A court of shadow and spying (Azriel X OC)

a dark hole

After my consent, he hoisted me out of bed and I could not suppress the painful whimpering. He had cracked open the locks and now I saw that the two soldiers were sedated with arrows to the neck.
'It won't last long, especially with him, so we have to be quick.'
'Do you know why he can move so fast?', I asked quietly, my voice hoarse from the screaming I had behind me.
'No, but I'm working on figuring it out.'
Again, I wondered who this young man actually was. But now was not the time for questions. I clung to his neck, the coat wrapped tightly around me, hiding the red welts that adorned my backside. I was still trembling, the shock was still too deep in my limbs together with the pain, which surged again with every movement of his.
'Soon you will be out of here. Can someone come and get you?', he asked anxiously, looking down at my pain-ravaged face.
'I don't know, I think so. What time is it?'
'Early morning, around five, I guess.'
So, I had been under Keir's claws for more or less than five hours. But I knew that the inner circle was usually up very early to train. I knew Mor would not come for me until the afternoon, but I could try to reach Azriel. Maybe he would be back by now and would be awake as well.
'Give me a moment', I murmured softly and closed my eyes. I trusted the stranger to get us out of here, apparently, he seemed to know his way around Hewn City splendidly and I was glad to know that he was using corridors that no one knew and where there was little bustle. Almost no one looked up at us, those that did saw a young man, a woman in arms and they certainly thought nothing more than that we just wanted to get to our room quickly.
My hard-earned wall of stones began to loosen slightly and I reached out my strings for Azriel's presence. I tugged gently on our connection and was more than relieved that he answered almost immediately.
Jenna, where are you?
His concern brought me close to tears again, it was so nice to feel him and know he was there.
Where are you now? Are you in the townhouse? I asked urgently, we would hardly have time to escape if the stranger thought the soldiers would wake up soon.
Yes, I- why, what's wrong?
Go to Mor, tell her she must come for me, now.
The urgency in my voice made him sit up and I knew he was following up on my request.
Jenna, what's going on, where are you?
God, I had missed his voice in my head. I was so grateful to him that he kept talking, it distracted me from the indescribable pain that jolted me when the stranger even shifted from one foot to the other.
'Where are we going?', I asked him. I needed to know where to send Mor.
'We're almost at a secret exit that leads out of Hewn City. We'll come out by the river Esta.' I nodded to him and gave Azriel the data where Mor should come.
The Hewn City? Are you crazy? Azriel thundered through our connection and I knew I deserved all the anger that awaited me in the next few hours.
What the hell happened Jenna? Are you okay?
I hesitated with my answer and I felt Azriel's concern and desperation rise.
Az- if Mor comes for me right now we can talk about it. Just send her over,yes?, we don't have time to waste.
We? Who the hell is we?
I didn't answer him and opened my eyes again.
'My friend will come. But you will have to leave before she gets there.'
'Why?' I felt his questioning look, but I looked straight ahead and saw the light at the end of the tunnel. I wasn't going to tell him that I was working with the inner circle and I didn't trust him.
'I don't trust you', I said. 'Even though you saved me and I am grateful to you, I don't know who you are or why you did it. It could get you killed', I said, clinging to him tighter as we ran down a small hill.
'That makes sense. But despite that, I think we're on the same page', he muttered, making sure no one was around before setting me down on my feet. My trembling was still there, as was the pain, but adrenaline was pumping through me. For a moment I clung to his shirt before slowly releasing him and standing on my shaky legs. He pointed to the river, not ten meters away from me.
'I have to go now; your friend has to come right away if you don't want to follow the trail.'
I nodded and looked over to the bank. The light shimmered for a moment before a figure emerged. Her blond hair blew in the wind and before I could turn to thank the stranger, he was gone, like the wind. My gaze searched the area for him, but I did not find him.
'Jenna. What's wrong?'
Morrigan. She was here. And I had escaped Keir once again.
'We have to go', I said, and slipped my hand into hers. 'Questions will come later, get us out of here.'
Mor nodded and as we parted with the wind, I saw a figure at the edge of the cliff winking at me. I fervently hoped that one day I could thank this stranger for saving my life.
