𝙳𝚎𝚊𝚛, 𝙻𝚊𝚠𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎

𝙳𝚎𝚊𝚛, 𝙻𝚊𝚠𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎 ; 𝟸𝟼 ; 𝙲𝚘𝚕𝚍, 𝙱𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝙿𝚊𝚒𝚗

𝙳𝚎𝚊𝚛, 𝙻𝚊𝚠𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎 ; 𝟸𝟼 ; 𝙲𝚘𝚕𝚍, 𝙱𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝙿𝚊𝚒𝚗

𝙸𝙸𝙸𝙸𝙸

Dear, Lawrence

Stop it. You're my Lavender. You're my girl. You're my everything. You're not allowed to take my nickname away from me. I will continue to display my love, even if you ignore me.
I know you won't believe me, you never will again, but I will persist. You're my love.
Even in the future, I will make you pancakes everyday.
     I want to see you laugh while you climb trees. I want to watch you read and ask how your new book is. I want you to lay my head in your lap while we watch a fire. I want you to fall asleep in the train car while I stroke your hair. I want you in my life
     In the future, if I must, I will marry another. I will have a family. I will live with another woman who receives the fruit of my love and earnings. However, I will never forget you. I will not forget how it was to sleep with you in my bed, to hold you.
     I will visit you every night. Your husband will hate me. Your kids will call my Uncle Tate. I will be the man you need, even if I can't be with you, even if it's all Avery's fault.

Love, Tate

𝙸𝙸𝙸𝙸𝙸

     I did it. I spent the entire day saying nothing to him. He obviously hated it. He hated me not looking at him after looking at him for so long. He hated me not laughing at his jokes. He hated me not touching him when he sat next to me. I could tell, by the way he shifted and breathed heavily, how he continuously looked to me. He hated it, and I loved it. I wanted to see him hurt, to see what he lost and what he did to me.
     I'm starting to realize how pretty it is out here too, without being blinded by visions of him whenever I looked around.
     It was snowing.
     I sat on my front deck, watching the servants scoop falling snow from our dirt path so my father can go to the ball tonight.
     Since I've joined college they don't make me go anymore, and it's better that way. I never found a man at balls. I just found heart ache.
     I stood up, walking down a few steps.
     I wonder if I should though. If I should try to meet a man. At least that would get my mind off of things.
     It was cold out here, but I didn't really care. "Here, Anna! I'll help.." I say, grabbing snow with my hands and throwing it into my yard. She laughs, "Miss Lace if you must help you can use a rake! Or a scoop?"
     I laugh, "It's fine! My hands are a perfectly good tool, Anna!"
     They were freezing, and red, and they burnt. I liked it that way. I deserved it for every pain I've caused, for all my opportunities missed, for all my mistakes, or for just loving him.
     She slid past me, my arm scraping against hers. "Oh wow I'm sorry! But ma'am, you're very cold you must go inside! How long have you been out here?"
     Hours.
     "Only a few minutes, I'm fine don't worry!" I lie.
     But just as I flash her a smile, Avery steps onto the deck, "Get back in here, Laura! You're going to get a cold!"
     I look at him and roll my eyes, walking towards him and dusting the snow off of my hands.
     "I'm fine!" I say, turning to Anna and smiling. "You're doing dashingly, I'll make sure to reward you with a cream cookie!" I walk into the house, pushing past Avery.
     The snow started to melt onto me, making my dress wet and keeping me cold. It was useful...
     "I like it out there, Avery."
     "Yeah I do too, but I don't risk sicknesses while I'm still an eligible wife like you! If a man of our caliber saw you like this it would be dreadful!"
     I sigh. "They're not going to see me, plus men of our caliber don't want me anyway. They want Presley."
     He lets out a deep chuckle, going behind me and pulling my slightly wet hair onto my back. "I know of a few, Lawrence. Don't worry, they'll come for you some day. Soon."
     I laugh, turning to him and shaking my head. "I proudly disagree, I think I'm meant to be alone and a spokesman for Lace & Co. for the rest of my life, Avery."
     He lets out a sigh, his hand touching my arm. "God you're freezing! Go drink some tea alright? I have to go into my office and send a few letters while the postman is still running. Be safe."
    He stands up, dusting off his thighs and walking into his office.
     I couldn't sit down and get any chair wet, Mom wouldn't like it. I couldn't stand here and drip water all over the floor though, lord knows how mother and father would slip.
     Instead, I had to go upstairs. He was in his room across from mine, as usual. When I stood alone in that room I felt like I could feel his presence in the room across from mine.
     I could feel the way his hand held his pen while he quickly wrote each letter to send. I could hear the pen scratching on the paper. I could see him standing and pacing the room. I could hope that he would come in here, tell me I will be okay, that he regrets everything. I could hope he would come and ask if I could wax seal the letters for the postman, putting a strand of lavender in each seal.
     He would hover over me while I did it, standing behind me and playing with my hair while I sat on my knees and stamped each navy wax seal with his initials.