The Pseudocide of the Moon - Complete

Olivia

"So what was that about?" Chris finally asks as my sobs calmed down to sniffles.

"I didn't tell my mom I was seeing someone... I'm sorry. I should have mentioned that to you."

"But why? Why she so against you dating?"

How do I tell him? I don't want him to have any pity for me. I've talked to Matt about this but... was I ready to talk to Chris about this? I had to be.

"Olivia?" Chris' eyes look at me softly, searching mine for an answer.

"It's kind of a long story... Um... When I lived in New York, before coming here, I had a boyfriend. I had met him at the gym I went to, and he was really nice. He's was really friendly every time I came in, and well he eventually asked me out. After a few months he moved in with me and that's when things started changing. He was... difficult to say the least. I thought I loved him so I let him stay. I let him..."

Tears start brimming my eyes again, "I'm sorry."

"It's okay honey, you don't have to tell me if you're not ready," he whispers.

"No I- I have to let this out. I have to tell you. If not for you, but for me."

I wipe my tears away and suck in a breath, "He never touched me, but he hurt me. He was manipulative, he would make me cry and then he would start crying saying he was sorry and that he didn't mean to hurt my feelings. He would track my phone and would freak out if I didn't text him back in five minutes. He isolated me from my friends and family. I hardly ever talked to my Nonna."

His eyes followed me kindly, but his eyebrows were furrowed. I'm not sure if he was mad or confused, maybe both.

"Eventually as time passed he got worse, he would put me down. Tell me that without him I would never amount to anything. That no one would love me like he did, that everything he did was for my own good. That he was watching over me. I never told anyone, I just kept it in. It wasn't until one night that I was on the phone with my dad catching up, and he came home from work. He thought I was talking to a guy, all he heard was a man's voice. So he took my phone, cursed at my father, and threw my phone across the room. I was horrified. I really thought he was going to hurt me, so I left. I left that night, booked a hotel, finished my masters, I only had three weeks left anyways, and I came to Boston."

I felt relief, but now I was scared. I was scared of how Chris would react, what he would say. I didn't want him to think any less of me.

But instead he hugged me.

"Oh Olivia," he pulled me in and I sat on his lap. I cried again, hot tears rolling down my face. I felt my body shake, tremble from the tears, from the fear of him, from the pain I let myself hold in.

Chris littered my face with kiss and held on tight. He didn't say anything, he let me cry and sneeze. He didn't let go as I let myself finally unravel.

"Honey, how long ago was this?"

"Well I moved to Boston at the end of May... so almost nine months ago?"

"Oh Liv, I'm so sorry. I- I never would have guessed."

"It's okay, I just didn't know how to tell you, I didn't want any pity," I fidgeted with the buttons on his shirt.

"Liv, look at me," he placed his hand under my chin and guided my view up to his eyes. They looked soft, kind, nothing like his. "Olivia it is not pity, it is understanding. I didn't know this before and I do now. Now I understand you better, now I know how to better care for you. Olivia, babe? You know I'd never hurt you right?"

I nodded, "I know."

"I would never hurt you Olivia. I would never treat you any less than you deserve, and you deserve the world. You are the most amazing person I have ever met. And I am so thankful to have you in my life."