𝙳𝚎𝚊𝚛, 𝙻𝚊𝚠𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎

𝙳𝚎𝚊𝚛, 𝙻𝚊𝚠𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎 ; 𝟺 ; 𝙲𝚑𝚎𝚕𝚝𝚒𝚗

𝙳𝚎𝚊𝚛, 𝙻𝚊𝚠𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎 ; 𝟺 ; 𝙲𝚑𝚎𝚕𝚝𝚒𝚗

Dearest Lawrence, November 20, 1887

Lawrence, I'm not sure why but it kind of... it felt a little weird to be exchanging advice with you.
Some part in my was screaming, why am I trying to set you up with somebody? Since I know you will never see this, when I was younger I had a small crush on you. Around eighth grade was when it developed, you were so beautiful and still are. I had never really noticed you before, and after I tried to act like I didn't, but every once in a while I know you would catch me staring, admiring. I often wondered if I had been pursuing the wrong girl. It's mean, i know, but... as I've grown older I've found myself actually connecting with you. Laughing about pottery and books, running in fields, sharing deep talks in train cars. Now, we're here. A place where I cannot stop thinking about you, but I'm telling you to go to Koremen.
Of course I do not feel the same now as I did then, I'm going after your sister, but I guess it still feels kind of weird. Especially since so many men between when you were 15-19 were trying to ask me to introduce you to them, and something inside of me just got protective over you. I always denied them, even now I still do it... if i'm honest.
I must go. I need to think through everything and I need to help my dad some more. In hopes I'll figure things out,

Yours truly, Tate Tillings.

𝙸𝙸𝙸𝙸𝙸

His lips curl up into a smile, "Well isn't it Miss Lace! I did not expect to see you working in one of my shops young lady, you're destined for much more! And of course you are much too beautiful  to be wearing an apron all day!" He pulls me out from behind the counter by my hand, which I dusted off well enough that it is now only slightly floured.
He spins me around, listening to my giggles and taking off my apron with agile fingers, folding it and setting on top of the glass display.
He spins me around again, kissing my hand and letting me lean up on the top of my toes to kiss his cheek. "Time has treated you well Miss Lace, I remember you baking Tate, Avery, and I a divine Boston cream pie when I was in the eighth grade, how beautiful you are now."
His hand drags lightly against my cheek with a smile. "Well thank you Mister Hemmington, truly."
"Oh well Miss Lace you may call me Koremen as long as I can refer to you as your beautiful name. My cheeks fall into a blush as I bite my lip, looking down at my feet with a smile.
He grabs my chin, pushing my face up. "Well speak to me directly, May I?"
I look him in his dark green eyes and smile, "Of course you may Koremen.." I mumble.

He was weird when we were younger, spotted skin, flared nostrils, red patches on his arms, and somehow dead hair. But now, money and fame had done him well, trips across the country had done him well.
He was so handsome, with short light brown hair and a pearly smile.
He smirks, looking up at Cheltin and smiling. "Meet me in the office in the back Cheltin, I must set an order."
Cheltin stomps off, slightly annoyed by Koremens charm. Koremen smirks, "I will come back here tomorrow and see about a promotion for you Miss Lace, I am quite sure that you are an amazing baker. I know it."
I smile, and he squeezes my waist. "Run along."

I walk off and back into the back, listening to his order which he is asking for me to make specifically. I sigh, all the men staring at me with a death glare.

I am a good baker though...

