Just One Look

The Sum of It

“Mom!” I yelled into the void of home.

“Kitchen.” She yelled back, I walked in and threw my bag on the counter. My voice was already cracking before I even started to speak.

“I saw Dad on the job today.” My mothers eyebrows rose, and she looked at me. “He was beating up this old man. Mom, I thought he was a good cop! He’s not a good cop Mom! That old man didn't do anything to him, Dad took the first swing. I saw it.”

“I know, Catrina. But maybe, it was because-”

“You knew? You know that he’s not a good cop! What’s happening? Does he work for the mob?”

“No, not that I know of. You’re Dad is a good man, but when he was younger he got into some trouble with Maroney. So he started working with him, he says that he’s out of it now.”

“What if he’s not?” I asked, she stopped and thought about what I said. On cue the bad cop walked in the door. We both turned towards him and he froze. I crossed my arms and started impatiently tapping my foot. “An explanation would be nice.”

“Yes, I still work for the Maroney.” He started, “Yes, I am a bad cop. Yes, I lied. But that was only to protect you.” I felt as if a brick was dropped on my chest.

“How could you?” I said, grabbing my bag and disappearing up the stairs. I slammed my door and leaned against it. How could he? Why? Did it really matter? Was that man my father? Was I being irrational? Why is this happening to me? Why me? There was a knock at my door, my Dad walked inside without my permission and closed the door behind me.

“I’m not a bad man, Cat. I just couldn't get out of Maroney’s grasp by the time I had a wife and kids.”

“But- why didn't you ever tell me?”

“To protect you, and Dean. If you two knew about what I’ve been doing. You would be in bigger danger than you were if you didnt know.”

“Dad, I just can't believe that you would ever do such a thing.”

“I was young, and I was desperate, I needed money and I had no one else to turn to. The bank wouldn't give me a loan, and you were on the way. Your Mom and I were young and I was thinking that I could work my way out of the Maroneys grasp, but one thing led to another and he has too many things on me, and he says that I’m still not worked off.” He paused, and rubbed my back.

“Dad, I’m not saying that I don't love you. I’m just saying that I’m disappointed.”

“If I didn't do what I did, there wouldn't be Dean, and you and your mother would be living in a house with mold, rats, spiders and a shit ton of gang action going around that you both would probably be dead.” He said, “I know that life isnt the greatest right now, and you are battling with society for a place, but please don't think of be badly because of what I have to do so my family doesn't get killed.” He said, leaning in to kiss the top of my head. We hugged each other, and he went back downstairs. Before he left my room he turned and smiled, he looked at me with pride. “I love you, Catrina. Just remember that.”

“I know Dad, I know.” The door shut with a soft click, I heard his footsteps walk down the hall, down the steps and I heard he and my Mom talking. I poked my head out of my door to eavesdrop.

“Tonight? We can't tell her tonight? That wouldn't be fair. Cassidy,”

“Mike, when are we going to tell her?”

“Not tonight, she’ll be crushed.” I stepped out into the hallway.

“When are we going to tell her? When she catches us in the bedroom ready to tear each others throats out?”