39. Flaws and Theories

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-Luke-

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-Luke-


When Troy left, and the door closed behind him, the room around me seemed to go darker. My parents stopped talking, and I could hear a pair of footsteps sneaking closer to me. Then I saw my mom's reflection appearing in the window in front of me.

"So that was Troy?" she asked calmly, but I knew she was just trying to hide her excitement. "He seems like a nice lad."

"That's Troy all right," I muttered and turned my back on her.

"Is he gay too?" Mom popped the question I dreaded the most.

"I... It's... It's complicated," I spoke and headed to the stairs, but my mom just didn't take the hint, and followed me.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean...!" I turned around in anger but managed to snap my mouth shut so I wouldn't start yelling at her. I took a deep breath, calming down, before I continued. "He doesn't know, all right? It's complicated."

"Oh, okay dear," mom said quietly. "The dinner is ready if you're hungry."

She turned her back on me and started walking down. She hated it when I raised my voice. I didn't want to snap at her like that. I couldn't stand myself when I lost my control like that.

"Mom..."

"Go wash your hands," she said without listening, and I stopped following her.

It was another flaw in me, to get angry without any good reason. My shrink kept insisting that most of my problems existed because I couldn't sleep. I wished he was right, but I couldn't help but wonder that maybe I was being punished. Maybe I was something so evil that God himself was torturing me. He certainly never wanted me to be born. He had done His best to prevent that, but He had failed.

I shook my head to get rid of those thoughts.

"Yeah – let's start with that shit again," I muttered to myself sarcastically, and turned around to climb up to the second floor. The second I placed my injured leg on the next step, a jolt of pain flashed through my knee, like reminding me why I shouldn't take that road again.

It all ended so fucking well last time.


*****


After dinner, I did my homework and cleaned my room, trying to ignore the headache I had while putting the video games back on the shelf. Bella was, as usual, trying her best to get my attention, and when licking my hands and whining miserably didn't work, she took her ball and started throwing it around, hitting me a couple of times with it.

"Fine, fine..." I chuckled when she rolled on her back, looking crazy with her big ears flat on the ground and wagging her tail. "Want to go..." I had a small pause, and she froze still, "...out?"

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