I'M NOT A STALKER!

FORTY TWO

Chapter Forty Two:

(TINE)

Are we boyfriends now?

Are we? I mean we didn't talk about it yet. Yes we kissed but somehow I couldn't bring myself asking him. We kissed so is that enough as an answer? Damn. I'm confused. But the fact that we shared our first kiss and we both confessed our feelings will do, right?

After that night we both fell asleep talking via phone call when he got home. He sang me to sleep and because I was too damn tired yesterday I didn't had a hard time to fell asleep before he could even finish singing.

Is this what girls feels during courtship? I don't know since this is my first time. To add in to that, Sarawat is the very first person who got interested in me. I knew I called myself a chic guy but the truth is I'm just good at flirting but never been in a serious relationship. I didn't even courted anyone and Pear is my first ever crush. My first and last 'girl' crush that I didn't even had a courage to confessed to. I was clumsy and it is also because of my insecurities why I couldn't made a move to her. Why? Because Pear is too damn perfect. She's the woman that every guy would like to have and then there is me.....

But now, everything is different. I never knew that I'm actually Bi. But no matter the gender is, just like Wat said, it is just the same. My heart flutters because of him just the way I felt to Pear before. But my insecurities is still there. Wat is a guy and he's been in a relationship with Monica. A woman that everyone surely misinterpret as Sarawat's perfect partner if you didn't knew them.

Even though he assures me that I'm the one he likes I still feel uneasy. I want to put a label on us so at least I have the right to be jealous but it will made me look selfish. This is not the right time for us. Wat has a lot on his plate right now and I don't want to put pressure on him more.

When he opened up to me the night before. I couldn't feel anything but to feel pity. After all, Wat blame himself to everything happened to his family. I understand him and even though I want to do everything to made him realized that it is not his fault he already made up his mind. If saving Monica is the only way he would feel better then I'll be with him. I'll support him. The least thing I can do is to stay by his side.

I took a deep sigh as I started to continue what I was doing again. We only have a week before our Summer break. An exam
is on the corner and we're also flood with schoolworks that we have to submit before the break. I'm a little bit thankful because at least there is something that will keep my mind occupied rather than thinking about my love life.

It can wait, my studies won't.

So I focused on my studies these past few days. Sometimes Wat calls me during the night but he rarely do that actually. I know that he got it twice as hard compare to me since he had a handful of things to do aside from his school works. So I keep myself not to call him even though all I wanna do is call him and ask him how's his day. I don't want to show myself as a clingy one because I'm afraid that it will turn him off.

****

Tonight is no different. It is one of those night that my mind being anxious again.

Sometimes I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around him. I have to be careful or else I might crush what this thing between us. Do you know that feeling? I'm afraid that if I do something I will lose him. And by just thinking of that is enough to keep me all night when I couldn't bring myself to call him.

I feel like this thing between us is too fragile.
Too easy to be broken.

He's with Monica, he's taking care of her....
He used to love her so it is not imposible for him to fall inlove aga----