Fell in Love with the Devil (LuciferxSupernatural Crossover)

A Priest Walks into a Bar

"You're lucky I don't have any active cases or else I'd send this to Narcotics," Maya told Lucifer.

"Narcotics? No, no, no, no. I don't give a damn about the drug dealer. We're here to investigate the priest,"

Maya looked at Lucifer in confusion "Priest? I thought we were here to talk to the youth director,"

"We are. To get dirt on the priest. He must be hiding something. And what better way to stick it to dear old Dad than to prove that those who speak on His behalf aren't as virtuous as they pretend to be,"

"You're side's not all that gracious Lucifer," Maya reminded. "Besides I've already been roped into your family feud once, I really don't want to go through it again,"

"Look, am I mistaken or do you catch bad guys?" Lucifer kept talking as Maya made a move to speak "Now, this priest is up to something. Something nefarious...I can feel it,"

"Last I checked, your feelings don't count as probable cause,"

"Well, isn't the fact that he came to me probable cause enough? Or I could just interrogate this youth director by myself,"

"You had me at he came to you for help," Maya admitted. "Just let me do the talking," she knocked on the director's door "Mr. Arietta?" Maya tried the door and noticed it was locked "Hmm,"

"Well, if I were trapped in here with these vile children, I'd lock my door as well,"

Maya looked through the window and saw a body laying on the floor. She kicked the door in.

"Winchester," Lucifer marveled.

Maya ignored Lucifer and walked over to the body, checking for a pulse "He's dead,"

"Wow. Told you the priest was up to something,"

***

Chloe walked up to Maya and Lucifer while crime scene took pictures of the scene and the body. "Why is it whenever there isn't a case, you two manage to always find one,"

"What did the ME say?" Maya asked.

"ME puts the time of Arietta's death between 11:30 and 12:00 this morning. 'Cause was multiple hits with a baseball bat,"

Maya glanced back towards where forensics was wiping down the murder weapon for prints.

"There are some abrasions on his face," Chloe continued. "So it looks like he struggled before he died. And I found this," she showed the duo a voice modulator.

"Ooh, what's that?" Lucifer asked as he grabbed it.

"It's a voice modulator," Maya explained as she took it back from Lucifer "and can you not..."

"Detective, I am your father," Lucifer said into the device.

Maya rolled her eyes "It's not a toy, Lucifer. It could be evidence,"

"Well, I'm impressed. Looks like the priest handled it himself after all,"

"Priest?" Chloe asked "What priest?"

Maya looked over at Lucifer, ignoring Chloe's questions "We don't know the priest did this,"

"Well, maybe you don't," Lucifer said.

"Detective Smith," An officer called from the other side of the crime scene tape.

Maya looked up and walked over to him, looking at the head counselor. "Hey, you're the head counselor, right?"

"Uh, yeah." The man said. "Um, Eric Doyle,"

"Any idea who might've done this?"

"No. I mean everyone liked Lenny. He was a good boss,"

"So, he had no enemies whatsoever, no?" Lucifer questioned. "Especially any who wear clerical collars?"

"So you know about the priest,"

"Oh, yes,"

"Yeah, that guy's always coming around here and getting into arguments with Lenny,"

Lucifer looked over at Maya with a smug look "Hmm,"

"But he's a priest,"

"Right," Maya nodded. "Mr. Doyle, where were you between 11:30 and 12:00 this morning?"

"Uh...here. In counseling sessions with, uh, Nikki and Connor,"

"Connor?" Lucifer asked. "Well, that's the altar boy from the priest's photo,"

"And you're choosing now to mention this," Maya hissed.

***

"So, is it, is it true..." Connor wondered as Maya and Lucifer talked to him in the hallway "Mr. Arietta's dead?"

"Well, duh, dumb-ass," Nikki said.

Maya couldn't help but unconsciously hold Lucifer's hand as she got flashbacks to how she and her brothers would act towards each other. Dumb-asses being her word to use after the whole 'bitch' 'jerk' charade.

Lucifer rubbed his thumb across her hand to calm her down.

"It is," Maya nodded. "Yeah. Did you know him well?"

"A little, I guess," Connor said. "He, he, I mean, he ran the place,"

"Do you know if Mr. Arietta was involved in any drug activity?"

"Drugs?" Nikki laughed "I mean, I wish he was. That would've made him more interesting,"

"Okay." Lucifer interrupted "Enough about the dead guy. Tell me everything you know about Padre Pederast,"

"Who?" Connor asked confused.

"Father Frank. Did you see him do this? Do you think he's capable?"

"Father Frank kill Mr. Arietta?"

"Yes."

"No. No way,"

"What do you mean no way?" Nikki asked "The guy's a creeper and totally obsessed with you,"

"He's just overprotective. Ever since my parents died, he feels like he's got to watch out for me or something. But he's a good guy. He's just a little...just a little annoying,"

"See?" Lucifer told Maya.

"Hmm?"

"Annoying,"

"You must get along so well," Maya huffed as she turned back towards Connor "When was the last time you saw him?"

"Uh, he-here this morning," Connor admitted.

"Yeah," Nikki agreed "preacher seemed pretty pissed,"

"Oh," Lucifer said.

"Uh, wait, you don't really think that, like, Father Frank did this, right?"

"100%," Lucifer claimed.

"Thank you," Maya said. "You've been very helpful,"

"Right," Connor said.

Lucifer looked at Maya as they walked away "See? Told you,"

"I hate to admit it, but you might be on to something," Maya admitted.

Lucifer smirked "Sorry, what was that?"

Maya rolled her eyes "Shut up,"