𝙳𝚎𝚊𝚛, 𝙻𝚊𝚠𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎

𝙳𝚎𝚊𝚛, 𝙻𝚊𝚠𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎 ; 𝟷𝟷 ; 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝙱𝚊𝚕𝚕

𝙳𝚎𝚊𝚛, 𝙻𝚊𝚠𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎 ; 𝟷𝟷 ; 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝙱𝚊𝚕𝚕

Dear, Lawrence November 24, 1887

      Why'd you have to be so perfect? Why'd you have to cause so many problems for me? I didn't mean to do it... I didn't mean to kiss you. I never mean to do anything with you. I always try to think of you as I did before, the girl on the couch, staring, crushing, with a knot in her hair, a cut on her arm, a craft or book in her hand. I meant to see you as the little girl.
     It just happened, and I couldn't stop, and if I'm honest, when I did stop I regretted it. Not that I regretted kissing you, that's one of the things I can't stop thinking about. I regretted stopping at all, and after the guilt set in I regretted not doing it sooner, because it would prevent so many problems now. Like Presley, Presley can never know. Presley can't ever know until she gets married to another. Nobody can know, ever.
     Even if I wanna do it over and over and over again.

My love, Tate

𝙸𝙸𝙸𝙸𝙸

     "Moan if you have to... I won't tell." He mumbles against my skin, his hot breath heating me up as I take a heavy breath out.
     He leans back in and kisses my lips passionately. I move my hands onto his jaw, running my fingers through his hair and pressing him into me. His hands traveled down to my corseted waist , resting right before my dress poofs out. The candle lit the side of his face up, the outside a dark blue as the sun travels down.
      He moved back though, rushed, his face red and his eyes unable to look at me. His body shivered. His face was full of worry, his eyes looking me up and down one last time.
     That's what I've been waiting for for so long... and it was exactly what I wanted. I've been waiting since I was little, just for this moment. And I didn't expect him to do this...
    "Fuck..." he mumbles, looking at me with beautiful eyes and kissing me one last time. Presssing his lips to mine. He holds my face, keeping me there for a moment, his lips plump and favoring my own.
My stomach twisted, finally feeling his touch. I don't understand.
Why did he kiss me?
"Wait..." I say oh so quietly, grabbing onto his hand before be rushes out,  but it slips out of my hold just in time for him to walk away.
I sigh, closing the door behind him and pressing my forehead against it. I needed to be alone with my thoughts.
  I touch my lips. That was my first kiss... the first real touch I've had from a man... ever.
And it was him.

but right after he ran away, as though it was the worst decision of his life...

I sigh. It hurts. I don't get hurt by things other than my mum very often, but this hurt. It was waves of pain echoing in my head and body, eagerly wondering what was in his mind.
I guess I understand why he had to leave and act like he didn't do it, he's in love with another, but he didn't have to kiss me in the first place.
I'll make him regret running away, or at least I want to make him regret it. I've always wanted to make him choose me.
Tonight's the ball and Koremen is taking me. I can kiss Koremen. I can be beautiful.

I dust myself off, preparing for the outside world, and open the door. I walk down the stairs, ignoring him completely as he stares at me from the kitchen, his breathing ragged. I stare out the front window, waiting for a few moments, feeling his piercing glare as he stares at me. I don't know if he wanted to talk to me or not, so I don't.
He can't do this to me.
He knows how I feel, I know he does. So why would he kiss me if he was going to run?
In no time, there's a knock on the door, Koremen waiting patiently outside. I open it, the sky painted with blue and orange as the sun goes down.
Papa comes up behind me and greets Koremen, talking a little bit about business and such. I didn't really pay attention, I don't think I need to. I was oreoccupied with my running thoughts.
I'm not sure who was coming anymore but it didn't really matter, I just needed to be next to Koremen all day.

"Ok ok Papa, can we go so you don't talk through the ball?" I laugh, he chuckles.
He kisses the top of my head and pushes me forward lightly.
"I assume Avery will be down at the ball soon enough, him and Presley will be there if you need him. I believe me, mum, and Tate are staying home. Go along.."
I smile and kiss his cheek, grabbing onto Koremen's arm for him to lead me down the dark path to a horse-drawn carriage.
"Well it's lovely to see you again, Lawrence." He says with a smirk.
  I laugh, undoing my hair that Tate had down just a few minutes earlier. I didn't want it done anymore. Not by him.
My stomach once again churns at the thought of him.
My hair flows down as I mess with it to make it look good again. "Sorry, Koremen, I just hated that hairdo."
He smiles, seemingly charmed by my unprofessionality. "I like you better with your hair down anyway..." he mumbles, helping me smooth it out before giving me a light peck on the head.
I didn't mind, he was quite sweet. His arm wrapped around my waist as we near his house, and when we make it he helps me out courteously. Chivalry is at its finest with him, and it never is with Tate. He likes to watch me fall and make fun of me, even though he's so nice to the other girls. I always got made fun of, no red blushed cheeks for me.
I grab onto his arm again as we walk in, many people all around, laughing and dancing. We near the groups of people, and I feel his energy when he looks over at me.
"Would you care to dance with me, Lawrence?" He asks.
I laugh, "I never learned, if you want a dancer I'd say you should meet my sister Pre-"
  "I can teach you." He insists.
I smile, Leaning in and kissing his cheek. "You're so very chivalrous Koremen, truly you're one of the nicest men I've met. Thank you, dearly."
He smiles, grabbing onto my waist and curling his lips into a little smirk.
He begins to teach me, explaining the way our hands barely touch, or feet move in parallel. I am shocked out of my trance by a harsh grip to the shoulder, Presley surprising me with her urgency.
"I need a date! My boss can't see me without one, Lawrence! She thinks Im perfect and told us to get dates but I didn't have time so-" She turns to his direction, looking him up and down and smiling, "can I borrow Koremen???"
My stomach churns once more, my expectation of the night immediately going south.
"Of course..." I say, a fake smile gracing my lips, grabbing onto Koremen's hand and letting his lips kiss my cheek his. "You'll be back right?"
He smiles, "Of course."
He hovers his face next to mine for a moment before leaning in and pecking my lips lightly, "you're just lovely Lawrence, I'll be back. This is for you!" He insures.
His hand slowly drops from mine, leaving me standing helpless in the crowd.
My sister grabs onto his arm as they walk away and to her classmates, most of whom are married or soon to be. They were just up the stairs.

Of course she had to have this too... my date