When we emerged at the townhouse, I was dizzy and my feet threatened to be pulled out from under me. A slippery hand was in mine and nausea rose in me. With a jerk, I snatched my hand from Mor and limped as fast as I could to the nearest restroom. Bile burned in my throat and I vomited the rest of the food that was still in me into the toilet in front of me. Before my eyes, everything blurred from the pain that ran through each of my limbs, from the fear that sat inside me processing what had just happened. Someone lifted my hair out of my face and stroked it back as I puked the life out of me. When I was done, I wiped my mouth with a shaking hand and rested my forehead on the edge of the toilet. A hand passed over my face and I hissed as the memories came flooding back, tied to the bed, Keir behind me, whipped, humiliated, broken. His laughter echoed through my body before I could push the memories away, but I felt a presence in my mind. Fear spread through me as I looked up at Rhysand standing before me with the rest of the inner circle. His eyes were wide. For heaven's sake he had seen it, he had seen it all.
'Get out of my head', I whispered at him, tears welling up in my eyes as he looked through the memories, pointing them out to me and making me relive them.
'Get out', I yelled at him, sobbing desperately. He shouldn't see this, hell, no one should. I felt him leave my thoughts and kneel down in front of me.
'Go out and Feyre go get Madja.' Everyone stayed where they were, waiting and looking at me worriedly.
'I said out', Rhysand repeated and the authority in his voice made everyone, even Azriel, leave the room and soon I was alone with my High Lord. I lowered my head in shame, I couldn't look into his eyes if he had seen all that.
'Why did you do that?', he asked softly, his voice reflecting despair.
'I can't help it. I have to.'
'You don't have to do anything Jenna. Why do you go to him, why do you need the information from him yourself?'
So, he hadn't seen everything after all. I swallowed hard, tears burning in my eye sockets, and I knew I would have to tell him. The one secret I had never told anyone because it made me sick.
'Because I made a bargain with him, Rhysand.'
And I couldn't fight it. And I couldn't stop the tears when they started to flow and when they wouldn't stop because I had never told anyone, had always had to carry that burden on my shoulders.
Rhysand gently brought his hands to my clothed shoulders and pulled me gently to his chest. Desperately I clung to him, shaken by pain and sorrow and the hopelessness that had been building inside me for some time.
'I will never be free of him', I sobbed, pressing my face to his chest while his arms were around my shoulders, going no lower because of my injuries.
'We'll find a way; I promise you Jenna.'
For a moment I believed him and was grateful that he was taking a burden off my shoulders. But deep down I knew it would be nearly impossible to get Keir to break this contract.
'We'll work it out Jenna, everything will be fine', Rhysand said, stroking my hair back. 'I'm going to take you to your room now Jenna, Madja is there and will take care of you, okay? Can you stand, come.'
He helped me up and was going to the door, but I held him back.
'I can't-not now-I don't want that they-'
I pointed helplessly down at myself, just in a ragged coat, naked underneath, hurt. My face red and weeping. I couldn't let them see me like this.
Rhysand nodded and came toward me.
'No one here is judging you, Jenna.', he said before grabbing my shoulder and taking us to my room.
Madja was already waiting for us and I limped towards my bed.
'What are you going to tell the others?', I asked Rhysand who was still in the room.
'Nothing. It's up to you to tell them.' I nodded and let the coat fall from my body. Rhysand had already seen it anyway, so why should I hide it. Still, I heard Madja gasp and Rhysand hissed out as well. I lay down on the bed and buried my face in one of the soft pillows.
'This is going to hurt, my child', Majda said quietly as she sat down on the bed with me. I just nodded, but what was worse than what I had just suffered?
'Start', I murmured together and closed my eyes. Rhysand disappeared from the room and Madja began. Her hands were rough and a scar stretched across her palm. I didn't know why I was so grateful for it, but I felt more comfortable under her hands now that I knew they weren't cold and smooth like Keir's.
'Nothing popped or tore, child, that's good, but I need to heal a few places before I have to put ointment on them.' I nodded again and let her do her job. When she was done healing, the ointment came. I squinted as she rubbed it on my welts and clenched my fists as sobs of pain escaped me, but Madja worked quickly and effectively so I didn't have to suffer long.
'It will heal, girl', she said as she rubbed the tears from my face.
'You will have to rub the ointment in every day, perhaps someone had better help you. But you will get better. I promise you that.'
'Thank you', I breathed to her and she nodded seriously.
'You will have to live with it, child. And it won't be easy to get over it. But you can do it, girl. You have to.'
We both knew she wasn't talking about the external wounds. I knew she had glimpsed the emptiness, the darkness, the hole I fell into and it was hard to even muster the will to get out.
'You can return to your true self, but only if you want to.'
After that she was gone and I disappeared into a sleep that I hoped would not bring me dreams.

