When We Were Babies (Kurapika x Leorio parents)

21 Guilty Conscience

Their new summerhouse was spacious while at the same giving a very at home feel. The walls were creamy white with plush tea green sofas so soft it could act as a bed. The living space had long carpet that left footprints when walked upon. Everything was clean.

"I kept everything tidy before you came, Leorio." Alluka shyly played with her dress. "I tried my best so I won't be kicked out."

"Kicked out?" The brunette questioned, offering his handkerchief to the puffy eyed girl. "I would never! Your family with us now. No way would I do that. The thought never crossed my mind."

The girl sniffled and nodded, her anxieties put to rest by his comforting words. Gon patted her head softly while shifting in Leorio's arms as the brunette began to bounce his leg.

"I gotta take a leak!" He groaned, becoming fidgety. "Alluka where's the bathroom?"

"I'll show you." She giggled and took his hand, leading him upstairs. Kurapika watched them go, eyes trained on the brunette's back.

Total relief flooded through Leorio as he relieved himself, washing his hands and finally meeting his reflection in the mirror. Tiredness weighed his half lidded eyes and his mind swam in memories. It had been this way since the whole disaster in the skyscrapers. The silence that hung in the air now nearly drove him mad. His tried attempts at keeping an upbeat and jovial front was crumbling slowly. He hadn't had a rest since the boys had turned into infants, constantly on to care for them and for Kurapika, making sure to keep their spirits high while selfishly ignoring his own.

Wetness began sliding down his thin face, gradually increasing as his dark thoughts and regrets began to consume him. They were a never ending scream in his mind, speaking through old memories and his views of himself. He felt responsible for Kurapika's kidnapping and assault. It angered him that he was powerless to stop the whole thing from happening. These thoughts had begun making grooves into his mind for the amount of time he obsessively thought of them everyday, and he hated himself and his helplessness. With so much pressure on himself to keep his family safe and failing miserably ate away at his confidence and shattered his ego.

Lifting his head from a silent shudder, he was mildly surprised to see his reflection's expression was one of such sadness. Using a soft towel to dry his eyes and splashing cold water on his face, he straightened up, observing his thin form in the mirror one last time before he opened the door.

Useless.

Kurapika had wandered to the back yard, as he had gotten tired of waiting for the brunette and wheeled himself outside to get some air with Killua in his lap, enjoying the view with him. The vegetated expanse before them was a field of green and gold with a view of the sun dipping to let night rule. The blonde hugged the baby to him, feeling his chest rise and fall steadily. This would have been the most relaxing moment to have happened to him in the last month, but his mind was working a mile a minute.

He couldn't remember. The fact he couldn't recall a chunk of his memory kept stirring up a feeling of uncertainty so strong he felt the need to run, to hide from that gap of forgotten memories. But he had to think rationally. He began to drift in his mind, remembering the babies, Killua's death, Gon taken away with Hisoka, and all the other things during that time. He could remember it all clear as day. He mulled over each memory, turning them around in his mind to see all sides to see if he could find any clues. His heart shot to the roof when a certain face came to him, making him breathe heavy at the face.

Karen.

The face in his memory shone like a bright missing piece. His emotions seemed to bend and contort in extremes when he thought of her, a sick feeling coming over him. A loud cry brought him out of his thoughts as Kurapika realized he had unintentionally squeezed Killua tighter while he was thinking.