gives out than be fat."

she didn't even know how to respond.

"i don't want to get better, do you understand that now?" you snapped at her.

you were so upset, and a heavy stream of tears left your eyes. you tried to avoid making any noise, but small gasps for air escaped you, letting your mom know what was happening.

she had no idea what to do.

she was stuck.

just like you.

she just reached for your hand.

you let her have it.

her fingers intertwined with yours and she gave a tight squeeze.

"i love you."

"i love you too."

"we're going to get through this you know."

she was so sure.

or maybe she wasn't.

maybe she was trying to convince herself.

"i don't know."

another squeeze from her hand.

-

authors note : i know that this is short and that there is no definitive ending to it but i like to do those sometimes because it's much more realistic.