46. Tap Dancer

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-Luke-

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-Luke-


It was... tormenting. I enjoyed every second of our date, but I couldn't relax. I wanted to believe everything was going well, but I couldn't just switch off the voices of doubt in my head. It was so hard to let my guard down. I was willing to sacrifice everything, the mental health I had left, and more importantly, my heart, to have that one chance, but I was never that lucky. I felt like a man who was willingly walking forward on his path, even though he knew it was leading him straight to hell. Just to have that one moment.

"I meant it. It is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me," Troy spoke all of a sudden, and I could see the gates of hell a little bit closer.

"Oh?" I asked, and I couldn't stop myself from smiling. "The Xbox thing or that slightly embarrassing stuff?"

"The latter, and it wasn't embarrassing," he said. "It was really sweet."

I didn't know what to say. He let out a silent chuckle, but he didn't continue speaking. We were right back in that awkward silence that seemed to dominate our time together.

"I was..." I began speaking, but I snapped my mouth shut. He didn't need to hear about it. I didn't want to look even more pathetic in his eyes than I already did.

"What?" he asked, and stopped me.

I was thinking fast about something else to say.

"I was... I was going to ask you if we should go get something to drink," I ended up saying.

"Yeah, sure," he said and pointed towards the cafeteria. "I could eat something too, so let's take a break."

"Okay," I said, and I realized I was actually getting hungry.

"And while we eat, you can tell me what you really wanted to say," he smirked.

I sighed. "It was nothing," I muttered.

"Why do I have the feeling you're dying to tell me," he said with a serious expression on his face. "Dude – I think I just realized something."

"What?" I asked and started walking towards the cafeteria.

"I put you through a lot," he spoke slowly. "I was horrible to you, and yet, you said that I'm your sunshine."

"You weren't horrible to me," I told him. "You were just confused, and I get that. You are worth the wait."

He stopped me again and turned me to face him. "That's exactly my point. You act like I'm the best thing that has ever happened to you, so I can't help but wonder how bad things have been for you."

I stared him in the eyes for a moment, but then forced myself to look away.

"I can see a lot of pain in you," he said. "Is it all because of me?"

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