Angel (Damiano David & Victoria De Angelis)

Chapter 14

That same night, she was woken up by what seemed like someone struggling to breathe, mixed with sobbing and retching. It took her a second to get oriented but as soon as she was at least partly conscious, she was immediately alarmed. "Damiano...Angel, where are you?", she asked, trying to see anything in the dark. No answer, nothing. She was struggling to find her way, though she was too hectic to even try to properly look for the light switch. She stumbled a few times, trying to avoid running into walls...she just followed the crying and the occasional retching and coughing. Finally, after what seemed like hours, she reached what she made out to be the bathroom. Her eyes had kinda gotten used to the dark by now, so she could already see what was going on...that actually made her terrified of turning the light on but she knew she had to.

He was covered in blood and vomit. He was wet from all the sweat and tears and he was clearly struggling with some sort of panic attack or at least something similar to it. "Fuck...", she exclaimed and immediately rushed to his side, grabbing a towel on her way. "Baby...baby, can you hear me?", she asked but he was completely zoned out, staring at his bleeding wrist while still struggling to breathe. "Please...please, baby...I know you're struggling but I can't manage this alone...please...I need you to talk to me.", she begged, her voice cracking as she began to press the towel onto his arm. The pain of seeing him like that was almost unbearable and she felt like she was about to break down herself. He didn't react whatsoever, more and more tears running down his cheeks as he was desperately gasping for air. She couldn't hold back either, feeling extreme pain in her chest and throat from the tears she was trying to stop from coming out. "I need you to help me, Damiano...I would die for you but I can't do this alone...I'm trying, I really am but I can't. I need you to talk to me...to...I don't know...just to show me that what I'm doing is right.", she choked up, hot tears now streaming down her cheeks, getting more and more when she once again didn't get any reaction. She was still pressing the towel against his arms but her grip got weaker...she was scared and exhausted...not physically but mentally. But she wouldn't stop taking care of him...not even if that meant giving up everything else in her life. She would give her life just to see him genuinely happy again...at least for a few days in a row. She let go of his arm, hugging her knees to comfort herself. She hated being so weak but she needed to calm herself down first in order to be able to deal with his breakdown.

She was clutching the fabric of her hoodie in her hands, hiding her face in the sleeves. She hadn't noticed how much all of this was actually exhausting her...it was tearing her apart. "V-vic...", his voice was choked up. He sounded weak and out of breath...desperate and anxious...panicky and sad, all at once but at least he was saying something. She looked up, her vision blurry from the tears: "I...I'm sorry, baby...I...I'm here...don't...don't worry." She crawled towards him, pulling him into her arms. She didn't care that she got herself dirty by doing that. He immediately clung to her like a scared child, hiding his face in her shoulder. She did the same, just letting her tears out. "I'm so sorry, Angel...I am so sorry...", she whispered, referring to the fact that she couldn't help him as much as he deserved. She didn't say it out loud but he seemed to understand: "You...you're doing everything you c-can. I'm sorry for hurting you, over and...and over again. You deserve better..." "No...no, that's not true. You are all I ever wanted in my life. All I want is for you to be happy...to see you smile and be able to enjoy your life because that is what you deserve. If I could turn back time and change anything about the past few months, I wouldn't. I would go through all of this over and over again because the possibility of seeing you happy again is totally worth it. Don't you ever think that you are a burden to me, Angel...okay? Because you are not. You're mine, and I am proud of that. I am proud of your scars, proud of your way of dealing with everything. I'm proud of who you are with all the tiny flaws and imperfections, because that's what makes us who we are...that's what makes us human. And there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.", her tears were still coming but she felt so much lighter after having said all of that. He was shaking even more now, the sobs getting louder as well: "How...how can you still find joy in this? How are you not disgusted? Nobody believes me...nobody ever will and...and sometimes when I...when I read their comments...I...I get the feeling that...that they are right. I...I mean what if...what if she didn't rape me? What...what if I am actually just overreacting because I am scared of s-sex?" She shook her head, caressing his back through the fabric of his shirt: "Listen to me, Angel. You are scared of sex for a reason. She hurt you...she used sex as a punishment, a threat and as a way of degrading and abusing you. That is the reason behind your fear...and that's absolutely natural. You aren't afraid because of nothing. Fear almost always comes from a past experience or something unknown. For you it is both. It is a past experience because of the rape and of course, it's something unknown because you have never had the chance to experience sex how it is supposed to be...especially because the first time she raped you, she also took your experience of a beautiful first time away from you. But in my eyes you are still a virgin because you can't lose your virginity through rape. And just so you know, it's absolutely okay if you want it to stay that way...sex is not important to me at all."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Hey ;)

Sorry for my absence...next week the updates will still be a bit irregular because of my summer job but I promise the week after that I will be more active again :)

So, what do you think of this chapter? Is her opinion about being a virgin after being raped right? Do you think she will be able to continue like this? Let me know in the comments.

Thanks for reading,

- Thalia