The White in her Black

Chapter 7

"Let's go home, please..." marahan niyang bulong sa akin nang muling tumulo ang mga luha ko.

I feel like she's showing kindness because she can't bear seeing me like this. I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for acting so weak towards someone who I even barely know.

The only thing that I'm sure of, I like her. And I never really liked anyone before. I don't have an ex or anything. I have ex-flings, if that's even a thing... but I never really thought of being serious at such situations that I had to commit.

"I... can go home." Putol at kalmado kong sabi. Ako na lang mag isa. Ayaw ko ng nararamdaman ko. Ayaw ko nito. Ayaw kong mabaliw. I saw how my friend, Iris, went crazy over her ex and I don't want to go to that process.

Agad kong inilayo ang katawan ko nang gumalaw ang braso niya para haplusin ako. Napaangat ang tingin ko sa kanya nang higitin niya ako papalapit mula sa aking likuran nang sinubukan kong mas lalong lumayo.

"Stay seated." It was a demand with authority. I feel like she'd be mad if I won't obey what she want. "I'll take you home." Mariin niyang sabi.

"Ayaw ko." Mariin kong tanggi. Ayaw ko. Ayaw ko talaga.

"Why?" She tried to grab my chin but I was just so stubborn so she didn't push what she wanted to happen.

"Ayaw ko nito. Ayaw ko sayo." Mahina kong sabi. Enough for her to hear.

"Why though," may himig ng pag hanga doon sa sinabi niya kaya naman napalingon ako.

Inirapan ko siya bago bumulong. "Ngiti ngiti pa,"

"Tss," umirap siya, sakto kasabay ng pag angat ko ng tingin sa kanya. "Ikaw nga may hahalikan kang babae kanina." Laban niya sa binibigay kong attitude.

I just don't get why we're talking about this. Aren't we supposed to separate ways and forget that we know each other?

"Come with me, I'll introduce you to my cousins." She smiled slightly before gently touching my arm.

"Cousins?" Unti-unti, naging malinaw sa akin.

"Yeah, you saw me with Aubrey." She looked like she was unsure with what she was saying.

"She's your cousin?" Naguguluhan kong sabi.

"Yeah?" Patanong niyang sagot. "You don't like her?" Naguguluhan niyang dagdag.

"Uh..."

"We can just go home. I'll take you home."

Mula sa nalaman ko, agad na gumuho ang tampo at kung anong nararamdaman ko kanina. Nahihiya ako sa mga inasta ko dahil hindi naman pala tama ang mga iniisip ko.

"Let's go home, it's getting late." Marahan niyang sabi. "Sa akin tayo uuwi..." malambing na dagdag niya.

Hindi ko alam kung alin ang mas mahirap paniwalaan. Is it the fact that I'm talking to someone who has an icon cousin... or the fact that I like her and she's making me feel like she likes me too.

"Ayaw ko..." natatakot kong sabi.

I'm scared. I want to let go of these fantasies. Noong nakaraan lamang, noong iniwan niya ako sa unit ko, I thought she was just a weird fantasy that I dreamt of. I thought she was just hallucinations. I thought I was going crazy. I had to ask Criza that time if she saw someone with me on my unit and she only addressed Catherine as my girlfriend.

Kung hindi dahil kay Criza, talagang iisipin kong nababaliw na ako. Muntik na akong bumalik sa pamilya ko dahil sa kaisipan na nahihibang na ako.

"Let us figure things out together. Please, go home with me... I'm going crazy." Mahina niyang sinabi 'yon. Enough for me to hear.