The White in her Black

Chapter 18

News came when I was alone sitting on our sofa. I just finished drinking a bottle of beer.

"Dela Cruz Agricultural Firm is hitting rock bottom. A member from the company allegedly took stocks from the board members by hiring people on the financial team."

Tuloy-tuloy na pumasok sa utak ko ang nasa balita. Ang buong sistema ko, nilalamon na ng mga kaganapan.

I know my Dad too damn well. Hindi siya gagawa ng hindi maganda. I need to look through this and make a plan. Walang mangyayari kung tutulala ako dito para maghintay sa mga susunod na mangyayari.

I can't help but blame my Mom partly about what happened. If only she's at home with us. If only I was awake to be with my Dad. If I was a responsible daughter... His only request was to spend his last dinner with his family. But all I did was to sleep.

I immediately blocked Catherine when my Mom confirmed what happened. Dinaluhan niya ako sa sofa at agad na binalitaan tungkol sa cremation ni Daddy.

"I hope you will stay strong, hija. Your Dad did that for you." Malambing niyang sabi na agad nagpakulo ng dugo ko.

"Mom, you pressure him too much! It's not just for me. He probably did that because he doesn't want to disappoint you!" Mariin kong sabi habang ang boses ko ay unti unting lumalakas.

"Don't you dare say that to me! Inalagaan ka namin at pinakain dito. Kami ang bumuhay sayo kaya wala kang karapatan na sagot sagutin ako. If you don't want to be with me, then leave! Leave me alone just like what your father did!"

My mother has always been this harsh. She's hard on herself but I can't take it anymore. I'm tired of taking all the blame. I'm tired of everything.

Payapa akong lumalangoy sa pool namin nang agad akong napabalikwas dahil sa pagdating ni Mommy. Ilang linggo na ang nakalilipas simula noong nangyari ang kay Daddy.

Usap-usapan ngayon mula sa ilan kong mga pinsan na may nakakakita raw kay Mommy na may kasamang ibang lalaki.

Hindi na kami nag usap pa ni Mommy simula noong huling beses na nagkasagutan kami. My Mom is not into apologizing. Palagi akong nagpapakumbaba pero noong araw na 'yon, punong puno na ako.

I didn't believe what they were saying. Ilang linggo pa lang ang nakakalipas at mag dadalawang buwan pa lang kung tutuusin.

My Mom won't do such thing. She's not kind but she's my Mom. She loves my Dad...

Dahan dahan akong umahon nang makumpirma na may kasama nga talaga si Mommy ngayon.

"Oh, she's at her room." My mother said in response to what the man mentioned.

Hindi ko sila masyadong rinig pero hindi ko na intintindi pa 'yon. Lumapit ako sa aking roba at tuluyang lumakad nang walang nililikhang ingay.

"You can bring your daughters here. Madison always wanted to have sisters..."

Unti-unting naglaho ang ingay mula sa pag uusap nila nang dahan dahan ako maka akyat.

Agad kong kinuha ang isang bag at nilagyan ng ilang pirasong damit. I can't believe my mother. I saw it on my own eyes.

I don't want sisters from other people. I was fine living alone with them. I liked how our family lives. I used to love my life. But not anymore.

Kinagabihan, dumiretso na ako palabas matapos mag book ng taxi. I had to leave my phone for safety. I will travel by land and sea. Kailangan kong malito ang kung sino mang magsusubok na sundan at hanapin ako. Wearing my Dad's black jacket, I decided to heave a sigh before going out.