A court of shadow and spying (Azriel X OC)

the breaking point

The crash and echo of debris and screams rang through the sparsely lit corridor and I watched the rescuer disappear into the darkness, sword drawn and silently walking, prepared to attack. I didn't even know his name. I didn't know who he was, where he lived, if he had any relatives or people he loved. All this he agreed to, a small sacrifice for what he embodied, a big one though, for the people who would mourn him. A lump formed in my throat and I felt that I wanted to do more than just help him. If I had really been the hope of these people, wasn't I letting them down right now, now when they needed me and the High Lord's support the most? Weren't these people down here, in a sense, my people too? People who turned against Keir, people who hoped for more, for a better world, for a city where people didn't fear all the time, where children could play in the streets with other friends without feeling guilty or afraid? Weren't these the people who embodied my state of affairs?
So why the hell was I still standing here, rooted to the ground, doing nothing to help them? Didn't do anything, didn't move and didn't contact my High Lord who could have defused the situation?
The next explosion echoed through the corridor and the floor shook as debris and ash rained down around us, clouding my vision, bathing everything in a grey haze. Screams rang in my ears and I didn't know what I could do to make it stop. My hands were shaking slightly, I clenched them so no one would notice, not even myself. I couldn't weaken, not now with so much duty weighing on me. I had to do something, anything.
Az was suddenly behind me, his hand on my lower back as he gently, yet sternly and hurriedly pushed me forward so that I moved. My feet were moving, but I didn't know which way they were carrying me or if they were dodging the explosions and the fighting. I looked back at the junction where the rescuer had disappeared. The tunnel had almost completely collapsed. So, he had been able to assess the situation well when he said that no one would get out of here alive. His words echoed through my head, his quiet, strong, tense voice shouting at me to hurry. I should do what had to be done to get the information so that it didn't fall into the wrong hands. And I was sure it had to be worth it if he threw himself to his death to get it. My pace quickened and soon Azriel and I were walking on silent feet through dark corridors, all around the explosions and entrances to the rebels' walls. I didn't know why Az knew his way around here so well and let him take the lead; nipping at his heels, trying to blend in with the shadows. However, the silent screams made me flinch at times, it wasn't something I was used to, but Az didn't seem to notice. He seemed oblivious to the misery and horror behind these walls, something I could not do. I was hyper aware that every step I took, every moment we wasted, was important for the future of these people. A soft pressure pressed my shoulder down and my head went blank, silent and I didn't know what to do with myself, only that I had Azriel to follow and he would take me to the room where our most important information would lie. A key to the future. After a while Azriel stopped and raised his hand, a sign to stop and keep quiet, at least for me.
I noticed how he too was tense and his hand was constantly by his sword or dagger. We had to be ready to act if this plan didn't work. When we finally rounded the corner, we were faced with a dead end, which seemed pointless to me at first, especially since we were trying to get the most important information for our High Lord and not get caught in the process, and Azriel also said that he knew his way around here, but I dismissed these thoughts again when Azriel approached one of the mud and brick walls and executed a certain pattern on them.

