Finding Happiness

chapter 37

Aesthetic for the chapter

Riley

I woke up wrapped in Sebastians arms, I heard him mumbling something which wasn't clear.
Another nightmare?
"No please don't"

Yep definitely a nightmare.
I decided to approach this situation differently so I unwrapped myself from his arms and climbed out of bed to wake him up.

Only as soon as I was out of bed his eyes snapped open and went straight to the spot I was laid in. "Riley" he asked. "I'm here" he looks up and I see a wave of relief pass his face. "Thank god" he mumbled then continued. "Are you ok" I nod. "Are you ok" I repeat his question, his facial features change and for a minute I thought he was going to put his walls up but instead he pats the bed. "You deserve to know" he whispered as I climbed back in bed. I laid my head on his chest, getting comfortable. He smiled down at me and wrapped his arm around me. "You know we all had a bad childhood" he started and I gulped. This was going to be tough but I could handle it. I had too, for Sebastian. "I did things as a child I wasn't proud of Riley" I gulped, did I really want to know this?

"Our father threatened to kill Lucas and Noah if I didn't do these things, he was a monster. I was strict on my brothers because dad encouraged them to break his rules so he could beat me more, I made a deal that I would take my brothers punishments. I was especially strict with Lucas because he misbehaved alot. I'm sorry Riley, I shouldn't be telling you this. I know you had it worse and I shouldn't be telling you this but I am. I never told anyone, not even Noah or Lucas. I'm sorry. Father made me like this, I am a monster"

Oh shit. I didn't expect that but I turned and hugged him tightly. "You are not a monster. You did it to protect those you love" I tell him trying to reassure him. "I couldn't protect them from everything though. Lucas is an addict, Noah well he tends to overreact with his anger issues from time to time. And you, I could have tracked you down, I could have ended the abuse sooner but I thought you were safer away from father"
Sebastian had tears running down his face now and I tightened my hug.
"You did what was nessacary to protect them. As for me, I'm safe now Sebastian, I know you won't hurt me, I know you will protect me. Sebastian it's okay. I know how it feels. We can get through this together"

My reassurance seemed to work because he nodded and hugged me tighter. "I don't deserve happiness and yet I have you my little sunshine"  I smile at his words "you deserve so much happiness, never doubt that"

We stayed hugging for a while until there was a knock at his door.
"Sebastian can I come in" Noah called, Sebastian looked at the door with annoyance but then it turned to worry "don't tell him about what I told you I'm sorry to put this pressure on you. God I'm awful for making you keep this to yourself but when the time comes I want to be the one to tell them. I'm sorry Riley" he rambled and i hugged him once more "you kept my secrets, it's only fair I keep yours" I reply, i understood him and I wasn't going to tell Noah and I currently had no intention of speaking to Lucas at all.
"Come in, if you must" Sebastian called not bothering to hide his annoyance.
"Aw adorable" Noah said as he spotted us when he entered.
"Should I leave" I ask realizing this might be something private between them both.
Sebastian didn't seem ready to let go of me though so I wasn't too sure what to do.
"No I'm not stopping, just came to see if Sebastian had any meetings today" Noah anwsered. 
"Not today, I decided to take today off"  he replied which confused me and worried me.Sebastian didn't take days off unless it was the weekend. Wait....its Saturday.
"It's Saturday" I say smiling knowing I didn't have to go to school.
"Yep, did you forget" Noah asks and I nod. He chuckles at my anwser "I'm going to go make breakfast" he says after a while then leaves.

"Ok we both need to get up and ready for the day"  Sebastian says standing. This was my cue to leave. "Can I at least keep your hoodie" I ask and he smiles "sure, take this one too" he said and seconds later he handed me another hoodie.

On the way back to my room I see Lucas and Noah, Noah seemed pissed as he was having words with Lucas. I couldn't hear everything but the bits I did hear made me shudder
"You better behave today"
"I swear to god if you take your anger out on Sebastian again"

I quickly entered my room not wanting to hear anymore. I planned to stay in Sebastians hoodie all day, it was comforting. Now I knew more about his childhood I was even more worried but also I was more pissed off with Lucas, I understood Lucas didn't know what happened but all Sebastian has ever done was protect him and Lucas goes and hurts him. It made me angry and I knew I had to bury this anger before saying something I'd regret.

I quickly did my morning routine and got dressed into a similar outfit, the second hoodie Sebastian had gave me and some denim shorts.

  (Ignore writing on the back)

I entered the kitchen and Noah was finishing up making breakfast, I still felt bad that I couldn't do anything. "Need any help" I ask hoping he did. "Nope almost done" he replies and hands me a glass of juice. He paused for a moment and looked at my hoodie then grinned. "Sebastian gave you another hoodie" he comments and I nod. "And it's so cozy" I tell him and laughs "I need to up my game, I don't suppose there is a chance that Sebastian can be replaced as your favourite brother" his tone was light and it was easy to tell he wasn't being serious which I was thankful for, Noah didn't want to be my favourite, he wanted it to be Sebastian.
"Nope. It's always going to be Sebastian"

"I'm glad to hear that"
I turn and see Sebastian standing at the door smiling.

"You know he's a killer right"