𝙳𝚎𝚊𝚛, 𝙻𝚊𝚠𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎

𝙳𝚎𝚊𝚛, 𝙻𝚊𝚠𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎 ; 𝟷𝟿 ; 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚍

𝙳𝚎𝚊𝚛, 𝙻𝚊𝚠𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎 ; 𝟷𝟿 ; 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚍

Dear, Lawrence                            December 5, 1889

You know I love you, right? Sometimes I'm scared I'm going to have to say it, because then I'd lose the bet. You know how competitive I am, I would stick to bets for years with Avery. Even the bet that I would never be with you.
But I never got to show you my love and in reality I want to do it all the time. Now it's all coming out. I wanna hold you constantly but I have to hide it from everybody. I have to go into your room only at night so we aren't suspicious, because I already had slept next to you. But I want to do it whenever I see you, and instead I'm stuck with holding your arm while you walk down steps. I'm not what I'm supposed to be like with you. Should I still be professional like all of the other relationships? but my love for you is so deep Lawrence. I know I act different with others but I promise darling, you're forever mine.

Love, Tate.

𝙸𝙸𝙸𝙸𝙸

I sat on the couch, my legs up to my chest. Tate sat right next to me, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows and his pants freshly cleaned. Avery sat on a chair to the right of me.
"Oh come on! Deaton has such a large following, and they'd be stupid enough to make a building that modern? Most of us hate the modern look and especially newcomers just walking by or visiting the city for the conventions!" Tate blabbers, his hair perfectly curled.
"Exactly, I'm trying to talk them out of it but they really want to be the face of the new century with this building, I'm not sure what to do.."
I groan, plopping my head down in Tate's lap and sighing, "This is boring, change the topic, Avery!!" I beg.
"Lawrence this is important." Tate says, his hand going to the top of my head and running his fingers through my hair as they continue to talk.
I furrow my eyebrows, "okay but when you're done I'd love to hear you talk about the new building for the college down the street. I cater there all the time and can give an opinion on that-"
"Can you please shut up, Lawrence?" Avery says and Tate's body goes stiff under me.
"Don't be rude!" I shriek, sitting up. Tate's hand sneaks around my waist for support, lightly rubbing my hip with his thumb under the blanket. I could feel his mental battle.
"We're discussing something for our work, if you could do the same maybe go make us a scone for our tea or something." Avery groans, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"What.." I mumble and Tate stiffens more, "Wow, Avery... she just wanted to participate-"
"Oh come on we always try to include her but she doesn't have anything in common with us! Why do you even support her here, Tate? You feel the same!"
Before Tate can speak I interrupt, having not learned a lesson. "Did mom get in your head again?" I ask, my eyebrows furrowed.
"No she just told me about your sales recently and I think they could've been higher-"
"I took one day off for my birthday and I spend my saturdays making free cookies for the kids off of my own sales check I just wanted to be-"
"Be nice? You're such a child Lawrence! I mean cmon, Tate agrees with me. We've talked about it before, you're needy and constantly have to be around him.. he's not even your friend Lawrence."
When those words seep from his mouth my jaw goes slack. I can't help but wonder what all Tate has said about me throughout the years. How many times he's agreed with my family that I really was useless.
I can't help but wonder if he finds me annoying, what he hasn't told me, whether the words he says to me are out of desperation.
If he doesn't want me like he says he does. If he says the same things to me as he does to Presley.
What if I'm the joke again.

I stand up, brushing the imaginary dirt from my dress and wiping the tears from under my eyes.
"I just... I just wanted to have somebody to talk to because you two are the only people in my family who don't hate me for not being as successful as I could've been... but it's obvious I was wrong with that. And I can't get anymore friends because they like Presley more no matter their gender let alone if I try to befriend a man the societal consequences! God... I thought you understood my side-" I say, my voice cracking as I rush out of the living room.
"God no Lawrence!" Avery calls.
Tate stands up and watches me run away, "What the hell! Avery she's obviously hurting, you're supposed to understand her side why are you acting like this-"
"Oh stop acting like you don't agree with me! She's always around us and I just need to get work done! She never got past her dreams from when she was eight years old, she's a child!"
"Oh stop! We like her being around she's perfect, Avery! She's your sister and we both love her and look what you did-"
I hear it all as I walk away, 'We both love her'... a small joy to protect my aching heart.
"I'm just stressed and the pressure mom is putting on me to make her change careers is immense... I don't know why she's pushing it so hard! Lawrence can do what she wants and get a guy to pay the bills, she's a Lace for gods sake!"
"yeah.." Tate mumbles.
"I just want her to find somebody who cares about her... god I wish that me and her were the only kids sometimes. I mean I love Pres but she's a show off and takes so much away from Lawrence..."
And then I'm out of ear shot.
At least I know his reasoning now, but I can't stop the tears from falling down my face. Because once again, it's about my career. If one more thing happens with my career I swear I'm gonna leave and go to college, I can just bake on the side. That's what mom always wanted me to do.