The End of Summer

- Three

Adisyn Kay Wise / 2 years ago

The light blue sky mixing along with the rays of sun makes a beautiful color scheme. Mixtures of blues, peaches, pinks, combine all in the sky it's center point being the bright illuminate summer sun reaching towards the sky. The way it's going up from the ocean kind of makes it look as if the ocean was hiding the sun all night long?

Clouds form in the way of the sun mixing in with the colors. The sun is still its usual bright orange and yellow but the clouds are kind of covering the sunrise..? It's making it look beautiful? The sun is still shining but it's shining beneath all of the clouds and somehow it still makes it way to me. I can still vibrantly see it piercing through the cloud with its bright orange.. just like every other morning? These are the times I'm thankful my insomnia decides to control me. These are the times I'm thankful I cannot sleep so I take a stroll around the beach to calm myself down and just think.

Think about everything.

The ocean evens out the pressure I have on me? Just the way the waves come to shore and settle down is beautiful, peaceful and in a way chaotic. In a way the beach carries my heart and in another way the beach kills me? Just like my parents! They put so much pressure on their daughter for her to succeed and are surprised when she cries over to smallest mistake on her life. I don't know how to feel about them or even if I should tell my dad how I'm feeling? He texted me last week to let me know his son was asking for me; Liam. I had completely forgotten I hadn't answered his texts nor his calls so he probably got worried and asked my dad, my step sibling cares more about me than my other siblings? Shocker.

You see I'm not even stressed about my family when I'm in the ocean! Yes, I may be fucking pissed to a point I want to go to Boston and argue with them but I'm not stressed nor am I crying? The ocean is being the ocean and just how it's swishing away the seashells it's moving my problems away, if only it were like this every other day. Watching the sunrise in the beach while laying down and the water tickling my toes.. It's a nice morning. I don't know what I will be doing today but I do know that I want this morning to be for me. Just me. No one else.

I look down at the blue picnic blanket that I'm sitting in, the ends are now a darker blue from the water getting it wet. It's a nice morning, not minding the cold water it's a nice morning. There's a light breeze but the sun, all though it just rise it's still bringing a good amount of heat. You see, summer is a love and hate season for me?

I hate the amount of heat it brings, I hate fainting from heat exhaustion, I hate feeling like I'm going to melt, I hate hearing kids cry and scream, I hate hearing kids having tantrums. I also hate the amount of couples I see and as stupid that may sound I hate it. I never got to have that, never got to have a summer romance and now everyone has a beautiful partner and a healthy relationship. I envy them, in a good way of course and I don't wish any harm on them but I hate feeling lonely? Really petty of me to be complaining about not having a real summer romance when every time I back myself away from relationships.

If we count all of my relationships together they add up to a year? The longest relationship I've been in is 6 months, I think that's fair? Almost half a year, it's okay. Who even said I needed a partner, it's stupid because I'm an independent women who doesn't need anyone. I don't need a Prince Charming or a Cinderella in my life, I need me. You can't love someone unless you love yourself first, I can't go out looking for love when I absolutely hate myself? If I want a serious relationship I should love myself first, I should love what I do etc... So I just need myself.

It's barely 5 in the morning meaning there isn't much people around and if there is they're teens walking with friends or couples taking pictures. I think there's going to be a wedding this afternoon, there's people running back and forth with flowers and white table cloths etc... My guess is the color is the typical red burgundy and the white? Red means romance to a lot of people, it means love. Roses are red so my guess is that's why it means love and I won't lie, I would love to be given flowers but not roses. Everyone gives their partners roses and roses aren't my favorite flowers; I would enjoy be given daisies and possibly sunflowers? Maybe even lilies? I still believe red roses are romantic but everyone gives their partner red roses? I want something different.