sarah paulson mental health one shots

thanksgiving

cordelia goode - thanksgiving
content warning - anorexia, purging, body image

-

it was thanksgiving and the entire academy was having a big dinner. zoe, myrtle, cordelia, coco, mallory and you had all prepared the food the night before and were now about to eat it. you'd watched everyone make the food last night, so you knew exactly what was in it. typically, that would bring you comfort, but there wasn't a single thing that was made that you would eat. and now you were sitting at the table being forced to because cordelia needed you to get better.

you had put a small portion of potatoes and a roll on your plate. the potatoes had so much butter and heavy cream in them, but it was the 'healthiest' option.

throughout the entire meal everyone was watching you, cordelia especially. as soon as you were finished you knew you had to get rid of it.

"i'm gonna go lie down." you stood up. "i don't feel well."

cordelia gave you a look, but you knew she wouldn't say anything.

you basically sprinted to your room, and then locked yourself in the bathroom. kneeling over the toilet, you shoved your fingers into your throat. vomit erupted out of your mouth, burning your throat on the way up. you repeated this action a few times until you were sure that you'd gotten everything. after you washed your hands, you inspected yourself in the mirror. it looked like you'd gained fifty pounds since you'd last checked just an hour before. once you'd had enough of looking at yourself, you unlocked the door and opened it, only to find cordelia standing right outside.

"i thought you were going to lie down." she said, arms crossed.

"i had to pee."

you tried to squeeze by her, but she grabbed your arm.

"that was an awful long pee."

"i was just peeing cordelia."

"mhm."

"why don't you trust me?" you were quickly getting defensive and agitated.

"why should i?" she was raising her voice slightly. "why were you in there throwing up y/n?"

you couldn't hold it in anymore, and you erupted into loud cries.

"i'm sorry."

"hey baby, it's okay. come here." she pulled you into her arms and kissed your forehead softly.

"i'm sorry." you repeated through cries.

"i'm not angry love. i know how overwhelmed you are right now."

"i can't do this anymore."

"i know baby, but you have to. it'll be worth it one day."

"no it won't."

"okay we have to eat something sweetie."

"no, i don't like any of that."

"i know you do, but if you're not comfortable eating it i can take you somewhere different to eat."

"i don't want to."

"you have to."

-

authors note : this is pretty short and i wrote this in a rush because i wanted to finish it before tomorrow, but for anyone struggling with an eating disorder that also celebrates thanksgiving tomorrow, know that it's okay to eat. i know how hard it is, but your body needs fuel to keep you alive, and its only one day. one day is not enough to alter your entire body, and even if it were, your body absolutely does not determine your worth. i love you endlessly, even if i dont know you, and im always here for you if you need someone to talk to.