The Pseudocide of the Moon - Complete

Chris

I've been coming to the gym everyday. And Donovan has been pushing my limits every time, but it seems to be helping. I can now dodge his swings, and hit him back, something I didn't think I would be able to do for a while.

And well... I still think about her every day. I don't think there's going to be anything that will stop me of thinking of her. And all the times I want to get drunk and throw a lamp at the wall I go for a run instead.

After nearly a month in Mom's house, Scott convinced me to leave. I know Mom doesn't mind having me, but Scott's right. She doesn't need her full grown son living with her.

The first week or so was really hard in the house. It suddenly felt too big without her, too quiet, too lonely. And of course she wasn't always over, but the realization that I couldn't just call her up, that I couldn't just FaceTime her was killing me. It made me want to get drunk and throw a lamp at the wall... So to say I was in great physical shape was an understatement.

My manager has been calling me these past weeks too, trying to get me to do an interview. He says news has spread but no one has seen me out, and people might think I'm depressed. And well they wouldn't be wrong, but apparently I'm not human and I should be able to move on.

I've been putting off the interview and I finally agreed to go on with Jimmy Falllon. I feel going on his show will be more than enough seeing how popular his show is...

"Hey do you want some of this or not?"

"What?"

"Do you want some of the pasta salad or not?"

"Oh sorry, yeah I'll take some."

Scarlett puts some in a plate for her and myself and sits on the other side of the island.

"Chris?"

"Mmm yeah?"

"Have you talked to anyone?"

"What do you mean?"

"About Olivia..."

"Oh yeah, I mean I've talked to Scott an-"

"No Chris, I mean have you talked to someone? Like a professional?"

"No..."

"Why?"

"I just haven't felt ready. I think I need to give myself some time."

"I call bs."

"What?"

"Chris," she pinches the bridge of her nose, "I don't- Why are you resisting going? You've gone to therapy before. This isn't anything new."

"I know, it's just I don't know. I feel like I have to process and-"

"You're scared."

"Please, no, I'm not-"

"You're scared if you really talk about it it'll become real."

"No, I know it's real, it's just- I feel like I'm not ready to talk about it."

"Chris, you're never gonna be ready. No one ever is. You just lost someone important to you, you need to release yourself from the emotions you're holding on to."

"But I've been going t-"

"Yeah I know you've been going to the gym, training, whatever, but that's not enough. You need to be able to grieve, to cry, to release what you have pent up. You need to talk to someone."

I sigh, she's right. She often is.

"I'm not trying to be smug, but you know I'm right."

"Yeah I know..."