A world of my own - MINSUNG

Part 9 - Lee Know

"What are you staring at him for? Just go and talk to him," said Chris.

I jumped and blushed. "What do you mean, I'm not staring at anyone," I said defensively.

He smirked. "Sure you're not."

I gave him a dirty look. As well as being the leader of the group Chris was also the most clever and I can't say I didn't have my suspicions that he was going to be the first to realise how I felt about Jisung. Once or twice I caught him looking at my thoughtfully when my gaze would stray to Jisung and even though I wanted to ask him about it, I didn't. However, I was glad that at least someone knew. I was sick of pretending to be in love with Chaeryoung still, of pretending to not be in love with Jisung, of pretending to be straight.

I got up and walked over to Jisung. He stopped talking to his friends as I approached and looked at me. Everyone was staring. "What do you want?" he said curtly.

The harshness of his tone took me by surprise straightaway. I faltered with my words. "I- I was gonna ask if you want to-"

"If I want to what?" he cut in impatiently.

"Go to the prom with me," I blurted out.

Or, I wanted to blurt out.

Instead, I pulled out the money from my jeans pocket and thrust the crumpled bills at him. "Here's for your shift yesterday," I said, matching the hardness in my voice to his.

He looked at me disdainfully. "I don't need it. I went back to complete my shift after I left."

"Jeongyeon told me she let you go home," I said fiercely.

Everyone was silent now, listening.

"I still don't need your dirty money," he sneered. "You might like to throw it around, but it's still precious to some people. I don't want it."

I felt a dull flush slowly creep up my neck. Without another word, I walked away, leaving the bills on the table.

"Take it with you!" he called after me, but I ignored him.

Chan gently put on his hand on my shoulder; I was shaking with anger. "It's OK if it didn't work this time. you still have to try again."

I sighed. How many times will I have to try.

-

I spotted Jisung, unusually alone, and I felt compelled to walk over. He stopped when he saw me coming. "What do you want?" he said, his voice was still unfriendly and I felt myself crumble a little.

I didn't know what to say. I had really thought we were getting to be a bit closer after yesterday, but I must have imagined it. He stood there waiting for me to speak.
"Why did you say that yesterday?"

"Why did I say what?" he asked.

I mumbled out my words. "You said... you said you would fall in love with me."

For a minute he didn't say a word and I let my hopes lift up. Then he said "Oh that? I'm sorry if you misunderstood but that was a mistake. I didn't mean to say that you." He sighed and rolled his eyes slightly. "I have feelings for someone else. I'm not... you know, gay."

His face went a little pink.

I couldn't reply. My throat felt constricted and like there was a sharp piece of glass stuck there. The feeling of pressure was building up again; I felt inside my pockets for my inhaler. It wasn't there. It must be inside my bag.

Quickly I turned and started to walk away, my chest starting to feel tight, just about holding a heart that was broken.