The Devils On My Shoulder | ChanHoMin

48

seungmin was taken back to his room when they couldn't figure out anything else for him to do, minho caught up with them after getting clean sheets from the cupboard, chan went around the room, inspecting the surfaces for dust while minho put the clean sheets on the bed.

"does this need to be washed?" chan asked, opening the drawer of the caninet and pointing at the hoodie in it.

seungmin shook his head.

"no, i haven't worn it much, this one might?" he replied, pointing to the one he was wearing.

chan hummed and closed the drawer, coming over to seungmin.

"take it off."

seungmin did as he was told, slipping the hoodie off, handing it to chan, he was wearing a thin t-shirt underneath but he felt cold without the hoodie.

seungmin watched chan toss the hoodie by the door as minho finished dressing the bed.

"there."

seungmin came over and picked his bear up from the floor, dusting it off and sitting it on the bed, smiling a tiny bit at it.

"it's only another few hours until you'll eat again."

seungmin nodded, it felt eventful already, he didn't want to get into bed, they were clean sheets and he wanted a clean body and hair and clean clothes to get into his clean bed.

both men were getting up and ready to leave the room, walking out and shutting the door, making sure it was locked.

seungmin smiled a bit and picked up his bear, taking it to the window. he looked out of it as he hugged the bear to his chest.

"i'm not going to get out there, i don't think i'll escape," he whispered "but it's okay, i don't need to right? if i keep being good they'll get me more things, then i don't need to go out there..."

he was trying his best to convince himself, that seemed to be the best source of comfort recently.

"if i behave really good, maybe they'll let me eat something new, then i really don't need to go."

he rested his forehead against the glass, looking down into the back yard.

"it might be nice to go there though, and breathe some air, touch the grass, maybe pick some flowers to put in a vase."

talking out loud felt a lot more comfortable now he had his bear, he felt less like a crazy person talking to himself and more like he had someone to talk to.

"you need a name." he looked down at the bear.

he played with it's ears and felt how soft it was.

"i can call you felix."

he smiled sadly and hugged the bear tight, nuzzling his cheek against it.

"i miss felix, but i don't think he misses me."

he sighed and looked back at the window, thinking. it hurt a lot to think that nobody was bothering to look for him, nobody really noticed he was gone, but maybe that was for the best, he didn't want a lot of people hurt by it, and he tried to tell himself that because nobody missed him, that meant nobody was hurting.

his feelings were all over the place recently.

"i know i'm bad... i should hate them but i can't, i really did try to, but i couldn't do it, the real felix would be disgusted in me if he saw how much i need them sometimes, i don't like needing them though."

he sighed as he spoke, it felt like a weight was lifted when he talked his feelings out loud.

his bear was a good listener.

__

seungmin had fought the urge to get into bed the rest of the afternoon, now that his sheets were clean he only had the small blanket he had brought with him and kept in his bed since he was in the cell, he had that around him and his bear in his lap as he sat on the floor under the window, watching the screen on his dvd player.

he had seen all four movies multiple times already but he didn't care, he would watch them again. he looked up when he heard them coming.

he paused the movie and watched the door open, they looked at the bed, then down at him in confusion.

"why are you on the floor?"

"i want to shower before i get into bed."

"right- okay then."

minho walked over and handed him a container, seungmin took it and thanked him, taking the spoon too and opening it carefully, starting to eat the soup, chan was holding some clean clothes that he put on the end of the bed ready for him to put on when he showered.

seungmin tried to eat relatively quickly, partly because he was tired of the taste, but also because he was eager to shower and get into bed. he pushed the container aside and swallowed his last mouthful before putting his bear and his blanket on the bed and going to get his new shower products.

seungmin walked out of his room towards the bathroom, he didn't fully notice that they weren't following close behind him like usual, he was too caught up in getting to shower, minho looked at chan.

"it's as if he doesn't even think about trying to run."

"either he's stupid or he's secretly planning something."

minho hummed and followed seungmin to the bathroom, usually, only one of them would supervise him while he showered but both chan and minho walked into the bathroom and locked the door behind them.

seungmin had put his things in the shower and was pulling off his clothes when he noticed them. that was a little uncomfortable.

he tried not to pay attention to them as he slipped his shorts down, their eyes on him was very unsettling so he stepped in and shut the glass door as quickly as possible, turning on the water and hoping it would steam up fast to cover his body up a bit.

he stood under the hot water, completely relaxing, it felt so good on his skin, it made the bad feelings wash away for a while, he closed his eyes and let himself focus on it. but not for long.

"hurry up, you're wasting water."

seungmin wanted to roll his eyes and tell them to leave him alone so he could enjoy it but he did as he was told, not wanting them to take hot showers away, he grabbed his body wash and opened it, putting some on his hands and lathering it up, it was cheap so it wasn't the best product he'd ever seen, but it smelled good and it would get him clean so he couldn't complain.

he started washing his body, humming quietly to himself as he tried to ignore their eyes burning into his back, literally staring him down with intensity as he showered, it was very uncomfortable but he tried to just focus on himself.

=♡=