After my shift I wait outside, under the night sky that was covered in dark gray clouds. It was drizzling and cold, but I forgot my coat this morning. I've been waiting for a while, the bakery is closed and the night has been taking over the city for at least an hour.
Tate was supposed to pick me up by horseback so I didn't have to walk home in the night on a dangerous road, but he is still not here. I tap my toe, holding the bakery items Tate has asked for in my basket. I can't steal stock either... I paid for these. But it's been too long and I've grown too cold, so I presume I must start going.
I walk out, being pelted by water that made my white day dress heavy and slightly see through rather quickly. Luckily enough there was no lights or people on this street for them to see me.
It was lonely, and I felt as such. I felt betrayed...
I mean of course he is probably just on a date with Presley or practicing his cello to play for the ball, or maybe some piano, but I thought he'd remember...
Stupid of me to assume as such. Stupid of me to think I am more important than anything else in his life.
I walk past the last light post for a while on the dirt road, mud soaking into my dress and water getting all over me. After what feels like forever I make it back to the house, holding my arms in front of me and breathing heavily in the cold.
My breath goes out in front of me in a fog it is so cold, and as soon as I open the door after the trek of the muddy driveway, everybody stares at me. 
Avery is sitting on one couch, smiling at me as I walk in, as well as my mom, with Tate and Presley on the other couch. Tate's arm was around Presley and he looks over, a smile on his face, but it slowly fades when he sees me. He quickly retracts his arm from Presley, it felt subconscious, so much so that it scared him.
"Well did you have to work late? The bread must've taken so long." Presley jokes, but Tate's eyes stare deep into mine. He mumbles something under his breath, standing up quickly and stepping toward me.
"Lawrence, I'm terribly sorry I didn't-"
"It's fine, Tate." I mumble, picking up my soaking wet dress and making my way up the stairs. Now was not the time to take Presley's 'jokes' anyway.
I rush up the stairs, going into our shared room and shedding the wet day dress and replacing it with another dress for me to go and eat dinner. My hair is drying quickly enough, but I pat it down with a towel that makes it dry faster.
I sigh, sitting down on my bed for a second and looking at myself. I look down at my legs, my feet, my torso, and check in the mirror and see my face and my shoulders and my breasts.
I don't think I'm ugly, or at least the most disgusting. I just don't understand why I've never had a suitor, every girl has had at least one try to marry them my now, and most women have accepted and are soon to have children at my age.
Maybe it's because they all want my sister, she's smart and way prettier than me, and destined to be an amazing mom with how shes always treated Avery and I. Or at least Avery, she's been a little rude with me whenever we are around Tate, which is almost constantly.
Or maybe it's just because I can't consciously flirt with a man, knowing that at least once an hour Tate's stupid face will flash in my mind.
A knock echos through the door and I hum in reply, letting them in, but Tate steps in.
"Wait wait wait-" he starts, putting his hands out to calm me while he closes the door. "Please listen to me before you try to brutally murder me, Lawrence."
I furrow my eyebrow, "I am planning on stabbing you and feeding you to the cows," I say sarcastically, "I'm not evil, just leave. I just want to sleep, I'm freezing."
"Hust let me say that I truly never meant to make you walk home Lawrence, especially in the rain! I got caught up in myself again just as I have so many times before. I need to more often pay attention to you because I'm still trying to show you that you matter just as much as everybody else, because ever since the eighth grade I've been trying to push you away from me. I promise I won't do that anymore and I'll do anything to make it up."
I look down at my feet, "Just leave, Mister Tillings."
"Don't treat me like that, Lavender, you know I'm not just Mister Tillings." He walks closer, his voice gentle, sitting on my bed and grabbing my jaw, "I'm Tate to you, you know that..." he mumbles sweetly, dragging his fingers across my cheek.

Silence falls between us for a second, but a comfortable silence. He stares at me the entire time, his hand that was on my jaw going down and resting on my lower back.
"I know when I sleep next to you you don't get nightmares anymore, Lawrence." He mentions, unrelated to anything.
I stare down at my lap, but he lifts my face up with his other hand to stare at him again. How does he know..
"How do you know about my nightmares, Mister Tillings?"
His eyebrows furrow, taking his anger out by grabbing onto my waist roughly. "I'm not Mister Tillings to you, Lawrence. I know because I care about you're feelings more than my own. I know that you're constantly stressed about what your next failure is destined to be and that's what your dreams are full of."
He takes my waist and slowly pushes me down onto the bed, hovering over me. "Are you sure I'm still Mister Tillings to you, Lawrence?"
I swallow, his hand rubbing my neck lightly and soothingly as he looks at me with a quirked brow and a smirk. I look up at him through my eyelashes, furrowing my eyebrows. This is what my daydreams are about... and I never expected them to ever be slightly true. Though most of the time they go a little farther beyond where we are now...
I think about my responses, what I can say that won't make him stop. I shouldn't, I know he's not mine, but he's not hers

