Yuletide

CHAPTER 36 & 37

Chapter 36

Kyran's POV

Lub dub! Lub dub! Lub dub!

I don't know what's happening with my heart nor do I want to know what's suddenly going on in me because for the first time in like a while, I feel something other than anger and malice. I feel scared and I feel some strange warmth grow inside me.

And I felt something prick my heart when I heard the heart wrenching sobs that Elixir produced when he ordered me out of his room. I have never felt anything like it.

"Are you alright, your highness?" One of the council, Ylmir asked and I looked at his direction, shaking my head.

"I am fine. It's probably the stress from the wedding preparations." I responded and that seemed to perk up the other's attention as their curious gazes befall upon me. I just gave them an opening, damn it.

"Your highness, if we are allowed to ask, have you been seeing this Halfling lover of yours for some time now?" Thyme, an avariel asked, shifting towards me. Of course their questions would come barging in since I have given them a chance to pry and because this is a discussion over the changes that will happen after I get married.

"Yes. We have been seeing each other for a while." I swiftly lied and paid more attention to the papers in front of me that I need to seal.

"That is probably why you are so adamant in denying the marriage offers we have bought up for discussion." Hivyen, the head of the council said with a chuckle.

"You simply wanted me to marry your daughter, Lord Hivyen."I said without looking up but I am sure he's embarrassed since the whole table went silent for a bit.

"Since you have a lover and a soon to be queen in the nearest future your highness, should we expect heirs by the next cycle?" Wyvern, a rather young and intelligent greyhawk elf asked making me look up and smirk.

"We'll see about that." I said.

I can't tell them that the person I'm marrying is already pregnant and those are yes, heirs in any aspect but they are not mine.

I do have a problem with our arrangement. While I do not feel something towards Elixir—okay I do feel something for him and I am not saying it's love because trust me, it's not. I feel like I am already regretting my decisions of punishing him. Sometime around midnight just the other day, I have the time to think about things after a long day of work. One thing suddenly came to my mind.

Yes, I am hurt and the pain is still deep in my heart for my brother's death. He did not deserve to die—and yes, that is very true.

And also, something keeps tugging my heartstrings ever since I saw Elixir. Before we found him, I was so adamant on getting him punished, tortured even. But then when I saw him, I felt like my resolve have been shaken and when I found out he is pregnant—my whole resolve shattered and I have immediately discarded the idea of hurting him physically so I opt with hurting him emotionally.

But lately I have come to a realization, this isn't really just Elixir's fault.

I don't know why I have been so narrow-minded. It isn't my characteristic to blame someone. A huge amount of other factors have driven my twin to do it—I am not happy for what he did but he is mine and the whole realm's hero. In fact, he told me to take care of his lover as his dying wish and I had done nothing but hurt Elixir.

Guilt.

Yes, add that to the warmth and fright I have been feeling lately. I don't know but I feel like I haven't been with this emotions for long. I should apologize for acting like an asshole. Damn I have a lot to apologize for.