The Father

Chapter 19

I'm spaced out.

Not entirely spaced out, because I'm very aware that Maxwell has his hand on either her thigh or her knee as they sit side by side at our dining room table.

Lena has prepared a brunch that I'm sure is delicious, but I have no appetite. Katherine is leaving soon to get to the airport. I couldn't see her last night or even yesterday afternoon because Maxwell wanted to spend the entire day with her. I got to see her before that, the day before, and I tried to tell myself that that should be enough. But it isn't, not for me.

Normally, I'd be asleep right now after the night I had. Lena had expected me to stay in bed, but I had to see her face, even if I can't touch her or get close to her.

"Michael? You okay?"

I blink and then I'm back into reality. Lena is smiling, I hadn't realized she'd put her hand on my wrist, and I force a smile back at her.

"Fine. Just thinking about work. Sorry. What did I miss?"

I couldn't care less about anything I missed. This is making me more miserable by the second. I don't want to watch him touch her or see her smile or not be able to be close to her the way I have been for months now. This may be one of my least favorite things; seeing them together in any capacity.

"Katherine was asking if we wanted her to bring us back any souvenirs."

"Ah."

I look to her now and try to ignore how breathtakingly beautiful she looks today. She's dressed in sweats and a white t-shirt, something comfortable for the eight hour plane ride no doubt, but it's perfect.

"Would you like something, Michael?"

You. Naked. Right now.

"I can't think of anything. If I do... I'll let Maxwell know and he can pass it on to you," I say quietly. "Excuse me."

I take my plate of practically uneaten food into the kitchen to escape from them. I've been dreading this day, felt sick because of it, and a feeling of overwhelming loneliness has already settled onto me and she hasn't even left yet. But she's going to. I've got an entire family and her leaving is going to break me.

Is this normal? Do other married men with mistresses feel this way when they leave? Some men have more than one, but do any of them feel the way that I do about her? I can't imagine anyone loving someone the way I love Katherine.

I wish she'd have cancelled the trip. I should have said something. It makes me feel bitter, even if I've gone to great lengths not to show it in front of her. I've kept reminding myself she'll be back, it's not forever. She'll be back.

She'll be back.

Outside on the patio I light a cigarette and sit in the shade. I'm sure Trish and Derek will be out here to swim at some point today, probably even before Katherine leaves. It's a swelteringly hot day, I'm already sweating just from sitting here. I place my hand on the back of my neck and feel that sweat, slide it up onto the back of my head, then smile.

The thick hair that was overgrown there from not getting my hair cut for months is gone. I found the time to have it cut last week and she went crazy over it, practically jumped me, and fucked me roughly.