A world of my own - MINSUNG

Part 18 - Jisung

The rain started soft and grew heavy in a matter of a few seconds. Jevian and I broke apart, blinking in the thick downpour of sudden rain. His hair was wet and my heart thumped with how nervous I felt being so close to him.

He laughed. "I can't believe it started raining so suddenly." He took off his own wet jumper and put it around my shoulders. "You'll catch a cold so wear this, even if it is wet."

I didn't say anything. To be honest I was feeling kind of disoriented. What just happened? Did Jevian just kiss me? Why did I kiss him back?
He looked at me closely. "Jisung? What's wrong?"

He really did seem different. Not shy anymore at all. I couldn't see even a single trace of the boy I kissed by a lake while there was a gentle breeze. I shook my head. "Nothing." I should bring up what just happened. I should have.
But I didn't.

Jevian offered to walk me home but I refused, insisting I was fine by myself. He seemed reluctant to leave me to the point that I had to practically push him. After he was gone I lay in the grass and waited for Minho.

I wished that hadn't just happened, because now I was going to feel awkward with Minho when he turned up. I also felt guilty because I hadn't immediately pulled away from Jevian and as if the kiss had been my fault.

I hadn't meant to kiss him back. I just got lost in the moment and for a minute, I imagined it was Minho wrapped in my arms. I felt my own self slip away from me.

I looked around the park, wondering where Minho could be and why it was taking him so long. Then a flash of something red caught my eye; a ribbon. For some reason I felt unnerved seeing it there. I walked over to the other side of the park.

There was a teddy bear lying in the dress, with the ribbon wrapped around its neck, holding a red card shaped like a heart. I felt a sudden sense of foreboding as I opened the card. There were eight words written in a familiar handwriting on the card -

Go to the prom with me, Han Jisung?

The clawing in my heart intensified as the teddy bear smiled in my hand.

-

"Jisung, you haven't even touched your food."
I looked up at my mother who was looking at me worriedly. "What's wrong, baby? Pasta is your favourite."

"I'm not hungry," I mumbled. Actually, I was telling the truth; I wasn't hungry. I felt sick.
Mom came next to me and rubbed my back gently. She had a way of making me feel better whenever I felt like shit. And now I felt like shit intensified. "It's OK, Sungie. If you made a mistake, I know you can sort it out. You're my boy, after all."

I leaned into her familiar scent of vanilla and lemons, the smell of her body wash. Whenever I smelled lemons or vanilla I would instantly be reminded of that body wash and my mother. She'd been using it probably since I was born. "I made a really big mistake, Mom," I whispered, feeling the tears build up behind my eyes. "I don't know what to do."

She looked me in the eyes. "Yes you do. You just need some time to think about it." Her hand stopped and rested on my shoulder. "Just don't hurt yourself, OK?"

I wasn't worried about hurting myself. I deserved to be hurt. It was Minho I was worried about.

I had taken the teddy bear home but I didn't really know what to do with it. Some small, hopeful part of my brain insisted that maybe he hadn't actually seen Jevian and I, maybe he had been called to some emergency. But I knew deep down that wasn't it. He's seen. And now he was going to break up with me.

As I walked into school the next day I felt as if everyone's eyes were on me and I couldn't understand why. Did everyone know I had kissed Jevian yesterday? It was a mistake, I wanted to shout. Then I realized they were looking at me because I was going out with Lee Minho at all.

"Hi, Jisung," said somebody from behind me. I turned around to see Chaeryoung, Minho's ex-girlfriend.

Shit, I thought. I didn't really know the full story about how Minho and she separated, but with a guy like Minho, I was almost certain he had dumped her. Now she was coming for revenge.

"Jisung?" she repeated as I hadn't replied.

"Uh, yeah?" I said.

"I heard you're going out with Minho hyung now."

Crap here it comes.

"Yeah, about that I-"

"I never knew he was gay."

"What?" I said.

"I mean, I knew he was a bit different than all the other guys I dated, but not in that way," she said thoughtfully.

"So you don't mind that we're-"

"What? No, of course I don't mind. I'm the one who broke up with him. I just wanted to say..."

She made a scrunchy face at me. "Like, don't take anything that the bitch Kim says to heart. She's just jealous, she used to be like that with me too when Minho hyung and I were going out. The girl will just say whatever, but don't be bothered by it."

"Oh," I said. I was surprised because I hadn't thought Chaeryoung had broken up with Minho. "Thanks. Yeah, I found her a bit annoying too. But right now she's the least of my problems." I sighed. "I don't think Minho even likes me anymore because I did something so stupid, I would hate myself too. I just hope he finds someone better for himself."

"What the-? Listen, I much rather prefer you to be with Minho than someone like that cow Kim, but if you're going to be a wimp like this, it makes you seem a lot more unattractive." She folded her arms across her chest.

"Who are you calling a wimp???" I was not pleased.

"You! If you did something bad, don't sit here self-pitying, get your ass to Minho and make it up to him."

Dang, this girl was scary.

"Um... OK. I'll try to make it up to him," I said, mainly to stop her glaring at me.

"Hmmm... the prom is tomorrow, isn't it?" She chewed her lip. "I have an idea."