"What if you are?" I mumble, and his eyebrows furrow, his face so close to mine that our noses touch. He squeezes my neck lightly, as well as my hip.
"Lawrence.." he warns and I roll my eyes, "Mister Tillings?" I mumble.  He growls again, his face somehow closer, so close that I almost feel the skin of his lips on my own. But instead, they move to my cheek, kissing it before talking into it. His soft lips rubbing against my face.
"Lavender?" he begs.
"Tate?" I finally respond. His lips curl into a smile, and his eyes flicker between my eyes and my lips.
"That's me..." he mumbles, moving back slightly to look over my face. "do you forgive me?" He asks lightly.
"Well what do I get from it?" I joke, referencing his constant economic politics between my family and the business.
"I'll lay here with you again tonight until you fall asleep, and I'll make sure you don't get too sick, because your nose is looking a little red, darling. You might've gotten a cold.." Be rubs his thumb over my red nose, looking over my face with my lips parted.
His eyes stick at my lips, his thumb moving down to mess with my lips, pulling one down. He lets out a light, needy breath, before furrowing his eyebrows.
     He quickly stops, pushing himself off of me and pushing the imaginary dust off of his shirt. He begins shaking his head, a confused look on his face, as if he wondered how he could touch me.
He stands up, pushing the sleeves of his undershirt up and smiling. "I'm going back downstairs, I'll see you there I assume?"
     I sit up, trying to fix my hair and act as normal as possible while my heart pounds under my skin, "Well I made Boston Cream pie at the bakery and I must eat it, and I need to eat dinner so I guess I must."
     He smiles, pulling my hand to help me stand up and grabbing onto my waist. "Then I'll escort you."
     I want to act normal, pretend he didn't just touch me for the first time in twenty years. But, i can't stop staring and wondering what took him over to allow that. He knows i've always loved him, I know he knows. Maybe... maybe now he thinks it's passed. But, I wonder if he did that because he wanted to or if it was just to make my not angry. His hand on my waist, his small look of desire.
     I can't get my hopes up when there's nothing about him to even hope for.
     He opens the door and I sigh, "I met Koremen... he's quite a sweetheart and very charming to say the least, then theres also a man named Cheltin. He kind of scared me, really aggressive and I hadn't met him before, but I presume he could be a suitor if trained to be more involved."
     Tate sighs, "Don't try to get Cheltin as your suitor, the man is a great at business but a terrible man towards women. Stay away."
     I look up at him through my eyelashes, "Tate-"
     "Don't get scared about it, I have you safe right here Lavender." He says, a small smile gracing his lips.
I swallow, "Tate can you heat me up tonight's supper? I'll get the pie... I need to think."

Of course the one guy that showed interest in me in almost twenty one years is a pig of a man. Yet, Koremen was also wonderful, I just assume that's how he acts with everybody.
I grab my wicker basket from the doorway, ruffling Avery's gelled hair and kissing his cheek. "Would you like some left over supper Avery or are you full?" I ask and he shakes his head, "I didn't favor dinner tonight, I would love some of your sweets though." He mumbles, smirking as he grabs a pastry and stuffs his face with the desert.
I laugh and he smiles at me, handing a pastry to my mom and Presley. "Love you all." I mumble, leaving and going into the kitchen where Tate gathered me a plate of peas, bread, and chicken.
I take out the pie, cutting two slices and placing them on my plate. I hand him a fork, "Dig in Tate.."