A court of shadow and spying (Azriel X OC)

the real party starts

The smell of decay and scum penetrated my nose. The well known and old hated smell of the Hewn City. I took a deep breath of air and was aware of where I was now.
The aura, the atmosphere, everything screamed to me that something bad was about to happen. I recognized the people around me, they were jostling each other, they were talking in fast, low voices, afraid someone would listen to them. They lived in fear, they had already seen a lot, experienced a lot.

But who had not in this city?

The character of a city, my father had once explained to me,
always depends on the people who live there. The city becomes a bad one only when people let their vile and evil sides come to light.

This city had been lost for a long time. Nothing about it was even kind or beautiful. All I saw was horror and fear. Of oppression, of pain, of everything.

Of the monsters that lived here. And if you didn't become one yourself, you wouldn't survive. Not here. And I realized that I, too, had partially become a monster. One that dwelled deep inside me, one that saw everything here and thought it was normal, that thought I had to submit, to let myself be abused and raped, because it was the way of things, because I was a woman, because I had no power. I was just an object, something that had to be used to show them the way, to get them back on track, and they were nothing more than empty, black shells of themselves. I almost became such a shell too. That was until Nesta pulled me out of that hole. And I realized that I would be eternally grateful to her for that. Because when I saw how these women lived here, it was an example of horror in person. Because no woman would want to come here and stay here. Constant fear and angst were the companions of each, because at every corner something lurked. And no one, absolutely no one would come to your aid, because that's how things were treated here. You didn't fight back, you didn't help, you just accepted it.

Morrigan and I were standing in front of one of the not so well-known entrance gates of Hewn City. We didn't want anyone to draw unnecessary attention to us, so we had decided to take the quieter entrances that many of the residents didn't know about. I knew that it would only take about three minutes from this gate before I and Azriel's spies were standing in front of the Jackell - bar.
I swallowed down the burgeoning fear and took a breath to calm myself. I would be fine, besides the whole inner circle believed in me, I couldn't just abandon them like that, not after all they had already done for me. So, I turned to Morrigan, squeezed her hand briefly, a gesture that meant far more to me than it now seemed. I gave her a nod, turned and was about to enter the front gate, but
'Wait!', Mor shouted and threw herself into my arms.
'We all believe in you, but surely you already know that. Well, despite that, I wish you good luck. And if you need anything, you know we are never far away', she said to me and then let go of me.
It had been encouraging to hear that they believed in me, that they had put so much trust in me that they were now putting so much on the line with me. I smiled weakly at them and walked through the gate.
The hungry looks that followed me were not much different than usual. One of Azriel's spies, disguised as a messenger, took me to the Jackell bar. I had already counted the minutes, soon we would be there.
23 seconds
we rounded the bend
22 seconds
We walked down the long, cold corridor.
21 seconds
At the end of the corridor light penetrated to the floor
20 seconds
I saw the Jackell bar in front of me
19 seconds
We walked straight towards it
18 seconds
No more interruptions, nothing that could stop me now. And soon I was standing in front of it. In front of the notorious Jackell Bar, one that every woman feared, one that knew no kindness, only violence and ruthlessness. Nothing would be good here, here I would only find the monsters I had tried to stay away from.
And look at how that worked out, my conscience said, look at where you are now.
But when the doors to the back entrance opened and a woman let me in, I knew that all my abilities would probably either save my life today, or ruin it.
And unconsciously, as I usually did, I went on autopilot. I walked through the door, chin up, shoulders tightened, knowing what I had to present, knowing what I could offer, and I would put it on display like that today. My thoughts hummed, but they told me nothing, they were silent and yet excited, but they did not upset me. The woman who had let me in was now following me, telling me details about my performance, when and where, and for how long.
Mrs. Kathlen, she introduced herself, the owner of the women, the prostitutes here in the bar. I didn't even ask how the inner circle had managed to get me in here, maybe I didn't want to.
I just accepted it, listened to her. Because there were no questions asked here. My face was expressionless, my emotions cold, and yet I walked with amazing ease and precision through the bar, past the humiliated women, past the bruises on their faces, and past the others who had perhaps seen worse than I had. Because if I decided to give my feelings free rein here, the whole thing would go down the drain. Or maybe it already did.
Mrs. Kathlen directed me to a nearby chair where I could rest for a moment, prepare myself, or simply sort out my churning thoughts. Well, none of that happened, because I just sat there watching, pricking up my ears, looking for every bit of information I could pick up, after all that was why I was here.
The back room was crammed with women and their clothes, with the belongings and memorials to which they prayed. But it would do no good. Some women stared into space as I had once done, I knew they were lost, all hope was gone, they had accepted their miserable lives here, couldn't help it. For otherwise they would not be able to continue living here. Tables decorated the room, with big mirrors here and there, it looked like a brothel.
Actually, that's what it is, I told myself.
Nothing more than that. And nothing less.
'Annabell Hestings. You're next.'

And that was my cue. Absurd, funny name, but it would probably have to go like that.
I got up from my chair and took in my surroundings once again. There were so many women here, so many people who had sacrificed so much, it was a shame. And I was in the middle of it.
And there was nothing I could do about it. I looked at myself in the mirror one last time and put on my mischievous grin, the one I had always used to attract customers back then. My back was straight, shoulders taut, chin tucked. All I had on was my white lingerie and the white satin coat, but I would probably only take this off on stage. I straightened my wig, took a deep breath, and let my face take on someone else's. I gave my other side full power, I gave her all the control I had left, and she took it. Because I knew if I tried to assert the real me here, I would be dead. I would be described as boring and stupid, the scum that didn't even deserve to stand here, everything I stood for, everything I fought for, I simply locked it deep inside me.
And as I made my way onto the stage and the men began to howl and jeer, I let my true monster out.