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Of course, I was wrong. I woke up, it was late afternoon, but Keir's laughter echoed in my ears, the crack of the whip thundering on my body. I ran a trembling hand through my sweaty hair. I desperately needed a bath. But the wave of pain that hit me when I just briefly bent my leg was piercing and for a moment my breath caught.
Jenna? ,hesitantly, quietly. Azriel didn't know if I wanted to talk to him, and yet I needed him more than ever. Would he judge me on the calluses that were already showing a little bluer on my body? I couldn't imagine it. I knew how hard it had been for him to show me his scars, so I would show him mine.
Can you come here?, I asked quietly through our connection, not knowing what to expect.
Of course. His answer was immediate and quick, he wanted to be with me and see me.
But-
What?
I- I don't want you-, desperation mixed in with my feelings. Since when had I become so insecure about Azriel and me?
I'm not going to shrink away from your wounds or be disgusted by them. We all have wounds and they all need to heal. I want to come to you Jenna, I need to see you. Can I come to you?
Yes, I whispered over our connection and within seconds the shadows in front of my bed thickened and Azriel appeared. His face was concerned, but as his eyes passed over my body, I felt the iciness of the shadow singer as his shadows became as black as night and I felt the room cool down a few degrees. I tried to sit up, but pain made me flinch and I closed my eyes for a moment to let it die out.
'Help me', I said to him and when I opened my eyes again, he was in front of me. His hands so gentle on my skin and I felt relaxed under his hands, the first time since I had returned from Hewn City.
I sighed as his hands made contact with my waist, but Azriel quickly took them away, concern in his gaze.
'Did I hurt-'
'No', I said out loud, 'no, please, I need your hands on me.'
Without them I felt insecure, strangely hollow and wrong. Azriel nodded and gently wrapped his hands around my waist before quickly turning me around and pulling me up off the bed so I wouldn't have to sit. My naked body was pressed against his, but I could never have felt more comfortable. I felt his rough scarred hands on my hips, they held me and I pressed myself against Azriel, against his protection and security, it was so good that he was here.  His wings wrapped around us and I exhaled shakily.
'Who is doing this to you Jenna?' The hopelessness in his voice made it difficult for me not to confess everything right here, but I could only do it once, and everyone had to hear it.
'Help me take a bath and then we'll go down to the others, please. I can't tell it twice, i-' 
Azriel gave me another worried look and I put a hand to his cheek.
'I need you now Az, don't go away. I need you more than ever', I murmured, pressing myself against him again as I felt a lump in my throat, and tears burning in my eyes.
'We're going to get this done Jenna, I promise you.' He took my face in his hands and wiped away the fresh tears that had flowed.
'I will always be there for you. Call me, speak my name and I am with you. Whisper it and I am with you. Scream it, use it, laugh it, Jenna. I'll always be with you', he said, pressing me tighter against him, knowing my own legs couldn't hold me anymore.
'Moan it', he whispered in my ear and I had to smile as he looked up. He leaned down and put his mouth on mine. A kiss that promised unity. He was gentle and soft, seductive at the same time and I sighed into him, that was what put me back together, heaven he was the one who could save me from the hole into which the fall was so close. He gave me his promise, he would be with me forever if I only wished it and I wrapped my arms around him.
'You will always be my everything', he whispered against my lips as we broke away.
I felt a small tattoo forming around my ring finger, a black ring of ink, a promise that was sacred to us. I raised my hand to examine it, and I warmed to the thought that Azriel and I had agreed to be there for each other forever. And maybe there was more to it than that. Azriel intertwined his hand with mine, thus also showing his tattoo, the same one, also on the ring finger, like the promise of a married couple. I had to smile at the thought.
'Come', Azriel said and brought my hand to his mouth before gently kissing the tattoo.
He lifted me up all at once so the pain would be quick, but it still hurt like hell. The throbbing was still sly, but I was glad Azriel was here to share the pain with me. I just buried my face in his neck while he ran a bath and took care of the rest. I felt how comfortable he was taking care of me. How he enjoyed taking care of me and checking on me and I was just grateful to be able to call someone like Azriel the one I loved. Someone to whom I was completely devoted and with whom my home was. For he was my home and he would always remain so for me, even if he might be averse to the words I would soon have to speak.
Yet here we were now, two lovers who found themselves in a world too cruel for them both, but who still managed to make the love between them seem stronger than the dreary world around them.
Because they were everything to each other and they would shine even when the sun had set, they would shine and everyone would lean towards them.
Because when they were together the shadows shone like the sun and everything else was forgotten.