Stupid - John Shelby (ON HOLD)

20. The return of Stanley James •

Vin was looking out at the canal with her arms wrapped around her body in a protected stance. She was staring at a point in the water, not blinking as her mind was going wild.

She was thinking back, to the moments with Billy that used to be like a dream, trying to figure out when they stopped being like that. Lately they had been fighting a lot, even before the incident at the cinema. Vin thought that the worst thing about her and Billy's relationship was how they both fought. When she got angry she exploded, saying every mean thing she could think of, deliberately trying to push the other person away. She hated that part of herself, the one who couldn't control her anger, even if she had gotten better at it in her grown up life. When Billy got angry, he would be in a sour mood all day, putting mean hints in conversations and complaining about everything. He could be angry for days when she couldn't be angry for more than an hour. It made it very difficult for them to make up.

With John it was easy... she caught herself thinking. And it had been, because John too would scream and explode at her, but they never went to bed as enemies. John wouldn't have let her leave like Billy did, he would have forced them to fix the problem.

She unwrapped herself from her hold and let her hands fall to her sides. She clenched her fists so hard she was sure she would have marks from her nails on her palms later. She felt tears threatening do spill from her eyes and her throat hurt from holding them back. She refused to cry, especially when Billy seemed to care so little about their relationship. Instead she let out a loud, frustrated scream. It echoed from the water and traveled through the tunnels, revealing her presence to anyone who might be around.

"Fucking hell Vin!" A familiar voice interrupted her rage. "You scared me half to death"

She looked back at John, who stood watching her from the entrance of a tunnel. As she met his eye, she saw how worry washed over them, making her damm of emotions crack.

"John..." she whispered stumbling forward a bit, her heel caught her dress and she lost her balance all together. Luckily John had seen her clumsy step and quickly he had taken three long strides towards her, managing to catch her at the last second. He pulled her in to his chest, protecting her from the fall, his warm hands pressing against her hip. Vin felt her body light on fire at his touch.

As John began to pull away, remembering their talk from a few days prior and trying to respect her wishes, she stopped him by putting her much smaller arms around his neck and burying her face in his chest. The tears began streaming down her face and her shoulders started to shudder as she cried in his arms.

To John, hearing Vin cry was easily the worst sound in the world. He much more preferred her angry and screaming at the top of her lungs, which to John's fortune was what you usually got with Vin. She rarely cried, and because of that John gathered that she must be really upset. He knew that it was no use in trying to get her to tell him what was wrong, she would never tell him, not even when they were together. The only one allowed to see her so vulnerable was Ada. So instead, he just pulled her closer to him and leaned against the wall of one of the tunnels. He adjusted his grip for a second, so he could throw out his toothpick and put his Peaky hat on a barrel.

Vin couldn't put in to words how frustrated she was. Everything was supposed to be good now. The boys were finally back, her brother was back, and everything that she had told herself would fall into place as long as he returned, had not done so yet. Instead things were more confusing than ever, not just with Billy and her brother, but also with John, and even Arthur and Tommy. The boys seemed to be more ruthless than ever since they got home, with Tommy aiming for higher goals than before. Sure they no longer had any money problems, but Vin had a feeling that she was going to miss the hard but simple life they had lived while the boys were away.