A world of my own - MINSUNG

Part 2 - Lee Know

When I was ten, my father died. He was hit by a truck.

I didn't know much about it, of course, it was always discussed as 'the thing that happened to Lee Song Jae' but because of it we moved around a lot and my mother always seemed constantly on edge. She would look behind her whenever we were in public and startle if someone came into a room she was in without knocking. Whichever school I went to, the teachers would immediately know of my situation and treat me special no matter what, and I thought it was just because I was special and not because 'daddy's gone away for a little while and he will be back' like I was always told. 

The students crowned me as a popular kid. Our distant family constantly sent over food packages and clothes. Life was golden and better still because my dad wasn't around. I never got on with him very well.

People might ask me if I regret feeling good about my father not being there after I learnt the truth of what happened to him, but if I was answering honestly, that answer would be no.

-

At Jeo Chan comprehensive it didn't come as any surprise to me that girls were still falling at my feet and boys watched on enviously or latched to me like leeches. I only had three close friends - Kim Seungmin, Seo Changbin, and Christopher Bang, kind of the leader of our small group. The reason I made friends with them and not anybody else is because I realised they opted to be my friend because they actually liked me, not because I was handsome or popular or whatever.

There was one boy in our homeroom class I was interested in from the very beginning - Han Jisung, who was known as 'the quokka' by everyone because he looked kind of like a squirrel. I was only interested in him at first because he was one of the only students who didn't seem interested in me. Not at all. He only had a few friends too - the Australian transfer student Lee Felix, Hwang Hyunjin and his nerdy best friend Yang Jeongin.  

Then my interest changed.

I started to notice different things about the quokka. When he didn't come to class, I wondered where he was. When he looked tired or sick, I worried about him. And when that nerdy friend of his looked a bit too clingy I would feel hot all over and I knew I was jealous.

So, I started to grow feelings for him.

Of course I didn't tell the other boys. Jisung was a dude and I'm straight. I have a girlfriend for fuck's sake. Also, he wasn't exactly popular. There was no way anyone was going to find out I had developed a crush on a small squirrel boy.

One night when my asthma was particularly bad and Ma was abroad again for 'business' and I really couldn't stand being alone, I did something so ridiculously stupid, the only possible explanation for it must have been that my blood was laced with alcohol.

I called the quokka. I was out of breath and my chest was squeezing. I told him to come to my house. I kissed him.

As soon as I realized what I'd done I pulled away from him. His flushed, incredulous face was just so pretty I knew that if he didn't leave then and there I was literally going to fuck him so I told him to get lost. His hurt face ripped my heart to shreds. Of course he didn't like me. I must have been crazy; why did I call him here??

As soon as I was sure he had cycled off I sank down the wall onto the floor and yelled until my throat felt like it had ripped.