It looked like complete nonsense to me, but I just kept an eye on the surroundings and tried not to be too nervous and let the distant screams and shrill echoes of debris upset me. It was easy to stick to Azriel after all he seemed to know exactly what he was doing and it brought me back to the train of thought that had brought me to the end of the conversation with the Saviour. Why had I been the person they had chosen for this mission? Why did they seem to think I could stop Keir and all his followers if I joined the rebels? I couldn't elaborate on these thoughts, however, because Azriel tugged gently on our binding and I turned to him, seeing that he had successfully conjured a door and thus a path out of nowhere. I raised my eyebrow in appreciation, but was too tense to make any clever comment. Azriel beckoned me to him and disappeared into the corridor, always in a tense position and that took me into inner turmoil too. When I entered the corridor, I shuddered a little, for it was cold and musty, as any of these secret passages were, and yet I thought I had been prepared for the wetness and the smell. I guess that was proof that books couldn't teach you everything. With silent soles I followed Azriel through the passage and it was slow going as we had to see if we had to watch out for traps. It was easier said than done and when we finally came to one end of the corridor, a warm dim light gleamed through the bricks of the door that barred the passage. I fervently hoped that we were not too late and that the information the rebels were fighting so hard for had not yet fallen into the hands of those who needed to be fought. At least the room seemed quiet, a sign that there was no activity and we needn't worry about intruders, but we had to be sure, because I wasn't sure of anything about Keir's soldiers. Azriel stood in front of me, already sending his shadows across the room ahead of us, and it wasn't long before he signalled me to come forward to him. He looked tense, yet I knew enough about him that I could now relax. His shadows had found nothing and so far, that was a good sign. Azriel's tension was due to the fact that we were in such a situation. On the one hand, I blamed it on myself, after all, I had been the one to follow the saviour, the one who was supposed to lead us here. But that was no longer possible now. I was afraid that if I listened too closely, remembered and perceived this environment too closely, allowed every noise inside me to make it so that I wouldn't last 5 minutes here. I knew Azriel felt the same way, but he seemed to be used to it already, through the years he had spent in the war and the years of spying. I didn't know if one could ever get used to the sounds of battle, but for me it would take quite a while. Maybe I would never get used to it either. But for now, we were safe and Azriel was by my side and I felt better having him with me. I knew I could rely on him and he could rely on me.
'We'll have to see how we open the door. I'm sure it can only be opened from the inside, yet there's a chance of pushing it open', Azriel whispered to me. We stood side by side, pressed together in the small sparsely lit tunnel and I felt warm. Azriel towered over me by a head, but he too had to crouch, his wings were retracted and he had one arm braced against the wall opposite so that I was trapped between his body, the wall and his arm. I was all too aware of how much I wished for a different situation now, but we had neither the time nor space to fall into anything else now. Despite that, he affected me, as he always did, and I didn't mind when he pressed against me briefly and planted a promising kiss on my lips.
'Be careful, don't touch anything that isn't important and be quiet', he whispered authoritatively in my ear and a shiver ran hot and cold down my spine at the same time.
'Just stay with me and everything will be all right.' His deep tenor soothed me and his shadows enveloped us as he looked down at me. His deep brown eyes shimmered slightly golden in the dim light and his breathing quietened as he kept his eyes on mine.
'It's going to be okay', he murmured before leaning down u me and kissing me passionately. I didn't know why he was doing this, but I didn't resist. But I also had the uneasy feeling, should something happen to us, or to him, that it might have been some kind of goodbye kiss. The thought made me dizzy and a sinking feeling prepared itself in my stomach. Surely, he hadn't meant it that way, after all, he was Azriel, the one Illyrian who had defeated everyone. And we still had the advantage. No one seemed to know we were here, and that was good. No one would expect us, reckon with us, and that's exactly what we would take advantage of. It would be a quick in and out, an ease for a spy like Azriel. And maybe an ease for me, too. As he moved away from me, I reached for his hand, drawing his attention back to me.
'This isn't goodbye', I said softly, looking at him sincerely, 'it's nothing we can't handle. As long as we are together...'
'As long as we are together', he repeated and nodded before closing his hand around mine and squeezing it. I smiled at this small gesture because it was him, I needed, it was him who kept me alive and I would do anything for him just to keep him safe. And I knew he saw it the same way for me.
'So', I said with a nod towards the door, let's see how we can break in here.
It wasn't long before I found a loose stone in the door, which opened it. It was a mechanism that, if you found the right stone in the door, made the door open and close. First Azriel slipped into the room and secured it. He felt one could never be too safe, and he wanted to test the room conspicuously. By all appearances, this did not seem to be the case, for he returned after a few seconds and with a nod invited me to step into the small room. It was what one would imagine a normal study room to be like. There were bookshelves everywhere crammed with books and maps and drawings, and small lamps lit the room as if one had left in a hurry, which might have been the case since the rebel raid had come quite unsuspectingly. On the floor was a map of Hewn City, studded with crosses in places that didn't yet make sense to me. Candles were on the map to weigh it down and shed more light on it. Notes were scattered on the floor and one of the bookshelves was just bursting with old writings. A small table with a chair was in the right quarter of the room. There wasn't much else to see, the room was full and small, yet it was cosy with a small fireplace next to the door from which we had appeared. I glanced briefly over at Azriel, but he was already engrossed in the files and drawings he had spread out in front of him. But I looked back again at the map lying on the floor. I no longer knew what the crosses were for, but it was on the tip of my tongue. Either they were the places where the rebels were gathering or the places where Keir was staying. There were too many to narrow them down to one region of Hewn City, yet they were arranged, it seemed to me, in a pattern. I crouched down to look at the map more closely and ran my hand along the crosses. They were laid out like a kind of star, different points all heading towards one. But the centre point, where all the crosses came together diagonally, was missing. I didn't know why it puzzled me so much, but I had seen this pattern before and was sure that a star was missing in the middle, one that united everything together. I let go of the map for the time being and looked in one of the book shelves for further clues, always watching the time, the danger that someone could burst in and notice us. We had barricaded the small wooden door that normally led in here, but only a miracle would prevent the door from flying off its hinges after three blows. Azriel also seemed to want to act faster and that made the situation even more tense. We were sure that the fighting was still going on because now we were above the fray.
The rescuer said we were on the second floor, most likely in the building or facility they had built here to be safe from Keir's warriors. The screams from downstairs rushed up again and I flinched away from them. I knew I shouldn't be distracted and yet this whole situation made me shaky and afraid. Still, I knew what I was here for and who those people down there were fighting for. For both of us, to create time and strength so that the work that the rebels had worked on after months, maybe even years, would not perish.