𝙳𝚎𝚊𝚛, 𝙻𝚊𝚠𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎

𝙳𝚎𝚊𝚛, 𝙻𝚊𝚠𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎 ; 𝟸𝟻 ; 𝙷𝚞𝚛𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝙷𝚒𝚖

𝙳𝚎𝚊𝚛, 𝙻𝚊𝚠𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎 ; 𝟸𝟻 ; 𝙷𝚞𝚛𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝙷𝚒𝚖

𝙸𝙸𝙸𝙸𝙸

Dear, Lawrence

I've done nothing. I'm still useless. All I've done is barely sleep, fuck up my arm, cause shit with your brother, and make you hurt yourself.

The thought of it makes my stomach churn, the idea of you picking your skin and punching your fat, it makes me sick. I always wanted you to know how perfect you are, no matter how much I used to bully you when we were younger. I always thought you knew, not that my stupid words would make you do that to yourself.

I always hated seeing you hurt and now I'm the cause.

And all I'm left with is us in a muddy field in the rain.

With you so broken, all from me.

If I'm completely honest I'm scared. Because I know, that once you realize your hysteria, you're going to shut it off. You won't talk to me, you won't look at me, you won't give me the satisfaction of ur touch by punching me, you will do nothing. Nothing.

I want you still. I always will, and when you shut off I'm scared that I won't be able to get you back.

I'm so scared, that I won't have my Renny anymore.

Love, Tate.

𝙸𝙸𝙸𝙸𝙸

I turn to him, looking him deeply in the eyes, my tears blending in with the rain. "Yes you can!" I scream, falling to my knees. I just couldn't help it anymore, I was broken in all literal and figurative uses of the word. What does he mean, "I just can't live without you." He did this to me! He did this to us! He chose to live without me. He wanted me to hurt.

He rushes towards me, falling to the ground with me and grabbing my face with both of his hands. "Why? Why? Why me?" I cry, as his hands try to get all of the wet hair out of my face.

He kisses the top of my head and my cheeks and my neck and shoulders while I cry. Whispering those stupid sweet nothings, but I just can't hear it.

"It hurts!" I cry, and he knows I'm talking about my heart as he pulls my body into his and rocks me. "I'm so sorry. I really am, Laura. I'll fix it. I promise."

I push him back, using my wobbly legs to stand up. "Leave." I mumble. He stands up too, looking at me with pain. He knew his moment to prey off of my sadness would come to an end eventually.

"I said leave!" I say, louder than the last.

He opens his mouth to speak, running his hands through his dark hair.

"I wanna say it." He mumbles.

"No you don't." I mumble, but he doesn't budge. I turn around, "Fine, then I'll leave."

And I walk down the field, my dress covered in mud. Soon enough I make it to the trains, where I just sit in the canister for hours and hours. I closed the door and lit a few candles, and it was nice. I liked hearing the rain splatter against the metal outside. I ended up falling asleep for the first time in a while, no nightmare. When I woke up, it was still raining, so it couldn't have been long. I traced my fingers over my skin where he kissed me, feeling like it was burned into my skin. I wanted him to kiss me again, but for it to go back to normal. Where he'd kiss me and I wouldn't want to cry knowing that he didn't love me, and that he loves her.

It should've been me.

:;

Tatum's POV

I sat on the couch, my hair still wet but I've changed all of my clothes into Avery's.