His Beautiful Obedient Toy

Chapter 36

Sage

It's been three days today since my miscarriage. My head wound is now not the whole bandage but just the gauze and it will come out soon too.

That night Azriel stayed with me. Shared my pain, carried a part of it and let out a part of his. He let me cry as long as I could and I know he cried with me too. He was there with me the whole night.

Then the morning came and I was alone on the bed, not just on the bed. The wall that trembled only for those hours built up again and he became the same cold and distant Azriel.

He lost his child and his dream. I see him struggling to make it happen again. He had to be the Don and he and Dan are always working on it. The how's.

He still take care of my medical needs. He sit me through with the exercises for my elbow and ensure that I never miss a dose. He even changes my bandage on my sprained foot himself everyday. I however, am least bothered about it. What does it matter anyway? Those medicines won't bring back what I lost. I lost a hope of living.

One wrong decision has ruined my entire life. What would have happened if I wouldn't have run that day to Justin. I would have got married to Matteo. I wouldn't be trapped in a cage. I would have a family, I could have gone out, could have met my parents, my friends if I wanted to. Eve wouldn't have to suffer through coma and whatever pains I brought upon her. I would have some freedom atleast more than what I have now but Matteo would have shared me with Zyan and God knows who else. Azriel never let a man lay a finger on me. Isn't that's what I always wanted, that I don't suffer the fate of my mother. That I don't get shared by my husband. I also wanted to be loved by my husband. He says he loves me. He do love me, the Sage who is his toy. Just his beautiful obedient toy. Azriel's love is so different. I don't know how an inanimate object would have responded to the love we give it. I had a Doll I loved when I was a kid. I used to carry it along me all the time. I used to keep it beautiful and neat. I used to sleep with it closer to me ensuring that it never leaves me. It was mine and I was happy that I had it.

Isn't that what I am now. His Doll, that he owns and loves because he owns it. He keeps it beautiful. He keeps it tied up to his bed so that he doesn't loose it at night. He can throw it too when he wants.

What is worse, I wonder. To be Matteo's wife or to be Azriel's toy.

I took another sip of my coffee looking at the sunset. I saw the sun becoming a tangerine fruit as it hid behind the tall trees, while sitting on the floor next to glass doors in front of the dining area that opens in our backyard.

I watched a squirrel nibbling on a nut and it reminded me of my dream when I saw my child. A lone tear fell from eyes thinking about him. Only if I could touch him once again, even if it is in the dream. I would have slept the lifetime to relive the moment of touching my child.

A thud broke my trance and I saw a file was dropped at my side. I looked up and saw Azriel standing there. "Sign these papers" he said and I nodded picking up the file. What papers do I need to sign. I opened the file.

I was frozen looking at the words in front of me. I kept staring on the big block letters that read DIVORCE AGREEMENT in red with wide open eyes. It wasn't a shock. He told me many times before but it still felt like the whole world is breaking, crumbling apart around me. I thought we moved past it. I understood when he said that he would divorce me if I couldn't accept this marriage but now after everything we have been through, I thought maybe he won't. But its just three days that we lost our child. The only child we could ever have rather I should say I could ever have and in three days my husband is asking me to sign the divorce papers. Why being the Don is so important for him? Its like my muscles forgot how to react. Tears started to well up but I closed my eyes tightly to control. I bite back my sobs because I know he hated it when I cried. He will ask me to stop crying and once these tears start it becomes difficult for me to stop and he gets angry that I don't obey him.