The Father

Chapter 35

All those feelings of anger are bubbling up inside of me. I am so fucking angry with her.

Angry for leaving me when I needed her the most, for disappearing without a trace, for running away. She could have just stayed and I want to yell at her, tell her how horrible she's made me feel, and make her feel just as bad as I do. It's what I planned to do, it's what I came here for, to get some sort of closure.

But I can't get any of it out. She's standing in front of me and I can't quite comprehend it. I can't even take her all the way in, I can hardly stand to look at her face, because I want to burst into tears. It's now, while I'm struggling to meet her eyes, that I see that she's wearing that necklace I bought her in Albany.

I break free from my mind and before I know what I'm doing I've reached up and placed my fingers on that small black stone. It's just as cheap and flimsy as it was when I got it for her for next to nothing. And now it means everything. She's kept it, she's wearing it, she had no idea I was coming here today, and she's wearing it.

"Katherine," I whisper.

She crashes into me with so much force that I stumble backwards, she wraps her arms around my body, and begins to sob against me. My leg wants to give out, it's aching now, and the disposition I tried to keep crumbles instantly. The anger I felt diminishes to almost nothing and I wrap her up in my arms, slide down the wall and onto the ground, and cry quietly with her.

It's a complete outpour of emotions. I've never felt so many emotions swell inside of me at once.

I am in heaven with her body against mine, she's so close to me, but I quickly pull back. I grab the sides of her head and search her face, then stop on her eyes. They're red and filled with tears, they're sliding down her cheeks.

"Why did you leave me? You left me. You... you left me. You promised me you would never leave me."

I take a breath. The agony in my voice is severe, I want to know why, or how, she could've left. But I can't stop crying.

"I love you. I love you so much."

She presses her mouth to mine and I instantly kiss her back. I pull her as close to my body as I can get her and hold her tightly. My stomach feels as if it's exploding, it is an explosion inside of me, this kiss igniting every single passion I've had locked away and subdued. She's just as sweet as she was our last time together, so light and warm and comforting.

"God damn it, I have missed you so much."

I can barely get the words out, adrenaline and arousal is coursing through my body, and makes it difficult to speak. My tongue is as far into her mouth as I can get it, I want to taste her, that sweet perfection I've been denied for so long. I'm so amped up that I begin to pull at her clothes, tearing at her blouse, at those small buttons until they pop off. She's letting me, her hands are deep in my hair, and I press my lips to her chest. I don't care about whoever else is in there, about that car, I'm ready to throw her down and fuck her right here on this porch.

But as soon as I've freed one of her tits out of her black lace bra, she's stopping me. Or trying to. Why is she trying to stop me? Does she not want me?

"Please let me touch you," I beg softly. "Please. I'll do anything."

I continue to kiss her chest despite the way she's pushing at my shoulders. I can't help myself. I can't stop. She kissed me, she kissed me first, and I'm begging internally for her not to push me away.

"Mommy?"

I look quickly to the open doorway to see a small boy standing there.

Mommy? Did he just call her mommy?