Finding Happiness

chapter 40

Sebastian

"Ok Sebastian, I really am sorry. I'll do as you say, I'll be good and won't cause any more trouble"

Hearing her say that had my cold walls start to fall. Today had been stressful already and it wasn't even lunch time.

I hated how this morning went. She finally knew and she accepted me. But I still felt on edge that any minute she would call me a killer and hate me, well she had just called me a killer which hurt. I wanted her out of my office before I said something I'd regret unfortunately she didn't leave and our conversation continued.

How had it come to this though?

This morning I had woken up to Riley cuddled up in my chest and now as I look at her I see fear.
I couldn't blame Lucas though, he only spoke the truth and I liked to think I taught my brothers to be truthful.
I wasn't happy at his approach and after Noah took Riley out we had a 'talk'. It didn't end well, we were not on speaking terms at the moment.

"Sebastian please say something"
I snapped back to reality and looked at her, my cold dimeanor slipped away as I looked at her more.

She really was my sunshine.

I sigh feeling guilty again. I couldn't let her grow up like I did, I didn't want her to fear me, I wanted her to come to me for any problems even boys. Although I knew I couldn't promise I'd handle it well, I wanted to be there for my sister no matter what.
I wanted her to be different from us, I wanted her to grow up and have a choice regarding her future.
"Father is the reason I don't like Seb" I simply state, she already knew partly so why not add to it. She deserved to know especially at how cold I just was.
" I'm sorry" she whispered.
"What you said about doing as I say and being good" I start trying to think of how best to approach this.
"Yeah I promise I will"

"No, I don't want that. I don't want you to see me like you saw Kevin and I saw father. I don't want you to fear me, I don't want you to think you cant do something because I wouldnt be happy" I try to explain the best I can and I think I managed it because she smiles.
She quickly comes to me and hugs me, I don't waste time and wrap my arms around her.

"Thank you Sebastian, I promise I'll try, but it's hard. Everytime i do something wrong I can't help expect some sort of punishment"
I hated the word punishment and I hated knowing she expected me to punish her.
But I couldn't tell her not to think that, she still would, no matter if I told her not to worry or if I promised I wouldn't, her mind wouldn't allow her to believe me, so I knew it was pointless telling her she wasn't going to get hurt so instead I opted for a different approach.
"And that's okay, we can work on those feelings together" I tell her trying to let her know I accept her feelings and I wasn't going to have her bury them thankfully she seems satisfied as she buried her head into my neck.

I decide to lighten the topic after a few minutes of silent hugging.
"I should perhaps give you my entire wardrobe at this rate"
She gives me a adorable confused look so I continue "the jacket is mine" she looks like she only just remembered she was still wearing it which I found amusing. I noticed when Noah brought her in that she was wearing it and I knew it was more likely because she keeps her jackets in her room and Noah wanted to get her out as quick as possible.
"Sorry I didn't know, Noah just gave it me" I hate how nervous I make her.
"It's fine, how about we go find Noah I'm sure he is probably worrying about you"  I change the topic hoping she wouldn't feel guilty for wearing it anymore than she already did.

"Why is he worried" she asks as we walk out of my office.
"Because I'm the big bad monster"
She turns to me and glares and suddenly I don't feel safe. "Don't you dare call yourself a monster Sebastian" Jesus she really was a mini me. I simply nod, part of me didn't want to cross her although I found her amusing when she was like this. Maybe it was amusing because of how much she reminded me of myself. Maybe I did like the fact she was a mini me, I would never admit it to my brothers or even Riley.

"So are we all good" Noah asked and I nod. "I'm not completely good" Riley says and my attention is brought solely to her "why what's wrong, did I do something, are you ok" I can't help but panic. "I'm fine, I'll be good when I find a nickname for you though" I couldn't help roll my eyes at her childishness. "Any names I should avoid"  she asks and I shake my head "just Seb" I hated the memories that came with the nickname.
"What did you do to him" I heard Noah ask Riley, his attempt at whispering failed.
"What do you mean, I didn't do anything. I swear I didn't" she was panicking and I hated seeing her like this. I didn't say anything I just pulled her into my chest and held her. "I only meant it as a joke" Noah mumbled and I give him a nod. I knew what he meant, but Riley was on edge, she took it the wrong way.
"Noah why don't you explain what you meant" I suggest hoping it would calm her.
"Yeah I just meant when I left you with Sebastian, he looked extremely annoyed and then you both come down and he's now a big softie"
She looks over at Noah after his explanation and then a look of guilt can be seen.
"I'm sorry" and she pulls away from me looking at me with guilt. Why does she feel like this.
"I shouldn't have overreacted, that was stupid of me. I had no reason to panic, you shouldn't have to comfort me for every small thing" she explained.
Both Noah and I shared a look. Our sister had been put through way to much shit, she deserved more than what we could give her.
"I don't care if you get scared due to a jump scare in a movie, I'm going to be comforting you regardless of whether you don't think you deserve it because Riley you really do" I tell her hoping it is reassuring. Noah continued after I had spoken.
"Yeah me too, you don't deserve to feel anything but happy, we are your brothers and even though Lucas isn't here right now and he's being a dick, he would still tell you the same. All three of us will be there whenever you need us"

Note
So Sebastian is just 😍🥺 one of my favourite characters to write. Hope you all enjoyed this chapter.

I don't exactly know where I'm going with this book anymore so the writing quality is going to probably end up being terrible.

Thinking of starting another side book, got quite a few ideas but is there any story line you guys would like to read?