Smile can tell a thousand lies. Laughter bursts millions of hidden pains but the eyes and heart will never deny what you truly feel inside. We're both sitting on the carpet here in our living room doing the poster for our short reporting, while her hand's moving to strip the side of the cartolina where I held the ruler. I can't take my eyes off her. Jishanne's sleepy eyes seem like gravity pulling me towards her.
She has a different crescent smile that shows the sorrow and pain she's carrying. My mother said, you'll not know if you love someone by just hearing from them that they love you instead you'll just feel it by just looking at their eyes and by listening by their heartbeats and the time I gazed on her twinkling sad eyes I fall into her unheard noisy world.
She has long natural hair, her nose is short but pointed, and lips that's soft too. If it's only myself, who's going to describe her? She's a pure soul who just wanted to escape from her silent battles.
"Nilalamig ka ba?" tanong ko sa kaniya, kasabay ng marahan na paghaplos niya sa aking braso bago tuluyang humarap sa akin.
"Bakit ganiyan ka-" I saw her lips trembled.
"I-I'm sorry for telling this too late." I stared at him, nervousness and excitement started to fill my system, thinking that maybe she's going to answer me now from courting her.
"I want you to stop courting me." Hope is still making me feel so happy, not until she said that I should stop loving her.
I was willing to be wounded for the person I love. Handa ko isugal ang aking sarili ng hindi humihingi ng kapalit. Kaya ko gawin ang lahat maliban sa huwag na siyang mahalin. Ang sabi niya, hahanapin niya lang ang sarili niya, ganoon pa man hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit kailangan na mag-isa niya lamang gawin iyon 'gayong handa ko naman siyang samahan sa kahit anong laban niya.
Imagining that the girl I've dreamt the most to be with me forever, drifting away from me, made me feel this heavy weight in my soul. Umalis siya, iniwan niya ako ng naghihintay sa kaniyang rason kung bakit nga ba? Bakit kailangan niya akong saktan ng ganito? My father said, kung mahal mo talaga kahit walang paalam na iniwan hindi mo siya papalitan sa puso mo, kaya naghintay ako sa walang kasiguraduhan niyang pagbabalik.
"Hindi ba ay may long quiz ka pa bukas Dandreb? Mauna ka na umuwi, kami na lang dito ni Arjin." Nangunot ang aking kilay ng tingnan si Kuya Lionel.
"I want a peace of mind and I can only find it when I'm totally drunk," sagot ko sa kaniya.
"Talaga ba? Sa tingin ko naman ay hindi." Natuon kay Arjin ang aking tingin.
"Tell me if I'm wrong but I think it's Morie, coming back would be your peace of mind." Sumandal ako sa aking inu-upuan, pumikit at hinilot ang aking sintido.
"Fuck shit! Jishanne's my migraine!" Narinig ko ang pagtawa ng dalawa.
Mostly at midnight I can't sleep, I'm thinking if I wake up tomorrow will I be able to see her again? Aasa, magdududa, ito lang ang paulit-ulit ko nararamdaman sa bawat araw ng paghihintay ko sa kaniya.
Ibinagsak ko ang makapal na libro at napadukdok sa lamesa. Whatever I did, even I filled my mind with various table setting and culinary math, my mind just end up thinking her. Sa taon na lumipas ng walang siyang paramdam unti-unti ko na pala nawawala ang aking sarili. I just moving forward but not moving on from the love I had for her. I became successful yet I felt lost and repeatedly asked myself, where did I go wrong? What's the things that I can't still do for me to feel that everything is not enough, those trophies and achievements too less to fill the missing piece in my heart.
Itinatak ko sa aking isipan na galit ako sa kaniya, bakit? Bakit parang kahit kaunti ay wala akong halaga para sa kaniya. Sa limang taon ba ay hindi niya naisip kung kamusta na kaya ako na iniwan niyang itinatanong ang sarili kung ganoon ba ako kahina para matakot siyang isama sa kaniyang laban?
Kaya lang, ang puso nga pala ng isang tao kahit madurog na ay patuloy pa din magmamahal. I want to congratulate her because when our eyes met after six years, I no longer saw the shadow of demons in her sleepy eyes. Nabuhay lalo ang sakit na dinala ko simula ng umalis siya, kahit na sa isipan ko ay nais kong hawakan lang siya at huwag ng hayaan na iwan pa akong muli.
"Dandreb, baka naman iniwan ka na ulit ni Jishanne?" I glared at Arjin. It's a big day for me because now's the day for ribbon cutting in my newly built Rara restaurant by my architect cousin, Kuya Lionel.
