The Pseudocide of the Moon - Complete

Olivia

Three weeks. It's been three weeks since Chris left my house. Three weeks since I've last talked to him. The first week he tried calling and texting. But I couldn't make myself answer. I needed some space to think.

I was so conflicted. I missed him. I saw funny memes that I wanted to send him and I couldn't. I found cute coffee shops I wanted to visit with him and I couldn't.

But then I remembered even if I wanted to share those things with him... we'd have to hide. I don't want to have to hide. I don't want my life exposed. I don't want to be scrutinized by a bunch of 16 year old girls.

I don't want the world to tell me who I am, or who I do or don't deserve to be with.

It's scary to think I could go to the grocery store and get mobbed. And for what? Because I'm dating a celebrity?

And that's where the bigger internal confliction comes in.

I like him. Like a lot. All I want is to spend time with him. I love seeing how his eyes crinkle when he smiles. I love when he hits his chest when he laughs. Everything about him is infatuating. He's just so gorgeous. In the most normal way too. Like he isn't unreal, he's very real. He's flawed, and human. And that makes him so much more special.

I just don't know. I really want to be with him. I'm just scared. I wish I didn't have to push him away.

I've looked him up. I even watched Gifted the other day. I cried. I don't know if it was because of him, or the storyline. But I cried. A lot.

And he's been sending me flowers. Everyday.

"Hey Olivia? Where do you want-"

"You already know."

"Yup," Lucy took the flowers into a random patients room and gave them the flowers.

I've been getting so many flowers that I've just had Lucy pass them out to patients saying they're a gift. Some patients are lonely in here so it's actually been great for the patients.

I also ended up bringing flowers from home to the hospital, because not only does he have flowers sent to the hospital, he has them sent to my home.

It feels like I just had a funeral or something.

"Oooh double shot today Olivia!" Lucy holds up another bouquet of flowers.

I roll my eyes. "Goodness grief, when will it stop? Just keep 'em."

"Nice!"

She places them by her desktop, "So are you ever gonna tell me who sent these to ya?"

"Nope."

"Aww come on, don't be like that. Whoever it is is either in love with you or really sorry. Or maybe both."

"I don't care. The first three were cute, but afterwards it was unnecessary."

"I feel like you should at least give him a chance."

I give her an annoyed look.

"Lucy..."

"Don't Lucy me. If I'm right, which I know I am, it's a guy. He's probably totally head of heels for you. He's also probably really sorry for messing things up. And he probably really misses you."

"I mean yeah, but it's not that simple..."

"Look you hear him out. He apologizes. And if you thinks he's sincere then you forgive him and you move on. You can't just push someone who makes you happy away."

"How do-"

"I'm not blind Olivia. I know somethings been up with you. You're a nice cheery person, but no one's always that happy. It's not normal."