Overwatch x Reader

Genji and Reader try to bang but they're dumb virgins

This is the only thing remotely close to smut you will ever read from this account.

Genji and Y/N have been dating for a while now, almost a year. They had wanted to take things slow in their relationship to the point that they kissed on their 9 month anniversary. One day, they were chilling on the couch watching Dragon Ball Z when Genji says:

"We should bang."

Y/N turned to face Genji's cyborg face, ultimately confused as to what this 'bang' was. "Do you want to shoot one another?"

Genji shook his head, "No- you know...Sex?"

"What does the number six have to do with our relationship, Genji?"

"It's not the number six, Y/N. It's something that's supposed to be done with someone you find attractive. I figured you would know what it is since you are attractive." Genji blushed shyly.

As hot as Y/N was, unfortunately this was their first relationship and they were just as clueless as Genji when it came to this intimate sounding ritual.

"Maybe we should look it up?"

"No, Hanzo told me he'd kill me if I looked it up. And he almost killed me so I really don't want to. I advise you do the same."

Y/N wasn't in the mood to be killed by Hanzo, for the matter of what this sex was made them want to live for a bit longer to figure it out.

"What could sex be that could be more intimate than kissing?" Y/N asked Genji, who just turned off the tv.

"I'll call up McCree. He might know what it is." Genji pulls out his phone and dials McCree's number.

"Wtf Genji it's one in the morning what do you want?" McCree's speech was slurred.

"What's sex?" Genji asked.

"Umm, it's when people bump their uglies together...Shouldn't you know thi-"

"BYE." Genji hung up on McCree and turned to Y/N. "Y/N what's the ugliest thing on your body?"

Y/N thought long and hard about this. "It would have to be the nose since that's where boogers come from."

Genji takes off his robot leg and reveals a nub of where his real leg used to be. "It's my left leg nub. I keep finding random quarters and lint in it. So... McCree told me we're supposed to bump uglies..." Genji starts to blush.

"I think this is going to hurt my nose." Y/N touches their nose as if they just got kicked there by a ghost.

"Nonsense, it always hurts the first time.... At least that's what I hear on Tv."

"So... shouldn't you know what to do if you've seen it on tv?"

"Hanzo skipped those parts." Genji said sadly. "Anyways, do I have your consent on doing the sex?"

Y/N was a bit nervous, but they wouldn't be joking if they didn't want to take their relationship up a notch. "Of course, Genji." They smile as they give him a peck on the lips. Y/N bends down on their knees as Genji sits down on the couch in front of them with his leg nub hovering close to Y/N's nose. Out of pure excitement, Genji lunges his leg nub into Y/N's nose and a cracking sound was heard on the impact. Y/N cries in pain.

"No one told me losing my virginity was going to hurt this bad!" Y/N screamed loud enough that their next door neighbors could hear. They begin to lower their head as they clutch their bloody nose in their hands.

"Y/N I think we just made an episode of Sex Sent Me to the Er, because I think I just broke your nose." Genji said as he began to panic. To think his first time could go so badly.

"NO SHIT HONEY, TAKE ME TO MERCY'S QUICK!"

*Timeskip to Mercy's aka the Med bay on base*

Genji burst through the door of the medical wing with Y/N in his arms, "MERCY I BROKE Y/N WHILE HAVING SEX!"

Mercy cringed at the thought of what the fuck this cyborg ninja dude had done in bed that fucked Y/N up so bad. "Oh god, what did you two do?" She guided the two to the examination table in her office.

"We had sex! That's what I told you!"

"How did you do it? The position I mean?" Mercy asked as she examined Y/N's bloody nose.

"We bumped the ugliest parts of our bodies together: my nose and his leg nub." Y/N spoke.

Mercy's eyes widened. "Damn I dodged a bullet.: She muttered under her breath before speaking up. "That's NOT WHAT BUMPING UGLIES MEAN! Did you two miss sex-ed class or something?"

"I never had a sex-ed class." Genji said, "And my dad actively hated me."

"I skipped." Y/N admitted.

Mercy pulled out her handy-dandy healing stick to heal Y/N's broken nose, "Then it looks like I'm gonna have to tell you two what sex is."

Baptiste shows up with a cup of joe in his hand, overhearing this odd conversation, "Mercy's teaching you two about sex?"

Genji nods.

"ITS WHEN YOU TWO SPIT IN A CUP AND IT CREATES A BABY!" Baptiste shouts and then runs off.

Mercy gasps, "BAPTISTE NO-"

Genji grabs a plastic cup and spits in it, "Y/N LET'S HAVE A BABY." Mercy then flings the cup into the air and it lands in the trash can.

"I THINK THE FUCK NOT. Besides, the actual thing is much grosser than that."

Mercy then went onto explaining what sex actually was. Y/N and Genji were grossed out and disappointed at the actual effort of it over the spitting in a cup idea. They both decided not to hate it or dwell on it and just go back to their home and sleep.

The end