LEMONADE 2||

Chapter 38: Sorrows

One Week Later

Ricky felt deep sorrows just about everything apart of him wanted to continue to drink himself to death but he simply couldn't time was ticking. He thought he was where he wanted to be in his life but after Grant getting shot he's realized that all he's ever done is live his life trying to satisfy his father, protect himself from his father, live in his father's shadows, prove his father wrong and have surface-level relationships with women. Who was he truly living for? He thought he changed for the better and had a better understanding of his own life but he didn't.

"Baby you so tense," she said massaging his back. Kehlani X Serial Lover played in the background.

"Yeah," Ricky said. She rolled her eyes mushing his head as she got off him. "What the fuck is up with you? Michelle said getting off the bed. Michelle was one of his old hoes from years ago that flew to New York to kick it with him. "I'm good," he said getting off the bed. "No you're not this is my second time coming in town and we haven't fucked. You don't want to talk about shit like what's the problem? She asked.

"I don't have a problem... it just a lot going on right now," he said putting on a shirt. She stood there pissed off in her lingerie. Michelle was ready to go to pound town she hasn't had sex with him in a long time and she missed how he made her body feel. "You know what fuck you, Ricky all you ever do is use women up until you can't make use of them anymore, you're an opportunist, moody, indecisive, and inconsiderate as hell" she scoffed.

"Use? Is that what I do with you? Everything has always been consensual we've always been friends with benefits if you want more I can't help you with that" he said.

"NIGGA PIPE DOWN, IF I REALLY WANTED YOU I WOULD'VE HAD YOU. PERIOD. IT DONT TAKE MUCH TO BAG YOU" she spat.

"Michelle now you're talking reckless look I don't want to argue with another woman in my life. I'm good" he said

"Yeah you are good,.... good at wasting people's time," she said

"You're really stressed out over some dick, I'm sorry if I'm not in the mood anymore damn," he said. She chuckled placing her hand on her waist. "Please don't tell me you in your feelings about that same broad from years ago that you're indecisive about," she said

"What that got to do with you? He asked. "Okay I'm out she turned around grabbing her bags. "I'm sorry, I'm just chillin" he said. She turned around "Get your shit together Ricky damn, play with your mother but not with me.... I can't believe I let you waste my time for the second time, flew all the way from Miami to Newyork" she stormed off grabbing her things. "Let me at least pay for your travels," he said. "NIGGA FUCK YOU, YOU CONFUSED WHORE" she slammed the door. "Damn why I gotta be all of that? He asked opening the door. "BYE," she yelled putting up the middle finger. "Fucking freak" he mumbled closing the door

Ricky sucked his teeth walking back to the couch. His sex drive has been non-existent ever since he and Josie fell out and that's been over a month. He looked over at his bottle of Henny knocking it in the trash can. He turned on his tv to get the weather. He scrolled through the channels stopping at Josie front in center doing an interview with Sister TV. She looked amazing in her white suit he kind of felt jealous. Here she was finally following her dreams and he couldn't even be a part of it, hell he didn't even fulfill the dreams he thought he had. Ricky felt like he was having an identity crisis flipping to the next channel. Again there was Josie front in center on reruns of Project Runway. "A whole damn superstar," he said grabbing his phone. He debated on calling her. He was tired of the back and forth with Josie. If he looked at another woman he would scream he was tired of it all he just wants her then he thought of their last words that morning of Christmas Eve.