The Devils On My Shoulder | ChanHoMin

11

seungmin lay onto he floor, shivering uncontrollably, the room he was kept in was already cold enough, but the water was freezing and he couldn't move, his side where he landed hurt a lot, he just curled himself into a ball and cried helplessly.

he couldn't take this anymore, the amount of pain that chan's words put him through was unbearable, he had been longing for felix this whole time and his best friend didn't even care. chan was right, felix never needed him, he had changbin and all seungmin did was get in the way of their relationship because nobody else had time for him.

he lay on the cold floor for a while before forcing himself to stand, the agonising pain shooting up the side of his body was hard to endure, but he limped weakly to the pile of dirty clothes he had previously been wearing. they hadn't left him clean ones before leaving so he had no choice but to put those back on his cold, wet, aching body. he climbed onto his bed, wrapping himself in the thin blanket in search of some kind of comfort.

eventually the blanket and his bed were soaked through and he was shivering again as water dripped down from his hair onto his face. he couldn't tell the difference between water and his tears anymore, he was in so much pain, and he was so cold but he had no control over the exhaustion that took over his body and sent him to sleep.

the next few days were hell, the bed started smelling bad from the water that had soaked it and his clothes smelled bad too. he was constantly cold and the lack of food making him lose weight made him colder.

he had gone another three days with nothing, no food or interaction and his mind was starting to unravel.

he found himself craving freedom so badly that he invisioned felix coming to save him more times than he could handle. he wanted someone to come and comfort him. anything, he needed anything, he couldn't take this anymore and he didn't care if he had to beg on his knees for his abusers to let him go, he would do whatever it took just for one call with felix, send him a note or maybe even see him, he despised them both with everything he was, but he needed felix's voice. he knew it was no use asking to go back to felix, felix didn't want him anymore.

he would cry so hard over the days that eventually no tears came out, the only thing that he could think of was the desperate need for comfort, he needed it so badly it was overwhelming. his chest got tight and he couldn't breathe when he thought about felix, he could only silently beg for warmth of any kind and it was getting too much for him to handle.

—

seungmin was sat in the middle of his bed, he felt disgusting in what he was wearing, he so badly wanted to wash, he didn't care if the rag hurt him, he just wanted clean clothes, his mind was spinning out of control, he was desperate to hear footsteps, so desperate he kept imagining them, he looked up at the door every time he thought he heard something.

he was so confused about what was what wasn't that he got scared when he heard real footsteps, he looked up as the locks shifted and the door opened.

he had been trying to hold his emotions in, not showing them the vulnerability he was feeling, but when he saw them walk into his room he couldn't help it, he shifted eagerly, staring hard at them.

chan walked in after minho, closing the door, the both of them stood and stared at him.

"do you have anything to say?"

seungmin broke, he couldn't risk not being able to be cleaned, he felt disgusted in himself. he looked down, immediately letting his tears overflow.

"i-i'm sorry." he whispered, feeling so defeated that he was saying it.

"what was that?"

"i'm sorry, i'm so sorry." he cried, lifting his head to look at them.

minho hid a smirk as he watched the boy get weaker.

"are you really?"

"yes! please! i-i'm so sorry." he rambled, shifting closer to the edge of the bed where they were until he was right in front of them.

minho looked down at him, he looked pathetic, but he loved it. it gave him satisfaction seeing seungmin so weak and vulnerable. it was pleasurable.

he leaned down a little when seungmin spoke again.

"p-please."

"please what?"

"i need to wash." seungmin mumbled, embarrassed of it.

every part of seungmin's body felt dirty, he didn't care about them seeing him naked or hurting him with the rag.

minho looked at him with an amused smile.

"are you going to behave and do as we tell you?"

of course, seungmin wanted to do the exact opposite of what they told him for no reason other than to spite them but he nodded, he didn't care what he was agreeing to, he couldn't sit in this room without being cleaned anymore.

minho opened the door again and grabbed the bucket of water sitting outside the door.

seungmin immediately stood up and pulled his shirt off, staring to remove his shorts too, kicking them aside.

chan and minho pulled him closer and started to wash him with the rags, dragging it harshly over his body. seungmin didn't care, he stood still and didn't complain so they could wash him.

he shivered a bit when they were done and minho handed him clean clothes, watching seungmin put them on.

"kneel down."

seungmin looked at them a little confused.

"don't make me repeat myself."

he really didn't want to anger them since their idea of a punishment seemed to be taking away essentials and he hated that so he slowly knelt down on the floor in front of the bucket. chan held seungmin's neck and used it to make him lean over the bucket as minho started to use his hands to wash seungmin's hair in the water.

seungmin closed his eyes and held his breath as the cold water ran down onto his face and neck, making him shiver.

when they were finally done, chan used the old t-shirt to roughly dry seungmin's hair, making him wince a little at how rough he was but he tried not to complain too much and just take it. it wasn't long before they packed up the bucket and clothes and got ready to leave.

minho put a container of food on the table before they both went to the door to leave.

––

seungmin felt a stinging in his chest as he finally started to come down from another panic attack, his breaths were shaky and labored as he clutched the blanket, he cried harder than he had yet, his hands landing on his cheeks as he tried to comfort himself the way felix used to, he heard felix's soothing voice in his head and cried harder, his body physically heaving as he leaned against the wall, his knees drawn to his chest.

he needed his medication, he needed his comfort items, he needed his therapist, tears streaming down his face and the empty feeling slowly returned. he was having continuous panic attacks daily from the noises he could hear outside the door.

footsteps. voices. banging. screaming. shouting.

each sound scared seungmin into painfully long and uncontrollable panic attacks where all he could do was curl up in the corner, gasp for air and sob until his body hurt. it was becoming too much to handle and driving him to insanity, he couldn't live like this anymore, he didn't know what these men wanted with him. everything was so confusing and painful.

he flinched when he heard loud banging again, then a scream and loud pops. he covered his ears and put his head on his knees, starting to cry again as images and scenarios flashed in his head an each one he thought of scared him. he didn't want anyone to get hurt, there were more hostages like him and he couldn't imagine the torture they were going through to let out screams like that. it only made him want to behave better and do as they say to protect himself.

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