"Nandito na si Morie!" sigaw ni Jena. There I realized that even though my life is almost perfect, I'll remain incomplete without her.
"Pasensiya na, hinintay ko pa kasi iyong approval ng Dean sa letter ko bago ako makapunta dito. Tatakas na nga dapat ako e!" Natawa ako at sinalubong na din siya.
"Shall we start?" I nodded at Lionel who's the emcee. Tumikhim ako, napagtanto ko na hindi ang mga narating ko ang makakapagpasaya sa akin kun'di ang kaniyang mga ngiti na tila dinadala ako sa lugar higit pa sa kung nasaan ako ngayon.
"Welcome to Rara restaurant!" Sandali pa akong napahinto ng magkantsawan sila.
"Today we celebrate the grand opening of our new business. I'm so thankful to all the people that's in my side from the day that I'm just starting to walk through the more challenging part of my life. To my father and mother who became my strength. To all my cousins that lift me up when I'm down and feel like giving up. Of course, to all my responsible and hardworking staffs! Thank you. And I want to introduce to all of you, my inspiration, my love, my future, Ma'am. Jishanne Morie Guevarra." Napa-ngiti siya, bagay na matagal kong hinintay bago masilayan muli.
"Next on our agenda is the ribbon cutting ceremony. Let us now cut the ribbon." My eyes were only for her even there's a lot of photographers surrounding us and my heart will always flutter for this brave woman. When I already cut the ribbon it's their claps that made me smile and it's her presence that made me so happy and contented.
"Nasaan ba tayo? Dandreb ah, siguraduhin mo lang sa akin hindi mo ako ilalaglag kung saan para makaganti sa pag-iwan ko sa iyo noon!" Natawa ako sa kaniya, ngayon pa lamang ay gusto ko ng huminto at yakapin lang siya.
"Where here!" Unti-unti niyang iminulat ang kaniyang mga mata, mabilis naman ako naglakad papunta sa kaniyang harapan ng hindi siya magsalita at nakatitig lamang sa papalubog na araw. Kinabahan na ako, hinawakan agad ang kaniyang magkabilang pisngi ng makita ko ang panggigilid ng mga luha sa kaniyang mga mata.
"Hey, why are you crying?" Natakot ako, dahil baka sa pagbuka ng kaniyang bibig marinig ko na naman ang salita na dudurog sa akin.
"It j-just because of the memories, how I broke you in this place, on that kind of time also." Pinunasan ko ang luha na tumulo sa kaniyang pisngi.
"Hush, I brought you here not to make you remember the past and for you to be hurt. I brought you here again for us to change the pain of yesterday into a happy ending. I want to prove to you that you're still the one." Sinenyasan ko na ang isang staff na mula sa isang hotel dito din sa Batanes.
"Don't tell me dito tayo kakain." I laughed a bit, and nervously kneeled down in front of her while holding the plate with a wedding ring box like cake in my right hands. Inabot ko sa kaniyang ang kutsara, kumikinang at nagtatanong naman ang kaniyang mga mata na tumitig sa akin. Nang biyakin niya iyon ay tumambad sa kaniya ang singsing na siyang simbolo na siya na ang gusto kong makasama habang buhay.
"W-Will you marry me?" Tinakpan niya ang kaniyang mukha at tumalikod sa akin. Mabilis ko inabot sa staff ang aking hawak at hinawakan siya sa kaniyang magkabilang balikat.
"B-Baby, it's okay. Kaya ko pa maghintay," pagkasabi ko nito ay humarap siya sa akin at yinakap ako.
"Y-Yes.Yes! I want to marry you, Dandreb!" The time I heard those words from her, my tears started to roll down into my cheeks. As I looked at the calm waves, I'm sure that I was already complete.
"Thank you, t-thank you Jishanne. You're really worth to wait, baby..." Yinakap ko siyang muli.
"Yes! Sinagot na ako ng babaeng mahal na mahal ko. I love you so much, Jishanne Morie Guevarra!" I shouted as I put the ring on her finger.
And here, in the place where anxiety took us away from each other, is the same place where we also found our lost self.
BINABASA MO ANG
Silent Noise (Anxiety Series #1) (COMPLETED)
Teen Fiction"Noong nahanap ko ang sarili ko, nakahanap na rin pala siya ng ibang mamahalin." No one can hear my silent noise. And there, in the middle of my loneliness, like a shooting star that suddenly showed in the moonless night, he landed and stepped in my...
