Teach Me How To Live -~Zen Wistaria x Reader~-

Calm.

Last night, news spread to more than just my family and friends about the state I'm in now. Everyone in the castle heard.. Thats what Mitsuhide said anyway.. everyone stopped by Zens room just in the morning to check in on me. They wondered if what my father and obi said was really true. They found their answer..

They only stayed a minute.. it was just Shirayuki, obi, dad, raji, Kiki and Mitsuhide. I couldnt hear my niece.. Zen let me rest for today. He said I needed to get my strength back and take a break for a while. Zen had a meeting with lord Haruka, leaving me alone..

During this time alone, my mind wandered. It must be a living hell in tanburan for the castle.. I dont have leon or juniper.. They were the first couple to find the intruders and warn father. They didn't come with me.. Im scared for them. I'm scared what Dominic will do to the ones I've grown close to. I knew from the start to hide.. I should've kept to it.

I felt empty here. Laying in bed alone of someone I love most, yet I'm empty. I've lost.. This battle is over. My life was never my own and I knew that yet I pushed the limits of my chain. I came here in hopes of a better life and all I've done was bring death and pain.

Zen came back around lunch. He tried to make me eat. He even offered to feed me because I was so helpless.. I didnt touch anything though. I dont deserve to eat. I didn't eat dinner either. I refused.

The next day everyone came by to check on me again. This time, there was my niece. She was crying loud as can be..

"I think Lila missed her aunt, Y/n" Shirayuki called as she came over to where i sat up in bed. I haven't moved from here since I was laid here yesterday. My eyes slowly looked to the baby Shirayuki held. She's got dark hair like obi does, no surprise there.. she's still so little. Barely a month old I think.. maybe not even that..

"I'd bet you'd feel better if you got cuddle time" Shirayuki giggled as she leaned closer to me. Panic set in. She wants me to hold this baby in my state? She was already setting Lila down so I had no choice but to hold out my arms and take her!

"Maybe you can figure out how to make her stop crying" obi chuckled as he took my hand and moved it behind Lilas head to hold up. I cant stop a new born from crying, it doesn't matter if she feeds or gets a changed diaper, they just cry for months for no reason. That's a known fact.. I know so much about children yet I've never had experience with them till now.. I wish-.. I wish I had my own child.. But I've lost already. I can't have a child with someone I love. I got lucky during those days as a kid on that 'secret mission'. So lucky.. I dont want that to ever happen again but i-i don't have my own life anymore. I don't want anyone else to die! I want Lila to live and grow and I want our kingdoms to be safe! So I'm well aware of the position I'm in to protect it! I-I know-.. I know it's my life or the world's..

Tears filled my eyes.. I began to cry in front of everyone I loved. I cried quietly with this child whom I'd give everything up for. She'll grow up with a dad and mom and be loved by so many.. But I'll have to go. She'll never know me and that's alright.

"Y/n.." Dad sighed when he saw my tears. I've let go..

I slowly raised Lila back to her mother's arms. My body feels weighted down. I only lowered my head and stayed quiet.

"Ill bring you breakfast and you had better eat this morning." Raji spoke out through the silence.

Quietly, I sniffed up my tears. I don't want them to see me cry but I've given up..

"Ill find you some clothes. We can't have you walking around in master's pajamas all day" obi chuckled.

"Knock it off.." zen sighed in embarrassment. I'm sure I won't be walking around anywhere.. Im just waiting to be taken now..