𝙳𝚎𝚊𝚛, 𝙻𝚊𝚠𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎

𝙳𝚎𝚊𝚛, 𝙻𝚊𝚠𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎 ; 𝟹𝟶 ; 𝚈𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚃𝚞𝚛𝚗

𝙳𝚎𝚊𝚛, 𝙻𝚊𝚠𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎 ; 𝟹𝟶 ; 𝚈𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚃𝚞𝚛𝚗

𝙸𝙸𝙸𝙸𝙸

Dear, Lawrence

At the start of my trip, I began to write you letters. Some got sent, some didn't, but as you wrote me back with heart-dotted Is and stories of your days, I fell in love with you.
I wrote you every day, sometimes multiple times , even after I got back. I just stopped sending them once I could see your face again.
In these letters, you can see. It's proof, the proof you wanted. It's proof of my falling in love with you, as my sign offs switch from formal to loving, as I spoke about you with such love.
I love you, Lavender. I do and I did. I know Avery told you, now take this as my proof.

Love, Tate

𝙸𝙸𝙸𝙸𝙸

Avery told me what he did.
I don't have tears left to cry anymore. But, Tate was truthful.
I'm not necessarily angry at Avery. I know what he did now, and I understand his motive. He thought he was protecting me, from hurt and from pain and from manipulation. He thought Tate was taking advantage of me, also caught in the web of lies Tate strung himself into to keep himself away from me. All he remembered was Tate saying how weird I was, how he would never love me.
Avery was trying to help.
I'm proud of him that he had enough to courage to tell me, and the gifts I got from further North did help.
I stood in the mirror, just having put on the dress Avery purchased for me. It was pink and white, with darker flowers and lace, with ruffles to accentuate my hips. Avery stood behind me, leaning against the door with his lips pressed together.
"You..." He takes a breath out, emotionally exhausted from the sobbing I had done just fifteen minutes prior, "You look stunning, Lawrence."

I smile, running my hand over my stomach, sideways in the mirror. He shakes his head, "Gorgeous. Don't overthink."
He pulls me away, sitting down in my bed and gently holding my hand.
"I'm sorry for everything, Laura." He says, shaking his head once more, "I shouldn't have thought I knew better than you. You're smart, and successful and I'm just mean!"
He laughs, looking up at me and smiling, "My money means nothing if I'm a bad person. Your passion means everything because youre a good person. I can see how successful you are now, Lawrence. I see how in love you were. I just wish you told me."
I squint, "Well you can see why I didn't know, huh?"
He chuckles, lightening the mood, "I have to protect my twin!"

I roll my eyes, spinning on the ball of my foot and turning away. I drop to my knees, going through my basket of goodies that so easily persuaded me to forgive him. To be fair, I was going to anyway.

I hold mugs, special teas, books, dresses, but all that was truly running through my mind was Tate.

"It just felt so real, Avery." I whisper, holding onto a teal dress that reminded me too vividly of that night.
"I know..." Avery mumbles and I shake my head.

It's all I could think about, having slid down the wall while he stood above me, the oil lamp lighting the bottom half of his face, like in just a moment he had turned evil.
It was on repeat in my mind again, what used to be pushed back. "I don't love you." repeating liking a broken record.
I swallow, the fabric crumpling in my hands as I squeezed them into fists.
"It was always her."

Presleys wedding was private. I didn't go, only dad, a pastor, and a few people from Koremen's family. It was unusual to have a small wedding, but knowing Presley it wasn't surprising.
I can only wonder if Tate is only crawling back to me because she is gone. What if he convinced Avery to help him? What if one day I will find them making love or sitting at a lake and wonder if I was the fool all along.
I cannot live a life with him where I always wonder if he even loves me. Yet, at the same time, I cannot live a life without him where I wonder what could have been.