Finding Happiness

chapter 41

After the emotional support we decided to let Riley decide on what we would do today. She seemed quite happy just lounging around.

Half way through the film, Noah went and made lunch, it was a little too healthy for my liking though, don't get me wrong I prefer healthy foods but when watching a movie especially with Riley I'd much prefer unhealthy foods to snack on.
"If you eat it I'll make you popcorn later" I whisper to Riley as I knew I couldn't just give her unhealthy stuff but she was looking at the food like it would poisen her. She smiled at my compromise and begun eating.

My mind wandered as I watched the film, I had no idea what was happening but Noah and Riley had there full attention on it.

I felt bad, Lucas should be here but after this morning he just stormed out and I let him, he needed time to cool off.

Lucas and I never got along great growing up, he saw me as cold and distant but the truth was I wanted to protect him. He was the youngest of my brothers, because mum took Riley the responsibility of protecting her fell to mother, and Lucas was the youngest in the house, father of course corrupted him but I was not going to let him beat Lucas for all the stupid things he did, instead I took the beatings and there was alot which made me strict and distant with him, I didn't want Lucas causing trouble, I hated the amount if pain father caused me but I would do it again and again to save my siblings.

I looked down at Riley, she was laid on the sofa with her head against my chest as we watched the film. I thought back to our first meeting, she was terrified of me, hell she even compared me to the devil which is flattering if it wasn't her. We had come so far in the several weeks she had been here. From a hand shake to not wanting her out of my arms. I was sure when I first met her that Noah would become the favourite. He's the one with the least issues, he was calm and didn't react irrationally.
Everyone preferred Noah.
He was a hell of a lot nicer to the gang
He would handle all legal aspects of my work with professionalism.
Lucas preferred Noah, especially growing up so I thought it would probably be the same.

But she preferred me. I was her favourite brother, I was her go to person. I had never been someone's favourite before.

To everyone I was a monster, I was a tyrant, the devil but to her I wasn't.
Sure my brothers had seen the nice side of me but that never lasted long, especially to Lucas who saw me as an evil dictator because I was the one to enforce father's rules.

My thoughts drifted further and further. Before Riley the last film I watched was when I was 14, Noah would have been 10 and Lucas 7. Father had gone out for the day leaving me in charge, Lucas was crying so much because he couldn't watch this film, Noah had convinced me to let him watch and I stupidly agreed. Half way through I joined them, the film looked entertaining although it didn't last long, father had come back early. He saw we were watching a film and his eyes darkened. I knew I was in trouble when he took me to his office. I had begged him not to hurt Lucas and Noah, I couldn't let my brothers be like me and so he beat me till I fell into an unconscious state.

"You ok Sebastian"

I turned to Noah and nod, Riley looked up at me, I saw in her eyes how she analysed me.
"If you want to talk about we can" Riley told me so only I could hear.
"It's ok Riley" I mumble, I had to be strong for her.
Her past was worse.

Riley

I saw a look on Sebastian that I remembered all to well. The look of fear, he was thinking about his past and I hated not being able to help after everything Sebastian has done for me.

"Riley sorry to ask but can you take the plates to the kitchen" Noah said breaking the silence.
"I'll do it" Sebastian said before I could even say anything.
"Didnt you give her extra chores, this is one of them" Noah said and I quickly grabbed the plates before Sebastian could. Thankfully he reluctantly sat back down.
As I walk past Noah he gives me a smile "I need a word with him" he whispers and I nod. It was kind of obvious anyway. "Be nice, I don't think he's doing ok" I whisper back and he nods.  I leave quickly. I knew Noah was the one Sebastian would rather share his problems with, i knew he felt guilty when he told me about our father.

I felt bad for Sebastian, I wanted to hug him, I knew what he was going through and it hurt to know he felt what I felt growing up.
I couldn't go back into the living room, I knew Noah had only sent me off with the plates as an excuse to talk to Sebastian. I hoped Sebastian would open up to Noah because I'm pretty sure Noah doesn't really know.
I decided to make myself useful and wash the plates because I didn't know if I could walk past the living room without going in.

Meanwhile

3rd person

"Sebastian please open up to me" Noah said for the 5th time. Each time Sebastian would comment on something.
"Why did you send Riley out" Sebastian asked although he did know, he just didn't want to have this conversation. "Look I know you had it bad, but it might help if you shared it. I can help you" Noah said and Sebastian just stood up, he wanted to leave.

"I'm not a child anymore, you don't have to protect me" Noah said, he wanted to help his brother but he didn't know how. "you're not a child but you are my brother, it's my job to protect you" Sebastian told him, he didn't like where this was heading. "Well you're my brother so it's my job to protect you" Noah replied using his own words against him. "quite litterally, it's probably even part of my job description too" Noah continued as he saw how uncomfortable Sebastian was getting, he wanted to lighten the mood. It had little effect on Sebastian but he did roll his eyes.

"I know you made Lucas and I go into the bedroom because father was angry" Noah blurted out as Sebastian walked out of the living room.

Sebastian turned, his eyes turned almost dark. "What else do you know" he asked. His tone made Noah gulp, Sebastian had a way of scaring even those closest to him.
"Not much, just father liked to blame you for everything" Noah vaguely replied. He wouldn't show it but just looking at Sebastian's expression had him scared.
"Blame me, how" Sebastian sort of asked, he was well aware how terrifying he looked but he was panicking. He couldn't let Noah or Lucas find out, he had to be strong for them.
But he told Riley? He knew telling her was stupid but he couldn't exactly hide it after the second nightmare. Riley was smart and she knew what abuse looked like, she would figure it out and so Sebastian told her because he would rather tell her himself then have her figure it out.
"I don't know, lectures in father's office"  Noah said, he chose not to say the words that he suspected. He saw Sebastian wasn't ready and he wasn't going to force him to tell him and confirm Noah's suspicions.
But even though Noah had suspicions he refused to believe they were truth. It was Sebastian after all.