The Pseudocide of the Moon - Complete

Chris

"Are you sure you're ready? I mean you've been putting this off for a long time..."

"It's not even been four months. It's not been a long time."

"Okay, no yeah you're right. Obviously it takes time to grieve, but are you ready to share this with the world?"

"Well... My therapist thinks it's a good idea to talk about it more, and what better way to share it on national news," I try to laugh it off, but I'm honestly worried.

Tonight is my interview with Jimmy Fallon and although my publicist already reviewed the questions I'll be asked, just the thought of sharing something so intimate with the world scares me. And sure I trust Jimmy, Liv loved watching him, but I couldn't help to feel overwhelmed with the thoughts of the fans. Seeing how they drove her away scared me. I love my fans, and the kind support most of them gave me. But seeing how they treated Liv saddened me. I just hope people could show a little more compassion.

I was instructed not to disclose that Liv had passed, so we tried to direct the idea to her moving away, or something of the sort.

There was two hours left before the interview, and with the nerves I have I decided to go take a hot shower.

I take my time standing under the hot water. Liv always liked to shower in boiling hot water. I never understood why she liked the water so hot, but right now with my muscles tight, from the tension I've been holding on to, it feels great.

I let out a big sigh as I step out of the shower.

I've got dark circles under my eyes, and my cheekbones look much more defined from my weight fluctuating. Although I'd rather not wear makeup unless I'm on set I rather not go on TV looking like I haven't slept the past four months.

I rummage around my drawers until I find Liv's little bag of makeup. I dab on a little concealer under my eyes like I remember her doing until it doesn't look too bad.

I should probably get something in me so I don't throw up from the anxiety.

I grab a banana from the kitchen, and munch on some crackers.

Dodger is outside, so hopefully we don't have any squirrels run by while I'm in the interview.

I set my laptop up and take a breather.

"It's gonna be okay Chris, just take a breath, and concentrate on right now," I do one last deep breath and log in.

Another screen pops up and soon enough Jimmy comes on.

"Hey man! How you doing?"

"Hey Jimmy! I'm doing alright, and yourself?"

"Doing alright, keeping busy with the kids. So you ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be."

"Alright well just hang tight. When I come back we'll be live, okay?"

"I'll be here," I laugh.

His screen turns off and a few minutes later he pops back up.

"Alright everyone! Thank you for joining us tonight! We've got a very special guest, Chris Evans!"

I can hear a crowd cheering, and I smile.

"Hi everyone, thank you Jimmy for having me tonight."

"It's my pleasure. So how you doing? What have you been up to?"

"I'm doing alright, keeping busy you know. Walking Dodger and what not."

"There's only so much to do, am I right?"