The Father

Chapter 21

If she were any closer to me, I think she'd be inside of my skin. I've got my arms wrapped around her tight, she's facing me, and her face is pressed against my chest. She's fast asleep, breathing quietly, and clinging to me the same way she was last night.

I haven't slept much, not really at all. I just keep going over what happened last night... wondering if I could have ever done anything to Maxwell to make him capable of doing something like that.

He had every break, every advantage, with a father like me. I was supportive and present. He never wanted for anything. I gave him the world and he's not even technically my blood. And I never laid a hand on Lena, with or without him around. I never laid a hand on him or Trish, either. This is on him, completely. I just have to keep reminding myself of that.

I want to wake her up right now and tell her that she doesn't have to do it this way. She doesn't need to save him. He can save himself. But after last night I think her mind is made up. And I can't make this about me, even if I am deeply involved. She's the one who got hurt, I gave Maxwell what he deserved for hurting her, and she wants to stay with him until he gets his head on straight again.

We're going to have to discuss this more, though. I don't want them sleeping together anymore. I don't want him touching her at all, not in any way. I didn't want him to before, but this is different. 

As I continue to torture myself with my thoughts, I hold my right hand up and stare at it. My knuckles are crusted with blood and bruised, a mixture of red and purple. Every time I close it into a fist it it aches and reminds me of what I did.

My phone begins to vibrate. She must hear it, because she stirs and opens her eyes. I kiss her forehead softly, reach behind me, and grab it off of the nightstand.

It's Maxwell. I hesitate to answer it, then slowly sit up and turn away from her.

"Yes?"

"Hey."

There's a beat of silence between us. I can't stand the way his voice sounds, it fucking disgusts me.

"I just wanted to let you know I'm about to walk into this NA meeting."

I glance at her clock as she wraps her arms around my waist. It's early, only a little bit past eight, and I wonder if he even slept last night.

"Where?"

"In the Bronx, close to my apartment."

"Send me the address."

"Why?"

I roll my eyes.

"So I can make sure you actually go. Just send it to me. Now."

I hang up and rub at my eyes slowly. They're so tired feeling.

"Max?"

I shift and she lays her head against my bare thigh as she stares up at me. It threatens to arouse me. Any little touch from her does. But I can't get that way now because I have to go.

"Yes."

"What did he say?"

"He's going to the NA meeting. I have to go."

"You're leaving?"

"Yes. I want to make sure he goes. And I'd like to hear what he has to say. Or when he started using that shit."

I shouldn't even care, but I do want to know. The father part of me wants to. There's hardly any of that part left in me for him now. I never imagined that would happen, not even with me sleeping with his girlfriend.