A court of shadow and spying (Azriel X OC)

a new shining light

The next days were unspectacular. I mostly lay in bed and let my wounds heal, mostly Morrigan, Nesta or Feyre came to visit to keep me up to date, or just to keep me company.
I hardly saw Azriel, he was too busy with his spies and the tasks Rhys gave him. Sometimes we talked fleetingly about our connection, but these conversations usually died down quickly, as Azriel had to concentrate on his missions.
The gala, we had learned, would take place in three days and Helion and Thesan had been warned briefly to keep their eyes open, they would learn more on the spot.
I would also go to the gala, but I could not prepare myself further than lying in my bed and recovering. Nevertheless, I skimmed Ashbury's notes from time to time, perhaps they would reveal something else to me. But even I had to admit that I hardly found anything. Only a few recipients of the information, but these were already monitored by us, so it did not really bring anything.
It was already late in the evening when I was still lying in my bed and reading a book. It had become so quiet in the city, peaceful, as it swayed in the night and the stars twinkled. Actually, it should have been a beautiful night.
And yet I flinched violently when I felt something like pain. But it was not mine. And I realized shortly after that it came from Azriel.
He had been gone for three days, sent out on a mission by our High Lord, and I hadn't heard from him since. Still, I could feel that he had been alive and well, if only because it had told me of our connection. But now, once again that pain jerked up and I became uneasy.
I passed over his shield, but he would not let me in.
Az? Azriel, where are you? What's wrong?
I almost begged, but he did not hear me. A deep concern spread in my heart and I became afraid. Afraid for him. I didn't want anything to happen to him, I didn't want him to put himself in constant danger. But it was his job.
Despite that, I was tense as a feather, hoping for any new sign from him as I continued to drive gingerly along his shield, hoping to find a gap.
And then it came again. Pain so hot and glaring that I had to suppress a scream for a moment before I was in front of his shield, scratching at it and hoping he would let me get to him.
AZ! Azriel what's going on? Let me- let me get to you, I- Please. Please.

But nothing happened. Yet I knew I had to do something, anything. I wriggled out of my sheets and ran across my room toward Rhysand's. I knew he wasn't asleep yet. I could hear Feyre still downstairs talking to Morrigan.
Bursting through the door into the High Lord's room like that was probably rude, but I didn't mind as another pain ran through me.
I hissed out and had to hold onto the doorknob for a moment.
'Jenna, what's wrong?'
Rhysand was already standing in front of me, his eyes full of concern as he eyed me.
I shook my head.
'It's not me', I managed to say.
'It's Az-' I gasped, holding my side.
'He- I don't know, he's in pain, he won't let me in I-'

I was so helpless, all I wanted to do was help him, but I couldn't even do that. Tears of despair welled up in my eyes as I looked up at Rhysand.
'I - what, what am I supposed to do?'
'It's okay, Jenna, it's okay. We'll take care of him. I'm going to sent Cassian out. We're going to find him. Just try again.'

I nodded, dazed. My vision was blurred by the tears that weren't falling. I was panicked, incredibly panicked. I knew how he was, but he wouldn't let me get through to him, there was nothing I could do for him. But I had to. I knew something had happened to him, knew how he felt.
And I was just incredibly scared for him.
Please, Az, please let me see you.
It was like a snivelling whisper, a final plea.
And it seemed to work. He opened his wall of shadows, just a crack, but enough to let me in. I sighed in relief and went to my knees.
Where the hell are you, I turned on him. Now I was furious. How could he push me off him for so long, only to let me in now, in the nick of time. Despite the pain he was in, my temper seemed to amuse him.
Tell me.
Near the wall, in Spring Court.

'He's in Spring Court, near the wall', I murmured to Rhysand before turning my attention back to Azriel.
What happened? What are you doing there, anyway?
I'm spying.
I rolled my eyes and sent my annoyance to him.
It's okay. I was supposed to keep an eye on Tamlin for Rhysand. And there were a few, well, riots.
 Fear was brewing inside me. Azriel against another high lord? The twinge in my chest grew stronger, the irrepressible worry that he wouldn't come home in one piece was just so great.
Everything is going to be fine Jen. I'll be fine.
Don't say that, I hissed at him. I had felt his pain very well and still felt it now, even if it was slowly fading.
Cassian will come to you. He will help you, I said.
I heard him sigh, but he seemed happy about it. I could tell he was exhausted and in pain. He could might as well hide it but his emotions along pur connection told me otherwise.

I know, I can see him already. Don't worry Jen, I'll be right there.
I exhaled and opened my eyes. And Rhysand was kneeling in front of me. His eyes sparkled with concern but also with something else.
'He's fine, Cassian is with him now', I said, nodding as if to convince myself that all was well again and Azriel would arrive home, to me, safely.
Rhysand smiled slightly before pulling me into a hug. I didn't realize how much I needed one. The fear that something might happen to Azriel, and there was nothing I could have done but witness it, threw up a whole other depth of despair in me. I had never felt such great fear before.
'Thank you', I murmured to Rhysand. He seemed to understand, I guess, that I meant it not only for the hug, but for everything else as well.
I broke away from him and looked at him again with gratitude.
Rhysand eyed me intently for a moment and somehow, I knew what he was about to ask.
'You have an idea what this means, don't you?'
I ran my tongue over my lower lip before nodding. And when I looked up at him again, I had to smile.
'Yes', I admitted. Quietly, tentatively, but I knew what that connection meant. And somehow it made me all jittery just to think that someone like Azriel, a handsome, incredibly strong and leader-caring fighter like him, could be my mate.
And I would give anything for him, really anything, just for him to accept this bond between us.
Because I knew in that moment that all I wanted, all I would ever need, was Azriel. Because that was all I needed in this barren, cold world. A single look from him made me melt, a single touch and I was devoted to him, a single smile and I would be at his feet.
 Ever since that connection was there, I had suspected it. And I hadn't been one hundred percent sure, but I wanted it to be true. I felt myself wanting it to be true more than anything else in this world.
Because he was just amazing. He took me by surprise every time and he would do it again and again, but I would accept it with open arms.
And if that meant I had to convince Azriel of me, then I would damn well do it.
Because he was my mate, and for him I would do anything.
And that's why I repeated it.
'Yes', I said more firmly, a new burning light in my eyes that seemed to light up the world.
'Yes, I know what it means.'
And then Rhysand began to smile too.