Finding Happiness

chapter 9

Riley clung to me as we watched the film. I had mixed feelings about her behaviour, on one hand I loved that she trusted me and obviously liked me enough to want comfort from me but the fact she was seeking comfort because she was scared had me angry. She didn't deserve to feel fear. Noah had come up not long after we had chosen something to watch.  At first his expression was angry but it quickly dissapearred when he saw Riley. He had left to go make dinner around half an hour ago. We silently agreed it would be best if i stayed  with her.

"Dinner is ready" Noah called and I looked down at Riley, she was  still clinging to me. "Riley let's go have dinner, you can sit next to me" I say and she reluctantly gets up. She follows me down.
"Take a seat Riles" Noah said which she did probably. Part of me was trying not to feel annoyed that he came up with a nickname first.
Once a plate was put in front of her, she slowly began eating but stopped when the door opened and Lucas walked in. Instead of greeting him like I always do I decided to ignore him. He wasn't even worth my time right now.

After some time Riley was struggling to eat and I was just about to tell her she doesn't have to eat more but Lucas decided to open his mouth. "Is our food not good enough for you" she nodded "it is, I'm sorry, sir" she defininitly feared him. "Then perhaps you should be more grateful, after all if you aren't going to eat why should our food be wasted on you" he snarled and I was furious. How dare he. A tear ran down her face and I couldn't contain my anger any longer. "Riley are you full" I force a nicer tone, she nods and I turn to Noah. "Noah is going to take you upstairs, he's great with homework stuff so he will help you"  Noah understood what was going on and nodded"yep, I'm actually super smart, smarter than these dummies, you will definitely get a A". He gave her a smile, I saw she was reluctant so I gave her a reassuring smile. "The worst Noah will do is bore you with useless facts" she smiles and nods "I'll come say goodnight in a bit" she reluctantly accepts this and allows Noah to lead her out.

I wait a few minutes until she's out of hearing range before I start.  I couldn't suppress my anger any longer.
"How fucking dare you Lucas" I snap getting up. He looked annoyed which pjssed me off further, he had no remorse whatsoever. "You were already in so much trouble, now you have fucked up even more. I will not tolerate this sort of behaviour in my house. Yes that's right, this is my house, I make the rules. You disobeyed me when you and your friends got drunk. Not only were you reckless but you put Riley in danger. Then you have the nerve to imply we wouldn't feed her" I want, by the end I was shouting and we were stood face to face. "Big deal, I'm not going to stop having fun with my friends because of her.  You are babying her too much. You used to make us eat everything on our plate, why not her"  he replied with annoyance.

"Please father, Noah and Lucas are too young to be eating that much food, please don't punish them, I'll make sure they eat everything from now on" a young Sebastian begged his monster of a father. His father chuckled "not good enough" without thinking Sebastian spoke "I'll take their punishments" Sebastian never had any regrets, and he would go on to take multiple beatings every time his brothers didn't eat everything. He knew his father purposely asked the maids to plate them larger potions just so he could beat his son. 

The memory of the beatings I received from my father wouldn't go away no matter how much I tried. "You're such a hypercrite Sebastian" Lucas continued, he was aware of our fathers tyrancy but he didn't have a clue how evil he was. Neither of them did. Neither of them knew I took beatings for them when they left their food or when they did something father wouldn't approve of.

"Shut the fuck up Lucas" I warn not feeling emotionally well enough to continue this conversation. "Or what, you won't do anything" he taunted and tried to leave, as he walked past me he nudged me and laughed "you're weak as hell Sebastian" as he laughed I lost all my rational side and grabbed his arm,stopping him from walking out. "Do not talk to me like that, I'm warning you now, you will regret it" he rolled his eyes "I'll do whatever I want". That was it,I lost it. My hand found its way connecting with his cheek and for a split second we both were stunned. "You're more like father" his comment struck a nerve, I wasn't happy at all. "I am nothing like that monster" I walk out not having the energy to deal with him anymore.

Did I feel guilty for hitting him? Yes
Did I think he deserved it? Yes

Riley

I was still unsure of Noah, although he didn't seem to be a threat as of now, i knew from experience that a person could snap within seconds. We tried to focus on my homework but we both could hear the shouting coming from downstairs. I had tried my best to force the memories away but Kevin's words wouldn't disappear from my mind

"You don't deserve food, you barely ate when your mum was here, I'm not going to waste my food on you"

We heard footsteps coming upstairs followed by a door slamming. "Do you think he's ok" I ask Noah and he looks unsure but nods "yeah Lucas will be fine"  i didn't mean Lucas though. "I meant Sebastian, he seemed really angry when we left. I hope he's ok"  Noah looked at me with a odd expression then smiled widely. "I'm so glad you are here Riles. Sebastian is so much happier now that you are back. That's not the only reason of course, I too think you are wonderful and so very sweet" he stated and I couldn't help the smile that made its way on to my face. "How about I go talk to Lucas and you talk to Sebastian, they are probably both feeling a little.... overwhelmed."  I nodded at his suggestion. And together we went in search of them. We checked Sebastian's office first and then their rooms since we heard a door slam. First Lucas's room but he wasn't in there so we went to Sebastian's. He was stood punching a punch bag, at each hit I flinched, I saw how strong he was and it was definitely tons more than Kevin. "Sebastian" Noah called, his hand was now on my shoulder and he had positioned himself in a way as if he was shielding me. Sebastian turned, his eyes drifted towards me"what is she doing here" his words did hurt a little but I decided to ignore them
"Are you ok si..sebastian" I hoped he didn't realize my mistake of almost addressing him as sir but sadly he did however he chose not to comment. "Yes I'm ok, you shouldn't be here though. You shouldn't have to see me like this" he spoke and I could hear how broken he was and it hurt. "Nothing I haven't seen before" I whisper but they both hear. "Yes I know but I don't want you to think I'm like him' Sebastian said and he looked away. I didn't even think about it, I stepped forward and hugged him. "I don't" I reassure him and he quickly tightens his hug. "Who is him" Noah spoke after a few moments of letting us hug. I was grateful Sebastian never told him but I knew it would be best to tell Noah. "Kevin my step dad abused me" saying it out loud felt better, it felt like I was finally ready to move on. "Actually explains alot.  Riley I want you to know we are nothing like him" Noah said and I nodded. I believed him.
"I'll let you two continue your moment whilst I go find Lucas"  he left soon after and Sebastian smiled weakly at me "it's getting late, you need some sleep" I was hesitant to listen to him as I could see what state he was in "only if you promise you will be ok" I compremise and a look of shock makes its way onto his face, the shock quickly turns into amusement "a little blackmail don't you think"  he said but his tone showed he wasn't angry. "Not at all, I just want you to be ok, now lets go get hot chocolate" I reply this time he laughs "aren't I suppose to be the one in charge" he asks as I lead him out. "Yeah but your sad" I reply and he nods "hot chocolate it is then"

Sebastian

I was pleased Riley was starting to gain more confidence. I allowed her to lead me to the kitchen and before she could start making the drinks I began doing it for us. She was the best thing that at happened to us. I looked at her and for a moment I wished I was as strong as her.
The abuse she put up with and she's still not a sadistic monster like me.
I suppose her stepfather never forced her to do such things, she never had any siblings to protect. Our situations were completely different yet so very similar.